Disgusting Brown Shell Like Thingies
by SwEeTiNsAnItY
Summary: ... That Serve as Houses for Carbohydrates! Lemony ZADR. I'm sad; this fic looks all sorry-like 'cuz its, what, 200-something reviews got deleted :3 So far, Zim & Dib are discovered among lingerie and... OMIGOSHNESS, is GIR bein' NAUGHTY?! For shame!
1. Disgusting Brown Shell Like Thingies Tha...

This is my very first fanfic! *Squeals and claps clumsily* Hooray for me! I have no idea where I'm goin' with this, I guess I'll just make it up as I go along. All I know is that I'm sickly obsessed with Invader Zim, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac and Dib are forkin' pretty as Canada, Jesus is my bestest friend, my medication makes me too sleepy to be happy, and I'm coo' wif muh poop-slice, Poop Dogg. Word up kids, fo sho.  
  
Dib just seems like the type who'd be suicidal, and I love trying to find that oh-so-adorable soft spot in the supposed evil emeny (Yes yes, I'm thinkin' about makin' this a slash... nothing too sexual, I'd hate to give Dib and Zim that awkward cloak of shame and embarrassment). It might get a li'l religious too, I'm loosely basing Dib on me and my own thoughts and emotions, but I'm gonna try my hardest to keep them all in as much character as I can.  
  
Unfortunately, I do not own Invader Zim, JTHM or Canada; such creations were revealed by the genius Jhonen Vasquez (I still can't figure out how to pronounce that name, for the love of Zim, forgive me), and a buncha trees and Canadian Kilted Yaksmen.  
  
... WOW I'm BORING! Do I always explain everything like this?! (Sound familiar? Heh heh I am very funny). Anyways, lights, keyboard, action!  
  
... Yeah I know that was lame too.  
  
  
  
Dib stared at the steak knife he gripped tightly in his hand. He'd cut many times before, but never this bad. Never this deep. The scarlet slits of broken flesh that adorned his already scarred arms almost frightened him. With an angered cry, he brought the knife down on his arm and dragged it across his skin once again. He watched in fascination as the crimson liquid escaped; as the hate he harbored inside against himself and others escaped. He kept his eyes fixed on the thick blood, watching it leave his body, his mind, his soul. He put the knife down on the carpet next to him and leaned against his closet door. He watched as tears blurred his vision and growled, hugging his knees to his chest and resting his forehead against them. He wasn't crying because of his arms; he never really felt the blade tear up his skin until the next morning, or later that night. No, he cried for other reasons, reasons he wished he could comprehend.  
  
He hated himself.  
  
And the ignorant world seemed to support that.  
  
He hated himself for crying. He hated himself for what he had done to his some-what deserving flesh. He hated himself for not letting God help him. Dib knew that all he had to do was ask and the Lord would be ready to give him practically anything he wanted, and all that he needed. But part of Dib wanted to be depressed. It was the only thing he'd ever known since his mother took her own life on Dib's 4th birthday.  
  
The tears fell steadily now, which made Dib ashamed. He looked up toward what would've been the sky if the ceiling wasn't in the way and pressed his hands together. He lowered his head and closed his eyes and tried his best to clear his mind enough to find comfort in God.  
  
Meanwhile, Zim was having problems of his own, yet his weren't as emotional. GIR had helped himself to a nearby ice cream truck and was getting chased down by the owner.  
  
"WHEEEEE HEEEEEE! Master, master, lookie!" GIR held up a half-eaten ice cream that poorly resembled the Scary Monkey.  
  
"GIR! What did you do?!" Zim was becoming aggravated with GIR's attempts to please him. Grabbing GIR by his doggie ears, he dodged the rather large ice cream man who came lunging toward them and ran into the house. The fuming ice cream man got up and pounded on the door, enraged.  
  
"HEY YOU... YOU... you... ah oh well." The now-calm obese ice cream man trudged back to his popsicle-smeared van thingy and drove down the street slowly, where handfuls of kids went running.  
  
Zim watched from his window. "Filthy human filth-in-the-form-of-multi- colored-seemingly-tasteless-crystalised... filth-pops!" He then turned to GIR, who was pretending to apply make-up with his melting ice cream.  
  
"GIR, you must stop this madness! You've got every ice cream advertising vehicle that comes by despising us! GIR, they might be secret FBI agent- demons!"  
  
GIR only smiled up at Zim and took a deep breath. "Evernoticehowtheyalwaysseemtocomearounddinnertime?"  
  
Zim stared.  
  
"WHASSUP WIF DAT?!" GIR exclaimed in a high-pitched voice. He had forgotten about his ice cream, which had now taken liquid form under GIR's feet.  
  
With an exasperated sigh, Zim left GIR licking up the puddle on the so- called living room floor to go down into his lab, where he performed Zimmy- like-tasks until he fell asleep at his computer console.  
  
At skool the next day, Zim couldn't help but to notice Dib wasn't being his usual self. A cloudy-concerned look took over his eyes as he gazed at Dib from across the room, who was lazily staring off into space with his chin cupped in one hand, while Ms. Bitters droned on about some outbreak of war in some country none of the kids could pronounce. Zim didn't know why, but he was curious as to why Dib looked so glum. He started to feel himself actually caring why Dib was so sad.  
  
As if Dib could read Zim's mind, he glanced in his direction and noticed the look on Zim's face before the Irken turned away suddenly. He looked away for a while, then continued to stare at Dib. He felt a strange feeling in the pit of his what-would-be-but-we're-not-sure-stomach and felt a little confused.  
  
As for Dib, he was a little confused as well. 'Why was Zim looking at me like that? I've never seen him look like that. It almost looked like...' Dib stopped himself and shook the thought away violently. 'No. That's just... wrong...'  
  
'... Or is it?'  
  
At lunch Zim sat at his usual spot, with the table all to himself, of course. He was just about to try the bean and ice cube casserole which was carelessly slapped onto his tray when he heard the sound of another tray being dropped on the table.  
  
Zim looked up with an eyebrow (or eyelid, whatever you wanna call the thingies that make Zim's eyes show emotion) raised and found himself face- to-face with Dib. Zim jumped out of his seat and pointed.  
  
"WHAT BUSSINESS DO YOU HAVE IN THE PRESSENCE OF ZIIIIIM, STINKING WORM- BABY?!"  
  
When Dib didn't even look up, Zim's hand dropped to his side. "Well? What do you want, Dib-human?" Zim lowered his voice, which had never received attention by anyone else in the room in the first place.  
  
Dib speared a bean with his spork, brought it up to his open mouth, and was about to place it inside when the bean suddenly dropped and seemed to bounce off his tray onto the floor. Dib watched it with his jaw still open and his hand still ready to put the bean-that-was-there-but-isn't-anymore into his mouth when a passing kid stooped to pick it up. "Five second rule!" The kid shouted with glee.  
  
Zim took his seat and stared at Dib blankly.  
  
Dib finally looked up and said bluntly, "Save it Zim. I'm not in the mood to be dealing with YOU."  
  
This left Zim feeling a little bad. He shoved it aside and laughed mockingly. "Aww, what's the problem, earth monkey? Aren't satisfied with your disgusting brown... shell-like... thingies that serve as... houses for... carbohydrates?" Zim snickered and squinted his eyes in pride, while Dib poked at another bean.  
  
"Zim. Just shut up." Dib dropped his spork and looked at Zim indifferently. "Please."  
  
Zim wanted to. He really did. But his cockiness got in the way, yet again, and he tilted his head to the side. "Sorry DIB but I'm afraid it is not so easy to stop ZIM!" And with that, Zim scooped up his own sporkful of beans and flicked them at Dib.  
  
The kids-who-just-so-happened-to-be-watching-from-other-tables started to laugh, who were joined with others who didn't know what had happened but didn't want to be left out. Zim laughed evilly and clutched onto the edge of the table, leaning forward and peering at Dib. "Oh, Dib, do you still want me to shut up?"  
  
Dib jolted his head straight up and, without warning, balled his hand into a tight fist and swung at Zim. He made contact with his cheek and amazingly sent Zim sprawling out on the floor. The kids-who-just-so- happened-to-be-watching-from-other-tables gasped and waited for Zim's reaction.  
  
Zim sat up and rubbed his sore cheek. He made a little sniffle noise, but soon glared up at Dib, who was walking out of the cafeteria.  
  
Dib sat in the corner of the playground and thought about what he did. He didn't like to hurt people... or aliens, for that matter. Whether it be physical or emotional. He stared at his red knuckles in disbelief and waited for Zim. He knew he'd follow.  
  
But Zim didn't. He wanted to, but he didn't. He wanted to say sorry to the pathetic earthling who had just knocked the saliva out of his mouth. He didn't mean to provoke Dib. He wasn't that bad of a human, when Zim really thought of it. 'He's a heck of a lot better than the rest of these horrible stink-beasts. Dib is smarter and nicer and... and... cuter... than the res -'  
  
Zim gagged on his thoughts and looked around, paranoid of others possibly knowing what he was thinking.  
  
The rest of the day went on as any rest of the day normally would. The only difference was that Dib continued to stare off into space and Zim continued to stare at Dib, who continued to stare off into space as Zim continued to stare at him.  
  
To be continued.  
  
  
  
*L* Yes yes I am so very pathetic but I'm trying my best to make this story some-what humorous while all this romance and suicidal thoughts are going on. What do you wanna see happen next?  
  
Should Zim approach Dib after skool with something nice to say...?  
  
Should Dib go home and attempt to OD while a buncha flashbacks go on...?  
  
Should Ms. Bitters find out about the small fight Zim and Dib had and send them to detention...?  
  
Pick one and lemme know! It would be greatly appreciated. As soon as I get enough reviews to make a good decision, I'll come up with another chapter! Keep checkin' back!  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


	2. The Lusciousness That is Dib's Mouth

Yay! Chapter 2! I've been really looking forward to writing this... either because I've been feeling creative lately or simply because I have no life. I'm not sure. But thanks to everyone who reviewed! My ego's been starving for a long time now, and you all just gave it a taco! Mmmmm... tacos...  
  
Welp, the vote was pretty unanimous, except for Skidlebop... you poor, morbidly insane, doomed child...  
  
... I like ya already!  
  
  
  
About 10 minutes before the skool bell rang, Ms. Bitters received a phone call. Mumbling, she got up and answered it. "Hello."  
  
Her voice cracked as she asked a question that sounded more like a statement. She listened to the other voice for a moment, then let her twisted gaze land on Zim, who felt her cold stare instantly and turned away from Dib. He looked up at Ms. Bitters with timidity in his eyes.  
  
Ms. Bitters heard the second name the voice on the other line mentioned, then had her sharp glare fall on Dib, who was too depressed to even notice his teacher's icy glower, let alone care.  
  
"Mmmhmm, yes, I'll send them up right away." The phone slammed against the receiver, causing Zim to jump and Dib to look up.  
  
"Zim, Dib, you are both to report to after skool detention, where your pitiful fates will be dealt with by the teacher in charge for this afternoon."  
  
Zim's jaw dropped as Dib just stared up at Ms. Bitters apathetically.  
  
"AFTER SCHOOL DETENTION?! YOU SHALL NOT HOLD THE MIGHTY ZIM IN CAPTIVITY FOR WHATEVER... DETENTIONIZING... REASON YOU MAY HAVE! NO! Never! Not possible." Zim folded his arms across his chest as he leaned back in his chair smugly. He failed to notice the stares of the other students, who were left slightly dazed by Zim's outburst.  
  
Ms. Bitters' cheekbone twitched as she chose to ignore him. "Dib, you will lead Zim to the detention room and carry the auxiliary hall pass."  
  
Dib looked up at Ms. Bitters with an almost-bored facial expression. "Don't you mean, 'drag the auxiliary hall pass'?  
  
Ms. Bitters shot her pointed finger toward the door. "Go. Now."  
  
Zim sat up and looked around helplessly. "No! I cannot, I - I have, erm, I have to take my medication -"  
  
But Dib was already out the door, making squeaking noises as the 62-pound radiator followed closely behind. Zim looked up at Ms. Bitters, who made that weird hissing noise as she continued to point out the door. "My arm is getting tired, Zim."  
  
Defeated, Zim stood up and dragged his feet as he walked pass Ms. Bitters and the doorway. Turning around, he stuck his long purple tongue out and made a farting noise with his mouth, just as the door was slammed against his face. "Gaaawk!"  
  
Dib, who wasn't very far away, looked over his shoulder and grunted. "Hurry up Zim, I want to get into detention before skool ends. The hallways will be packed with kids, and I don't feel like dragging this thing through them, ya know?"  
  
Zim rubbed his forehead and stood up. "Of course a weak human like yourself would suggest something like that!"  
  
Dib shrugged and smirked slightly. "Well, ZIM, if I'm so weak, why don't YOU drag the auxiliary hall pass?"  
  
"Fine! I will!" Zim ran over to Dib and pushed him aside. "I'll bet I'm a better auxiliary-hall-pass-dragger than you!"  
  
Dib shook his head in annoyance and continued down the hall. "Phhhft, yea, well, we'll see."  
  
Zim grabbed the rope that was tied around the huge metallic contraption by some poor kid who couldn't handle it. Heaving, he pulled the radiator down the hall to try and meet with Dib, who was waiting by a corner, enjoying the fact that Zim seemed to have a harder time pulling than he did. He glanced up at the clock and smiled evilly as the big hand landed on the 12.  
  
The skool bell shrilled as doors were opened. A wave of kids ran past Zim, who was lost in the sea. Dib wished he could see the look on his enemy's face, but was satisfied just hearing his strangled shouts.  
  
"DOIK! GET AWAY YOU MANGEY STINK-BEASTS OF MANGINESS!"  
  
When the boys and girls departed the halls and out the door, Zim was found cowering behind the radiator. Dib walked over and looked around the pass. "Heh, was that fun Zim?"  
  
Zim opened his eyes and moved his arms away from his head. Blinking from shock, he lifted his head to look up at Dib. "You will pay dearly for this wrath you have invoked on -"  
  
"Zim? Dib? Are you the two boys here for detention?"  
  
Zim's head peeped over the shield-of-radiatorness and Dib turned around to see Mr. Elliot's cheerful and questioning smile.  
  
"Ah yes! How silly of me, it must be you! Well now, I see that we've been very very naughty, yes?"  
  
Zim shook his head weakly, still recovering from the sight of hundreds of stink-beasts flailing toward him. Dib just stared.  
  
Mr. Elliot's smile seemed to fade a bit as he coughed into his fist. "Ahem, well..." He pulled out a sheet of paper from his chest pocket and read it over carefully. "It says here that you two had a little conflict back at lunch time! Do you boys remember?"  
  
Dib looked down at his closed hand while Zim eyed his sore cheek.  
  
"Very well then, we can discuss this further in the classroom! Right this way!" Mr. Elliot turned and made his way down the hall, a cheerful bounce to his gait.  
  
Dib trudged behind, making it clear that he was NOT happy at all about having to stay after skool. Zim glanced over his shoulder warily before hopping over the auxiliary hall pass and trotting after Dib.  
  
Mr. Elliot led them into a nearby room marked "DETENTION" in bold letters. Dib walked in, his shoulders slouched, as Zim looked up at the sign and shuddered, making his way into the room cautiously.  
  
"You two may sit wherever you wish, as long as you be nice!" Mr. Elliot sat down at the desk at the front of the room, where Zim and Dib took their usual seats.  
  
Mr. Elliot started. "Now, I understand you boys had a problem with your differences at lunch."  
  
Zim sat up straight suddenly, slamming his hands on the side of the desk as he glared at the teacher. "IT'S BUT A MERE SKIN-CONDITION! WHY MUST I BE RIDICUUUUULED?!"  
  
Mr. Elliot stared.  
  
"Zim... tends to get a... little carried away about such... uh... tender issues." Dib came to Zim's defense quickly, eyeing him angrily.  
  
Mr. Elliot finished wiping his head with a Kleenex and pressed all five - wait, four? Yea, four, all four - fingers in front of him. "He has good reason to be so justificatory, but he must understand that -"  
  
There was a scream from the hall. "AHHHHHH! SOMEONE LET LOOSE A COLONY OF RADIOACTIVE GERBILS IN THE CAFETERIA!"  
  
Mr. Elliot pondered. "That's funny, usually they wouldn't care if something like that happened... oh well, I better go see what the death- count comes up to!" He stood up and headed for the door. He suddenly paused and turned to observe the room.  
  
"Diz, Zib, I'll try to be quick, but you know how these things don't usually work themselves out! I know you two will stay out of trouble while I'm gone!"  
  
And with that, the optimistic Mr. Elliot sauntered out the room, closing the door.  
  
Zim grumbled as Dib looked over.  
  
"Zib?" He laughed a bit, glad to have someone to cheer him up, even if it was only a little.  
  
Zim smirked and put his hands on his hips. "Oh yeah? Well, Diz isn't exactly the best name for a human I'VE ever heard."  
  
Dib scoffed. "Considering you haven't been here long enough TO hear many human names."  
  
They both fell silent for some reason, until he spoke up again. "Ya know, it's YOUR fault we have to be here."  
  
Zim gawked. "WHAT?! I am not at fault; it is YOU who is at fault, slimy earth-boy! You were the one who hit me!"  
  
"You made me." Dib grumbled and looked down at his desk.  
  
Zim stood up suddenly. "How was I able to make you? It is not as though I actually commanded you to do such an act!"  
  
Zim noticed how Dib was reacting, and decided to take it even further.  
  
"... Although I understand how my sly come-backs and amazingly-well-planned- out insults can make any normal human not able to resist -"  
  
Dib had had enough. With a disgusted cry he stood up from his desk suddenly, knocking it over... which caused him to fall back into his seat as it fell. He stood up again, this time more carefully, and brushed off the back of his trench coat-like jacket. "Okay, I'm ready now, where was I? ... Oh, yeah."  
  
Dib leaped over the desks that separated himself from the alien. Zim, who was still feeding his own ego (he was feeding it tacos, too!), was caught completely off guard as Dib tackled him against the floor.  
  
Zim stared up at the human-face that was only inches away from his own. Suddenly, the words "kiss him!" sounded in his head. But before Zim could act upon these thoughts or scold himself for thinking them, he felt his lips already being pressed against Dib's. Zim's eyes grew wide as he realized that it was DIB who made this move. As Zim tried to debate whether he should slap Dib or return the kiss, Dib worked his tongue into Zim's mouth. Giving in to his emotions (and to the lusciousness that is Dib's mouth...), Zim began working his lips against Dib's, his own tongue finding its way into his mouth as well, closing his eyes.  
  
Dib murmured and let his shaking hands move up Zim's sides. Shuddering, Zim did the same to Dib's, except he was letting his cold, gloved claws move up Dib's shirt. He immediately felt Dib's body tense up, knowing that it was to be expected. Zim made the kiss deeper, further showing that even when engaged in possible "love-making", he was the one who was in control.  
  
Dib realized what Zim was doing. He smirked against the kiss and moved his hand away from Zim's chest. It traveled up Zim's shoulder and around the back of his neck. He felt Zim's body quiver beneath him, which Dib thoroughly enjoyed because not only did it feel good against his own body, it proved to him that his inexperienced hands were doing a damn good job!  
  
Zim broke off the kiss when he felt where Dib's fingertips had gone. He moaned loudly and laid back, keeping his eyes closed.  
  
Dib smiled and continued to play with the antenna he noticed sticking out of Zim's wig earlier. He would've said something to try and prove to everyone that Zim was an alien, but his mood prevented him from doing that.  
  
... But... was that what REALLY what prevented Dib from doing that...?  
  
As Zim opened his eyes, he noticed the bewilderment that Dib hosted in his own. At a failure for words, Zim bit his bottom lip and looked off to the side. Dib had stopped caressing his sensitive antenna and chest. With a look of disappointment, Zim pulled his claws out from under Dib's shirt and laid them at his sides.  
  
Just as it looked like Dib was about to say something to Zim, both of them heard the door open. Slowly, Dib looked over his shoulder, while Zim winced and closed his eyes, hoping that if he couldn't see anyone, they couldn't see him.  
  
  
  
*LOL* You all love how I ended that, huh? Aww dun lie, you know it be true! ... It's not? Oh... heh, well, I wanted to give you all another chance to choose the fate of these two love-human-and-alien... thingys... ehhhhhhhh okay! So, who's gonna be the one to interrupt Zim and Dib?  
  
Should it be Gaz, who got sick of waiting for her brother on the skool steps, and came in to look for him...?  
  
Should it be Mr. Elliot, exclaiming that Zim and Dib can help clean up the radioactive gerbil disaster...?  
  
Should it be GIR, wanting to tell Zim that he decorated their house with balloons filled with taco-meat, but he accidentally popped them all and needed Zim to help clean up...?  
  
Should it be the janitor, who was sent by Ms. Bitters to make Zim and Dib scrape off the gum on the bottom of the desks for the remainder of detention...?  
  
Hehe, review and tell me what you want, and lemme know if my story's gettin' any better! I like those good reviews; they make me all warm and fuzzy and slushie inside...  
  
Oh, and I hope I didn't disappoint anyone with this chapter! I promise you there WILL be more! And I'm gonna try and grow the balls to make the most sour lemon you've ever tasted... wait, read? Ever read? Okay, that sounds good.  
  
NARF!  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


	3. Friend or Foe?

Woo! I finally worked my way up to an 'R' rating! Don't get too excited, it's mostly because of language... for now =]  
  
Sorry it took me a while to get this chapter up. And I'm sorry if it sucks. It's just that my medication has been really screwing with my system lately and it skurres me. My whole body shakes real bad and my face turns bright red and I feel like I'm gonna pass out. It just skurres me cuz I dunno what to do and it reminds me of when I took too many Excedrins (I'm not suicidal, and I never was). But I'm going for a blood test tomorrow to see how much Lithium (among other shit, phft) is in my system, so maybe it'll be too much and I'll get a new doctor. My mommy and I hate my doctor. We have our reasons... *Looks around suspiciously* But anyways. It's not like you all needed to hear that, and I'm not saying it to gain attention, really, that's the last thing I want. It's just that it's 12:59 AM and I have no one to talk to and I'm too skurred to sleep. This is my temporary outlet, and I'm sorry that you all had to read that. This chapter's a little slow, not much going on, but I'll make it up to you, I promise. Oh, and sorry about the cliché name, it just fit so well.  
  
The votes for this chapter's plot were tied (gasp!) between Mr. Elliot and the janitor, so I picked the one I felt would flow better. Hope I didn't disappoint anyone =]  
  
Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, but these are just a couple I felt I needed to respond to...  
  
MiracleChick: Thank you so much for all the compliments! "A gem of a story." Damn! You really gotta feel for something before you can compare it to a precious stone! *L* You made me feel really special and I hope I return the favor by writing this li'l part just for you! =] Thanks again and I'm glad you're enjoyin' muh story!  
  
skidlebop: Kudos to you! I think you'll be happy with this, seeing as how you're idea was used... come outta that closet! You are still loved!  
  
*Hands all the other reviewers alarm clocks* Talk to them! They tell funny jokes!  
  
  
  
"Oh my, I thought I told you boys to be good!"  
  
Dib jumped up, flushed with sheer embarrassment. He threw his arms behind him and kneaded his knuckles into the back of his trench coat-like jacket. He stared down at his feet, only to find Zim's legs between them. This action was supposed to hide the hue of Dib's cheeks, but it only made them turn brighter. Zim opened his eyes and hoisted himself up on his elbows, peering through Dib's legs at an exasperated Mr. Elliot.  
  
Florescent green puddles of radioactive waste and gerbil tracks soaked into his slacks and tailored shirt. Despite the mess, and possible danger, Mr. Elliot still wore that chipper smile of his.  
  
Dib held his breath, praying that the teacher didn't suspect the obvious. Zim scooted back and sat up all the way, making sure his face was a good distance away from Dib's behind. The area where his nose would be was turning a bright and unusual shade of pink.  
  
Mr. Elliot shook his head and chuckled. "You boys can never get enough of each other, huh!"  
  
That did it for poor Dib. Any redder and you woulda thought he just got done running a 10 mile marathon in under 4 minutes... or you woulda thought he got a li'l feisty with a tomato plant; whichever sounds better to you...  
  
Even though it was more like a green bean =P  
  
Mr. Elliot made a 'tsk tsk' noise and held up his finger. "You two must stop fighting and learn to settle your differences in other ways!"  
  
Dib looked up and blinked. A wave of relief rolled over his reddened face.  
  
Zim shuffled uneasily in the back and adjusted his wig, gaining the unwanted attention of the optimistic teacher. "What's the matter, Zim? He didn't hurt you too bad, I hope!"  
  
Dib fought the urge to look back and see what the alien was doing while Zim shook his head violently.  
  
"Good, I'm glad! Because I've got a little surprise for you boys... they're letting me take you with us!"  
  
Dib's voice cracked as he spoke. "Who's letting us? Where?"  
  
Mr. Elliot waved toward the general direction of the cafeteria. "The lunch ladies! The radioactive gerbils got out of the kitchen somehow and are rampaging through the city! It's all so exciting to chase them! And fun... until you get covered with the stuff... they say that can't be good... oh, but the adrenaline rush! So whaddya say? Wanna join?"  
  
Mr. Elliot's face looked so enthusiastic that it easily passed as frightening. Zim and Dib both shook their disturbing image-filled heads.  
  
"Aww, well, the skool staff is going to be too busy chasing the gerbils to make sure you two stay here, so you might as well leave! And now, if you'll excuse me..." Mr. Elliot bounced out of the classroom in a random display of vigor, not bothering to shut the door. Zim and Dib stared after the teacher as he bounded down the hall, hearing him shout: "Hey, wait up!"  
  
A few moments of painful silence followed. Zim got up slowly and patiently waited for Dib to move out of his way. Hearing his enemy rise behind him, Dib got the faint point and made his way through the doorway. He wasn't in a hurry to leave though; not only was he enjoying Zim's company (despite how awkward it was), Zim's house wasn't far from his own. And unless one of them decided to go the long way home, it looked like they were both in for a stroll through the neighborhood together.  
  
Dib walked through the skool's double-doors, holding one of them open for his foe. Zim stared at Dib, obviously skeptical of this act of kindness. Dib sighed and glared at Zim. "Cheese, did you WANT me to close it on you or something?"  
  
Stifling a laugh, Zim sauntered through the open door. Before Dib let go of the handle, he glanced around.  
  
"What ARE you looking for, stink-beast?" Zim placed his hand on the door and pushed it closed for him. Dib would've smirked, but was too busy looking around.  
  
"My sister usually waits for me after skool. I'm just wondering if she's still here." Dib walked down the steps, still eyeing his surroundings.  
  
Taking a quick look around himself, Zim decided to toy with the earth- monkey. "Well, of course she's not still here, it's been about 30 minutes since skool ended! Who would wait that long for YOU?"  
  
Dib looked up and gave Zim an offended glower. "Look, I'm just saying she might've gotten caught up in her stupid video games long enough to stick around."  
  
Zim leaped from the skool steps and stood at Dib's side. "Well, apparently she didn't. Not long enough for you, anyways."  
  
He started walking, not noticing Dib's absence for a few feet. When he did realize that Dib wasn't following, he looked back. Not only was Dib not following... he wasn't even there.  
  
Zim made a complete circle, looking around for any sign of Dib's wacky hair or trench coat-like jacket, but found none. Not thinking too much of it, he continued his walk home, taking the time to think about what went on today.  
  
Why did he find the Dib-human attractive all of a sudden? That's just what he was; a HUMAN. And a MALE human, at that. Zim wasn't sure about the people of earth, but falling for someone of the same sex on Irk was looked at as sick and wrong.  
  
*Back on The Massive*  
  
A lone Irken guard carried a tray piled with sandwiches down a poorly lit corridor. Puzzled by the lack of light, she stopped in front of The Tallests' room and was about to press the buzzer near the door when she heard two separate voices coming from inside. Her eyes widening, she raised her antennae and let her finger hover above the button.  
  
"NOOOO! Please, Red, no more! I ca -" "SAY IT BITCH!" "Please! Please stop, I'm beggi - *CRACK* OUCH! Don't do that!" "THERE'S A LOT MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM, FUCKER!" "Oh Red, no, don't - *CRACK* OW! FUCK! You need to calm do -" "I TOLD YOU I WON'T STOP UNTIL YOU SAY IT!" "*CRACK* AHH! Okay, if I say - *CRACK* *Fhhh* it, then will yo - *CRACK* DAMNIT, LEMME FINISH!" "... OH HAWLZ NAW, NOW I KNOW YOU DID NOT JUST ORDER ME AROUND, PURPLE." "I'm sor - *CRACK* *Fhhhhhh* I'm sorry! Please stop Red, it hurts too mu - *CRACK* SHIT!" "SAY IT!" "..." "GO ON!" "*CRACK* OWIEEEE okay okay! ... You'z muh daddy." "What was that, Purple?" "YOU'Z MUH DADDY!" "..." "*Sigh*" "DAMN STRAIGHT BITCH!" "*CRACK* YEEEEEEEOW!"  
  
The guard dropped the tray. Without another thought, she flailed down the hall, screaming at the top of her... organs.  
  
*Back on Earth*  
  
Zim decided that there was no way another Irken could possibly have feelings for someone of the same sex. The mere thought of him liking a male worm-baby was disgusting.  
  
... But he couldn't blame himself. Dib was so different from the other mindless beings on this planet. Even at a young age, he was much smarter than the adults around him. And he ran so deep... Zim thought that even if he took his whole life to try to get to know him, he wouldn't discover the secrets that lay in the depths of his Dibby soul (Aww...).  
  
That was another thing that bugged Zim. His feelings toward his somewhat enemy were all emotional. That was really peculiar, considering the li'l Irken pimp that he was. (*Tries not to laugh*)  
  
Zim didn't have much longer to think, though. A messy lime green puppy suddenly came running toward him, hugging what looked like.  
  
"FILTH POPS?! GIR, NOT AGAIN!"  
  
  
  
*LOL* IRKEN PIMP! Oh I hope you all found that as funny as I did. ... But then again, I don't have a normal sense of humor, so maybe I shouldn't hope for something like that. Either way, I hope you are enjoying the story so far. Tell me why Dib disappeared and where he went!  
  
Because he felt worthless, and he took the long way home...  
  
Because he was pissed, and he went for a walk in the park...  
  
Because he was embarrassed, and he ducked behind the skool steps...  
  
Last time, I had a couple reviewers who had a lotta nice things to say (God bless their precious livers), but didn't bother to vote! It DOES count people! Talk to skidlebop! She'll (He'll? I dunno =[ ) tell ya!  
  
Anyways, me and Jumbo and Bankie love you all, and thanks for reading! As soon as I get enough votes, I'll write more! It can only get better =P  
  
... I think I over-used the word 'anyways' in this chapter.  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


	4. Golden Sprinkles That Resembled Stars an...

Hello hello! I'm happy to say that I'm doing a little better now (it didn't take long, eh?). I haven't been taking my medicine so my spirits aren't as high as they could be and I think you'll notice that as you read on. Or maybe you won't. Hah, oh well, this chapter's kinda sad, especially if you're a Dib fan. Again, not much really happening, but I have some good ideas in mind for further chapters, so just hang in there. And of course you guys will continue to assist with what happens! So just enjoy it as it comes to ya.  
  
Thanks for all the good reviews! Wow, at this rate I'm gonna turn into a conceited prep by the time I finish this. Wait. No. How can I say that. Damnit, someone flame me, quick! *L* No, don't! It's just that sometimes I resort to drastic measures when it comes to... preps... *Shudders* I hope I'm not offending anyone... I was a prep once, yes... *Nods solemnly*  
  
It hurt.  
  
Invader Jet: Meeeheeee, I hear that a lot, thanks =D  
  
Thanks to all my other readers. I love you all. *Waves all beauty-pageant- like and blows kisses*  
  
  
  
Dib pressed his back against the cold cement of the skool steps and closed his eyes, his cheeks burning. The way Zim acted like nothing ever happened pissed him off. It almost hurt him.  
  
... Almost?  
  
Dib sighed and looked down at his feet. Thousands of thoughts swam around in his mind, each one too confusing and painful to dwell on, and many too hard to put into words. Dib stood up slowly, feeling dizzy. He didn't need to be stressing over this, not now. He began walking home, taking the long way so that he wouldn't have to walk through Zim's neighborhood.  
  
A couple blocks away, Zim was busy trying to hold back a robot in a soiled dog suit while he handed a wad of cash to yet another infuriated ice cream man. "THERE. Stupid human, that should take care of the damage."  
  
The ice cream man grumbled and snatched the money from Zim's claw. He leafed through it a couple times, his face puckering in mentation as he went over the figures in his head. "Uhmn... good enough. Next time, keep that pup of yours tied up. This city has a leash law, ya know." The man turned and waddled back to ice cream van.  
  
Zim blew a raspberry and walked toward his house, carrying GIR under his arm by the waist. "I'm thinking about executing that horrible ice cream servant's advice, GIR."  
  
The oblivious SIR squealed with delight at the idea. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!"  
  
Zim ignored the shriek and walked up to his door. It opened presently and his robotic parents greeted him as warmly as an unfeeling voice recording could be. "Welcome home, son!"  
  
Zim stepped passed them as GIR waved ecstatically. "HI MOM! HI DAD! WHERE'S MY SNACK?!"  
  
Zim dropped GIR in the middle of the living room with a clang. He put his hands on his hips and looked down at his companion sternly. "Tomorrow I shall bind you to a lawn decoration, where you won't be able to create chaos among the world of ice cream marketing."  
  
GIR suddenly comprehended what his master was getting at. "Awwwww noooooo! The Scary Monkey Show Marathon is on tomorrow!"  
  
Zim blinked indifferently. "... Tomorrow I shall bind you to a lawn decoration, where you won't be able to create chaos among the world of ice cream marketing."  
  
GIR wailed. "But -"  
  
"TOMORROW I SHALL BIND YOU TO A LAWN DECORATION, WHERE YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO CREATE CHAOS AMONG THE WORLD OF ICE CREAM MARKETING!" Zim fumed, making sure he got the point across.  
  
GIR screamed and jumped up and down. "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HA - Oo look, a penny!"  
  
Zim rolled his eyes and headed to his lab while GIR smiled cheerfully and picked the coin up off the floor.  
  
Dib opened the door to his house and dragged his backpack inside tiredly. The long way home was a lot longer than he thought. With an exhausted grunt he heaved his bag onto the couch and was about to walk up to his room when a monotonous voice resounded from the kitchen. "Where were you?"  
  
Dib froze.  
  
Gaz appeared from around the wall with a piece of greasy cheese-dripping pizza. She looked more irate than usual. "Well?"  
  
Dib felt his cheeks redden as he remembered where he was... and what he was doing... and who he was doing it with. "I-I got in t-trouble..."  
  
Gaz raised an eyebrow, half-interested in Dib's reaction. "What happened?"  
  
Dib blushed even more as he frantically searched for something so say. "Uh, well, I got in a fight, um, that's all, nothing else happened..."  
  
Gaz smirked. "Dib, you're such a bad liar."  
  
"I did..." Dib swallowed hard and rubbed his elbow, looking off to the side.  
  
Gaz seemed somewhat surprised. "Did you win? ... Never mind, I already know the answer to that."  
  
Dib shifted his weight to one side. His sibling took a bite of her pizza and eyed Dib suspiciously. "Who'd you fight?"  
  
Dib smiled softly, a picture of Zim forming vaguely in his large head.  
  
Gaz knew who Dib was thinking about, even though she was too busy playing with her Game Slave 2 at lunch earlier that day to pay attention to Zim's antics. But the smile that played on her brother's lips AS he thought of him weirded Gaz out. Without another word, she disappeared into the kitchen, leaving a trail of spookiness and pizza-cheese behind.  
  
Dib walked up the stairs warily, beating himself up inside for sounding so stupid and making it so obvious. He entered his room and closed the door gently, not wanting his sister downstairs to think he had a reason for closing it. ... Even though he DID, just not the reason YOU sickos are thinking... cheese, I'm not getting THAT lemony... not yet, anyways... psh. *L* He sprawled out on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, letting his complex mind wander through 'if's and 'but's and 'maybe's and 'no's and 'kinda's and 'definitely's, all of them circling around Zim. After a while, his sentiments somehow lead him to start thinking about his mother. Dib's face, which had been peacefully aglow, became solemn and distressed. Images of when he found his mother dead flashed before his eyes, and he tried to shut them out, cringing. But they came back, and he was forced to relive that day.  
  
Four red candles burned brightly on a dark blue cake. A gray flying saucer was carefully traced into the frosting among golden sprinkles that resembled stars and Froot Loops that acted as planets. Dib remembered the planets best because he found it peculiar that his cake was decorated with cereal until he learned that it was Gaz's idea. He then found it funny and gave his sister a hug.  
  
"Go on, blow out the candles!"  
  
Dib looked up at where the voice came from. It was so pretty; calm and serene in a world that was neither of those things. His mother's honey eyes sparkled with excitement. "C'mon! You can do it, Dibby!"  
  
Dib smiled meekly at his mother's encouragement and took a deep breath. Gaz clapped and made a tiny squeal, then leaned forward, eager to help her older brother. They both blew simultaneously, though Dib's breath lasted longer than Gaz's. The candles flickered out slowly, then ignited themselves. Gaz clapped and laughed with joy and Dib stared in awe. His mother laughed and rubbed her son's shoulders. "Ooop! Better try again, little one!"  
  
Dib grinned with determination and blew harder, this time with his mother's help. The candles went out completely.  
  
"Yay! Good job! You too, Gaz! Now... who wants ice cream?"  
  
The two kids cheered. After cake and ice cream, Dib's mother got up from the table and left the kitchen. She returned with a colorfully wrapped gift and set it on the table, right in front of Dib. He smiled up at her incredulously. "Another one?!"  
  
His mother chuckled and lowered her voice. "This is one that I got especially for you." She winked and nodded at the present. "Aren'tcha gonna open it?"  
  
Dib ripped away the wrapping paper and stared at the picture on the box. It was a red and yellow plastic lawnmower with bubbles floating around it. Dib frowned. It wasn't anything like the telescope his father got for him earlier. He glanced up at his mother, preparing to tell her that he didn't like it. But when he saw the joy that radiated from his mother's smile, he couldn't help but to lie. "It's... nice Mommy... thank you..." With that, Dib smiled and wrapped his arms around his mother's upper thigh. She ran her fingers through his hair and beamed down at him.  
  
"I'm glad you like it, little one. Now, why don't we take it for a test run? I'm sure our grass could use some mowing right about now!"  
  
After getting the bubble-mower all set and ready to use, Dib's mother carried it and Gaz out to the backyard, while Dib followed reluctantly. His mother put the mower down in the middle of the yard and stepped back. "Okay Dibby, do Mommy a favor and cut the grass!"  
  
Dib giggled at the sense of responsibility that crept up his arms as he held the mower in front of him. He slowly pushed it forward, and as he did so, a couple bubbles popped out of the so-called motor. He stopped and stared at the bubbles that danced up to his face, and laughed gleefully when one landed on his nose without popping. "Mommy, look!"  
  
His mother laughed. "Eat it!"  
  
Dib opened his mouth and snapped at the bubble, causing it to pop near his mouth. His eyes widened and he giggled some more. Gaz reached for the other bubble that made its way over to her and mimicked her brother. "Mmm!"  
  
Later that night, after Gaz was put to sleep, Dib's mother sat on the couch next to her child and turned off the TV that he was watching. Dib looked up at his mother questioningly. She wrapped an arm around him and drew him close, sighing. Dib sighed too, and buried his face into his mother's side. He loved the smell of her. Back then, everything smelled like her. Now her scent was only a sharp memory.  
  
She stared straight ahead. "I'm sorry your father couldn't stay here long, Dibby."  
  
Dib looked up at his mother, not knowing what to say. He was confused. Something sounded wrong. Something in his mom's voice. "Dun worry Mommy, he still loves you."  
  
She looked down at him, a sad smile on her face. "I know baby, I know."  
  
They sat in silence for a few moments until Dib's mother stood up slowly. "I'll be right back Dibby. Stay here."  
  
Dib watched his mother walk up the stairs and heard the door to his parent's room close. He stared at the blank TV screen in front of him, waiting for his mother's return.  
  
Time passed. Dib was too young to tell time, but he knew that a lot of it had gone by. He wanted to go up and join his mom, but her words replayed in his head.  
  
"Stay here."  
  
He shuffled around a bit. Picked his nose, cleaned his glasses, kicked off his shoes. Then he heard a faint thud from upstairs. Alarmed, Dib crawled off the couch and ran up the stairs as fast as his little legs could carry him. He knocked on his parent's door.  
  
There was no answer.  
  
Dib opened the door a crack. "Mommy?"  
  
Still no answer.  
  
He peeked through the crack and saw his mother lying on her belly in the middle of the floor. He stepped inside the room and tiptoed toward his mom's lifeless body, tripping over an empty bottle of pills. Dib stopped and looked down at the orange container, not really giving it a second thought. He knew those pills were to make his mother happy.  
  
Dib crouched beside his mother and shook her shoulder. "Mommy? Mommy, wake up!"  
  
Her smooth black hair fell over her colorless face. Dib cocked his head to one side, puzzled as to why his mother wouldn't get up. "Mommy, c'mon..." He continued to push down on his mother's shoulder, applying more force as the big hand on the clock went by. His cries became more urgent too, and soon he was yelling in his mother's ear. "MOMMY!"  
  
With a defeated pout, Dib plopped down on his behind and stared at the body before him, painfully realizing that his mother wasn't going to wake up.  
  
Dib wiped the tears from his cheeks and opened his eyes. Why was the memory of that day still with him? It was so crisp, like it had only happened yesterday. He hated it. But he was glad he still had the memory. It made him feel special. After all, he was the only one who could look back at it. His dad was at work and his sister was asleep. The fact that his face was the last face his mother smiled at made Dib feel special too. She was the only thing he had at the time, and he liked to think of her as all his. Dib knew it was selfish, but if his dad wouldn't take her, then he might as well keep her. His father didn't know what he had missed. Dib's mother was such a kind and gentle woman, and she was so cheerful... Dib now understood that all her smiles were there just to hide the hurt inside, but he treasured them because he knew how hard it must have been to put them on. She had a lot of problems. With too many personality disorders to list, the doctors all believed that she was beyond help. But she wasn't insane. She was as normal as any other middle-aged woman with a workaholic as a husband. She was just troubled. And after nine years of carrying the world on her shoulders, she couldn't take it anymore. That's why she ended it.  
  
It hurt Dib more than anyone out of the family, mainly because his sister was only two at the time and his father was too busy with his work to really love the woman.  
  
Dib felt that it was his own fault. He thought he could've done something that night to make her feel better, to prevent her suicide.  
  
But then that would be like carrying the world on his shoulders. And his mother wouldn't want that.  
  
"Chin up, little one! Tomorrow's a brand new day."  
  
Dib smiled sadly and wiped the remainder of tears from his face, then curled up and fell asleep.  
  
  
  
*Sniff*  
  
Keep in mind that it's still the afternoon, Dib's just taking a nap. And it's Friday, a lot can happen with Zim and Dib between now and tomorrow... *Winks deviously* Oh man I'm naughty... so tell me, diligent reader, what's gonna happen next?  
  
Is Dib going to wake up around sunset and go over Zim's house with the excuse of spying on him (but we all know the REAL reason =] )...?  
  
Or...  
  
Is GIR going to run to Dib's house and make Zim chase after him...? Which leads to other things... heh heh...  
  
Sorry for the lack of choices this time... just pick one and tell me what you think of the story! I'll try to have another chapter up soon. Thank you for reading! *Throws out complimentary Santa hats*  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


	5. Things That Involve Handcuffs and Gravy ...

*Does a little dance* Yay! More lemonade! *Drools* Yup, I'm happy to say that I finally got around to a little more Zimmy-Dibby-Lovey-Dovey... shtuff! Again, thank you so much for the encouraging reviews!  
  
True Locket: DAMN! *L* You want another scene with the Tallests AND a part where Gaz walks in on Zim and Dib?! *L* I love you, you're too much! I'll try and get the Tallests in here again, but not this chapter. I got a little something planned for later on =P  
  
sushisama: Whoa! Hehe, I'm glad you like it so far, thanks a bunch! I'll try and include GIR a little more and I have to agree with ya; ZAGR's really DON'T fit (no offense to ZAGR fans out there, I just don't see how it connects, that's all).  
  
Kimi the Kenlei: Looks like you've found my other ficcy =D I'm glad you did, I think this one is much better than the other. I started the other when I got bored. It's a cute one but this one has more depth and is more challenging to write because I don't know where this one is going. My other fic is all planned out in my head already. But thanks for the compliments! And, yes, I'm sure this is my first fic ,=P  
  
Thanks to all the other reviewers! And a special thanks to skidlebop, who made a very good point in the last review about Zim not caring where GIR goes. I made it so that Zim WILL care and you'll soon see why! So go! Read! Yes! Enjoy!  
  
  
  
Back at Zim's house, GIR was making peanut butter and Corn Flake sandwiches (I'm gonna try that sometime...) for dinner while Zim sat on the couch and watched TV. He normally wouldn't bother with the horrible television programs that planet earth had to offer, but he was too busy daydreaming about Dib to really pay attention anyway. He stared blankly at the screen in front of him, the light and colors bouncing off his green skin in the dusky setting of the living room.  
  
"And now, back to 'When MS DOS Attacks IX'."  
  
Zim chuckled lightly to himself. "Stupid inferior computer program..."  
  
GIR suddenly bounded into the room, carrying a platter stacked with four poorly made sandwiches. He plopped down next to his master and set the tray between them. GIR immediately stuffed one of his tasty creations into his large mouth and smacked his aluminiferous lips together obnoxiously. He looked up at his master questioningly when he didn't hear the indignant complaints he expected from Zim, and chewed louder. Zim continued to stare straight ahead, his mouth formed into a barely visible grin.  
  
GIR ceased his ridiculously loud habit of eating and stared up at his master curiously, some peanut butter smeared across his cheeks. And in that little bouncy-ball-loose-change-paper-clip-screwy mind of his, something clicked. GIR's eyes lit up, enthralled, as he understood what was going on.  
  
"... MASTER'S GOT HEMROIDS!"  
  
Zim looked down at his comrade, his forehead furrowing in bewilderment. He didn't even bother to ask as he reached down and gingerly lifted one of GIR's sandwiches up to his mouth. He parted his lips and was about to take a bite when GIR abruptly jumped into his lap. He closed his mouth and eyed the dysfunctional SIR.  
  
GIR's expressionless eyes burned into his master's. Zim felt a little uneasy under GIR's stare and took a bite out of his sandwich. GIR never took his eyes off his lord.  
  
When Zim finished the sandwich, GIR announced his uncanny ability to read his master's mind. "... AND you got a crush on somebody!"  
  
Zim's face fell. He gaped at the robot incredulously. "W-WHAT?! LIAR! YOU LIEEEEEE!"  
  
GIR smiled, his master's reaction making it clear that he was correct. "You do! Awww, master has a crushy!"  
  
Zim's eyes darted around as if he were looking for a way to cover up his embarrassment. It was too late though; his face was already that unnatural pink color. "I-I don't know what you're talking about! The Dib-human means nothi -"  
  
There was a long pause.  
  
GIR squealed. "YAY! YOU'RE GONNA GET MARRIED TO DIB AND DO IT EVERY NIGHT AND HAVE 10,000 EARTHKEN BABIES!"  
  
Zim's face grew even pinker as he considered the thought. "10,000... I can do that... easily... I got stamina... wait, NO GIR, I COMMAND YOU TO STOP YOUR FOOLISH TALK!"  
  
GIR cackled insanely. "Does he know does he know does he knoooooow?"  
  
Zim blushed and looked down. "No, not ye - I mean, NO, THERE'S NOTHING FOR HIM TO KNOW!"  
  
GIR gave his master a skeptical look. "I'm gonna go tell him!"  
  
Zim gasped and grew faint. "Y-you wouldn't DARE..."  
  
But GIR was already heading for the door. "I'M GONNA GO TELL HIIIIIM!"  
  
"NO! GIR, I ORDER YOU TO GET BACK HERE!" Zim tried his hardest to sound firm, but the panic in his voice prevented this. He dove for the devious robot, but GIR was too fast for him. Zim smacked against the tiled floor and looked up through the doorway to see his companion disappear behind the wooden fence. He scrambled to his feet and nearly tripped over the doorstep as he raced down the sidewalk after his undisguised SIR.  
  
Dib stirred and opened his eyes, automatically glancing at the clock. The red digital numbers glowed 7:42. With a discontented grunt, he sat up and rubbed under his glasses, removing the crusties that the tears he shed earlier left behind. The nap didn't make him feel any better, contrary to what most people think. Dib heaved a gloomy sigh and looked out at the beautiful sunset before leaving his room. It was then when GIR's silhouette appeared in Dib's open window, framed by the orange sky.  
  
Zim tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and tumbled over Dib's lawn. He recovered from the fall quickly and stood up, his eyes looking up at Dib's house just in time to see GIR fly into the window. "GIR! NO!"  
  
Dib walked downstairs, running his hands through his matted hair, finding that his single spike survived the tangle of pillows and sheets. He found Gaz laying on her belly in front of the TV, coloring a picture of what appeared to be a boy wearing blue and black holding hands with a green blob. Dib leaned over his sister and stared at the drawing curiously. It didn't take him long to recognize the two. His face grew paler than usual. "Gaz?"  
  
She smirked and drew a few red hearts around the couple; the same color she knew her brother's cheeks would be turning soon. "Yes?"  
  
Dib pointed. "W-who is that?"  
  
"Who? This?" Gaz patted her portrait of Dib on the paper. "This is you."  
  
"I know who that is!" Dib snapped at his sibling. "Who's... the other one..."  
  
Gaz smiled. "That's your boyfriend."  
  
"I... have a boyfriend?" Dib raised his eyebrows.  
  
Gaz simply nodded.  
  
"And... what's my... boyfriend's... n-name?"  
  
Gaz grinned. "Zim."  
  
Dib's face turned the same color of the hearts on Gaz's lovely drawing, just like she figured they would. Without another word, she stood up and walked upstairs to her room, leaving her artwork behind.  
  
Dib leaned down and picked up the sheet of paper. He observed the picture carefully. 'Well... I gotta hand it to her... she's pretty good for her age...'  
  
'KNOCK KNOCK ding dong KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK'  
  
Dib gave the door a weird look, crumpled up the drawing and tossed it behind the cactus in the corner of the room. Who was at the door and why did they sound so eager to get in?  
  
Zim pounded on the door with all his might and pressed the doorbell repeatedly. He needed to get inside and somehow stop GIR from telling the human how he felt!  
  
But GIR was still up in Dib's room, intrigued by the words of the Bible and the scribbling in Dib's journal.  
  
Dib opened the door and tried to hide his surprise to see Zim standing there. "Oh! Uh... what do YOU want, space-boy?"  
  
Zim looked over Dib's shoulder nervously. "I know this may sound a little strange but can I come in? You see, my robot flew up into your room and I ne -"  
  
"WEEEEEHEEEEEHOOOOO!"  
  
Dib turned around and saw GIR sliding down the stair railing with a blue notebook in his hand.  
  
"HEY! That's my journal!"  
  
GIR ignored Dib's cry and ran under his legs toward Zim. "Master! Wanna hear something gooooood?"  
  
Dib stared down at the robot, a horrified expression on his red face. "NO! He can't hear ANYthing in there! It's... it's top secret! That's where all my... umn... top secret plans-to-catch-Zim go! So that they remain top secret!"  
  
GIR giggled. "That's not what you wrote last niiiiii-iiiight..."  
  
Dib flushed. "I-I don't know what you're talking about!"  
  
"GIR, read it to me!" Zim was interested in what Dib had to write about him.  
  
GIR beamed and flipped to the most recent entry. "Dear journal, right now I'm not doing too good. I just got done cutting. It's starting to burn, but I'm glad. I feel like I deserve it. I deserve it for cutting in the first place and deserve it for just being alive. I talked to God and He made me feel a little better, so there's not much to write about now. Except Zim."  
  
GIR stopped for a moment and nudged his master's leg. "This is where is starts to get yummy!"  
  
Zim stared at the troubled boy in front of him, who was an unhealthy shade of red and gray.  
  
GIR continued reading. "I know I shouldn't feel like this for another guy, especially not an alien, but I can't help but to think that under all the insults I throw and mean things I do there's a part of me that really really likes Zim. I often find myself waking up in the middle of the night and imagining that he's there next to me. I've even had dreams about him. At first, they were cool ones, like me stopping Zim and being all famous and stuff. But now I just dream about him and I... DOING things together. Things that I ENJOY. Things that involve handcuffs and gravy and... other ungodly substances... and things about the male anatomy that I didn't even know I knew! It's insane! It's sick! It's... arousing... I can't believe I'm writing this down. I'm just gonna stop right here."  
  
Silence.  
  
GIR made a squeaking noise and looked up between Zim and Dib. Dib's eyes were closed tight and his face was puckered in humiliation. Zim's aspect was hard to analyze. He gazed at Dib and slowly reached out to him. Dib looked up, startled, as a gloved claw slid down the side of his warm face. Zim's tender eyes looked into Dib's.  
  
"So... when are you going to put those plans on catching me into action?"  
  
Dib's eyes widened with surprise and he let them fall once again, too embarrassed to give a reasonable answer.  
  
Zim stepped over GIR and entered the house, pressing his body against Dib's. Dib stepped back, not sure if he was getting away from Zim or letting him in further. It didn't matter, because Zim wrapped his arms around Dib and pulled his body close. He felt that Dib was uptight and wanted to make it so that he wasn't. Uttering gentle words of comfort, he slowly walked against Dib's body, heading toward the couch. Dib clung to Zim's back and stared at his shoulder, too anxious to go along with it, yet too excited to refuse.  
  
GIR smiled vacantly as he observed the two, then pulled out Dib's Bible from his head that doubled as a thermos and began to read from where Dib had left off.  
  
Dib leaned back against the soft couch while Zim crawled on top. His breathing became erratic as Zim traced a claw over his lips. Dib softly bit the end of the gloved claw and pulled his head in one direction, causing the glove to slide off, revealing Zim's flawless green flesh. Dib loosened his teeth's grip on the leather and it fell to the floor. Zim pulled off the glove's mate and tossed it aside then reached up the sleeves of Dib's trench-coat-like jacket. Dib cringed as he realized what Zim was doing.  
  
A confused and hurt look took over Zim's face as his bare claws lightly traveled up Dib's scabbed arms. His eyes asked "why?" but Dib couldn't answer. He had never been asked that question. He tried to prepare a reply many times in his head before, but found that even he didn't know. All he knew is that it was a temporary fix.  
  
Zim pulled his hands out from Dib's trench coat-like jacket and ran them over his chest and shoulders. Dib just laid there, his eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of Zim's body against his once again. Zim leaned down and brushed his lips against Dib's, letting his tongue run along the inside of them as he did so. Dib parted his lips and invited Zim's tongue inside, caressing it with his own.  
  
Zim mumbled, letting his claws move up Dib's neck and over his cheeks. He liked the way Dib's face fit into the depressions of his claws. He kissed the corner of Dib's respondent mouth and moved away to watch Dib's facial expression change from a sense of pleasure to a sense of being let down.  
  
Zim leaned down again and rubbed his cheek against Dib's, closing his eyes. He felt Dib's body tremble below his and wondered if it was from anxiety or pleasure as he sucked and nipped at his earlobe. Dib moaned slightly and rubbed Zim's back. He slid his hands up where Zim's ribs would be and pushed him up. Zim sat up and gave him a confused look, his face that carnation pink hue again. Dib reached up Zim's shirt and pulled it up and over Zim's head, knocking his Irken I.D. PAK off. The pack fell between Dib's feet and he prodded it to the edge of the couch until it fell off, then waited for Zim's reaction. Zim didn't seem to care as he took his shirt out of Dib's hands and tossed it to the ground. He pulled Dib up with him and slid his hands under his jacket, dragging it off his shoulders and leaving it laid out behind Dib. Zim glimpsed at Dib's mangled arms and winced a bit. He couldn't understand how someone could do that to him or herself. But he knew that questioning it would make Dib feel awkward, and he didn't want that.  
  
Zim tugged the shirt off Dib's head and threw it over his shoulder. Dib reached up and ran his short fingernails over Zim's chest, making him shiver. Dib smiled, sort of proud of himself that he could conjure a reaction like that out of Zim. But it wasn't anything like the reaction that Zim was preparing to conjure out of him...  
  
Zim looked over Dib's chest, alleviated that their anatomies were similar so far. His gaze fell upon Dib's belt buckle (yes, he wears a belt, I heard it jingle in 'Nanozim'! *Drools*) and he thought about what exactly was hiding underneath his pants. With a mischievous grin he reached down and fumbled with the belt buckle.  
  
Dib's eyes grew wide and he grabbed Zim's wrists on impulse. Zim looked up with a guilt-stricken frown. He didn't mean to startle Dib. He writhed out of Dib's grasp and rubbed Dib's upper thighs conservatively.  
  
Dib leaned forward and planted little kisses on Zim's soft green shoulder. He felt bad for holding Zim back but he was just too shy to let him go THAT far. He was still getting over the fact that Zim was in his house. He groped around for Zim's hands, but got a hold of something else instead. He opened his eyes and pulled away from Zim to study his face. Zim's eyes were wide and the area underneath was a vivid pink. Dib felt his cheeks burn too as he dared to look down.  
  
His hand was pressed rather firmly against the area between Zim's legs.  
  
"Oh God!" Dib pulled his hand away and bit his bottom lip. "I didn't mean to, I'm sorry..." He stammered on his words.  
  
Zim blinked.  
  
Dib rubbed the back of his neck and looked off to the side awkwardly. 'Well, at least now I know that there aren't many differences...'  
  
"I-It's okay..." Zim choked. "It j-just... galvanized me..."  
  
Dib looked up, a confused smile on his face. "It WHAT?"  
  
Just then, GIR yelped and slammed the Bible against his head repeatedly. Zim and Dib both looked over the couch at the delirious SIR. "GIR, what is it?!"  
  
  
  
MUHAHAHAHAHA! Well, what's GIR's malfunction?  
  
He wants to read some of the Bible to Zim and Dib...  
  
He is trying to warn Zim and Dib that Gaz is coming downstairs...  
  
He's trying to say that Prof. Membrane's van just pulled up (van? I dunno, I just picture that guy driving a van)...  
  
He wants to watch them pull out the handcuffs and gravy... (*Extremely amused smile*)  
  
Pick one! Any one, I don't care, all of them are good. They all hold pros and cons, but don't worry, no matter what happens, I'll make sure that I'm able to throw more lemony wafers in there! I plan on making this story long, because it can easily go on forever. I know I'll eventually get tired of it, but I'll keep writing if I feel like there's a lot more that can happen. And right now... ohhhhh yeah, there's a lot more that can happen =] So keep reading! The fist commands you! OBEY THE FIST!  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


	6. Aww, Don't Worry, Master's Good at This!

I finally got around to chapter 6! Hehe, and I finally grew the balls to START to make this lemony... yes, go me and my no-longer-balless-self... oh yeah... *Strikes a pose* *Busts a move* *L*  
  
Some are questioning about the whole gravy thing and, now that I think of it, it IS kinda weird... so I'll explain to you how the gravy came to be. I always hear about whipped cream and hot fudge and cherries being used for sexual stimulation, and me, being an individual and all, decided to think up of other things that I could use. I thought of Ed and how he bathes in gravy, then thought about how much I love mashed 'tatos, and the idea of using that for sexual purposes really... well... turned me on! *Blushes, feeling stupid and disturbed* So that's why I'm making this story involve gravy instead of the usual ice cream sundae. Sorry if it disappoints or disgusts, but don't worry, the gravy won't be a crucial factor in the story just yet!  
  
I know GIR sounds repetitive, but he's supposed to, it's not a mistake!  
  
Thank you so much for the good reviews! I'm very happy with this story and the fact that you all seem to be as well! I used Kimi the Kenlei's idea for the red fuzzy handcuffs! Wee! Thanks Kimi!  
  
DibsLyn: Patience is a virtue, my friend! The lemon (s?) is/are coming! ... Whoa, wait, did you just say I have POWER?! *Snickers evilly* I LIKE the sounds of that... *L* Thanks!  
  
Invader Jet: WHOODI HOO! I made a fan! Wow, that's awesome! Thanks =]  
  
Rogue: *LOL* Feel free to use that line! Glad you found it funny!  
  
And now... onward!  
  
  
  
GIR laughed and put down the Bible. "Malachi gave me an idea!"  
  
Zim gave his little robot a weird look. "Who?"  
  
GIR opened his metal head and pulled out two pairs of red fuzzy handcuffs.  
  
Zim's jaw dropped. "GIR... why do you have those with you...?"  
  
Dib raised an eyebrow. "A PROPHET gave you the idea for HANDCUFFS?!"  
  
"... What?" GIR cocked his head to one side.  
  
Dib looked down at the handcuffs, then considered the situation at hand. It finally registered with him. He turned bright red and glanced warily at Zim, who looked as if he was actually considering the idea. Dib's eyes grew wide and he shook his head slowly. The sensation of having absolutely no control over someone else's sexual actions frightened him to the point of tears. He didn't think he'd be able to contain himself. Gaz would hear him for sure.  
  
But Zim had made up his mind. Giving Dib a quick, barely noticeable wink, he scooted off the couch and walked over to GIR near the door. He took both of the furry scarlet handcuffs from GIR and thanked him nonchalantly. "You actually did something right for once, GIR. Good job."  
  
GIR jumped up and wrapped his arms around his master's neck. Zim yelped and tried to push his companion off, not wanting to fall victim to one of his hugs. But that wasn't GIR's intent. He leaned up and whispered something near his master's antenna.  
  
Zim's eyes widened. He looked at GIR doubtfully. "Humans actually... DO that?"  
  
"... What?" GIR cocked his head to one side.  
  
The confused Irken pulled GIR off his shoulder and held him out far before dropping him with a clang. "It sounds disgusting to me... FOOD, of all things... but... okay..." Zim turned and disappeared into Dib's kitchen.  
  
Dib peeked over the couch and gawked at GIR. "What did you tell him to use?!"  
  
"... What?" GIR cocked his head to one side.  
  
Dib shrank back into the couch, biting his bottom lip nervously. GIR climbed up the backside of the sofa and rested his chin on the top. "Aww, don't worry, master's good at this!"  
  
Dib stifled a laugh and stared up at GIR, wondering if he knew what he was talking about. "Oh?"  
  
"... What?" GIR cocked his head to one side.  
  
Dib narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "How does Zim put up with you everyday?"  
  
GIR stuck his tongue out and blew a raspberry in response. Dib rolled his eyes and crossed his arms gingerly, careful of the vulnerable scrapes that hadn't had much time to heal.  
  
Zim looked in the refrigerator and pawed through its contents, murmuring the name of each thing he came across under his breath. "Peaches... Redi Whip... tapioca pudding... Trix yogurt... gravy......... gravy? Hmm..." He pulled the Tupperware container out of the icebox and popped it into the microwave. After a little less than a minute of radiating re-heatable magic (oooh... aaah...) the gravy bubbled slightly. Zim took the plastic container out of the microwave and winced from the smell. "Filthy poultry and beef topping..."  
  
GIR pulled Dib's shirt over his head and watched as the gray face of apathy folded and wrinkled in front of him, due to his lack of height and width. He giggled. "MINE!"  
  
Dib, who had surveyed GIR silently to try and keep his mind off what he knew was going to happen, finally leaned forward and held out his hand in objection. "Hey, no, that's mine! You can't -"  
  
Dib felt his glasses being removed from his face. Before he could react, everything went blurry. "Gah! No, I -" Then everything went dark. Dib gasped softly and felt a knot being tied behind his head.  
  
Zim shook with anticipation and slid his pointy tongue behind Dib's ear, tightening the blindfold he made from his shirt. He walked around to the front of the couch and cradled Dib in his arms, lifted him up and carried him upstairs. Dib held his breath, not sure of what he should say, or rather, if he should say anything at all. It reminded him of when he would pretend to be asleep downstairs just so his mother would carry him up to his room. He liked to hear her mumble things like "Wow, you're gettin' heavy" and "Ack, almost clipped your head there". Dib smiled softly and snuggled up against the warmth of the body close to him, momentarily forgetting about the two handcuffs that hung loosely at Zim's side or the container of gravy that GIR clumsily carried behind.  
  
Zim backed into Dib's room, pushing the half-closed door open with his rear. GIR stumbled on Dib's shirt and nearly dropped the gravy. Zim growled angrily at his sidekick, fearing that he would ruin everything. "Be careful, GIR." He walked to Dib's bed and laid him out on top, then hurried over to GIR, who was still at the doorway struggling with the Tupperware.  
  
Dib opened his eyes against the fabric of Zim's shirt and tried to see through it. Dark pink enveloped his vision and stung his eyes with fuzz. He closed his eyes and hugged himself, feeling the chilly night air that blew from his open window against his bumpy flesh.  
  
Zim placed the container of warm gravy on the nightstand and put the handcuffs beside it. He looked over at Dib's vampire-like pose on the bed and eyed the window. He reached up and closed it with little effort, wondering why the cold didn't seem to effect him as much as it did his enemy.  
  
... Enemy? Zim wondered if he could even consider Dib his enemy now. If not, then what would he call him? Friend? Lover? Trick?  
  
WAS he just doing this for fun? Was this just a game to him? Did the separation of himself from his race make him desperate for emotional and sexual stimulation?  
  
Or did it run deeper than that? Did the Irken really have feelings for Dib?  
  
Zim bit his lip and tried to push his thoughts aside. He wasn't going to let anything get between him and Dib this time. All he knew was that he wanted Dib in more ways than one, and according to him, that's all he needed to know right then.  
  
Zim climbed up the little ladder-like structure at the foot of Dib's bed and crawled over his body. When he got to the point where he was looking down at Dib's blindfolded face, he leaned down and pried Dib's lips apart with his slick tongue. Dib opened his mouth and warmly invited him inside. He slid his tongue against and around Zim's, lapping at the inside of his mouth hungrily.  
  
Zim pulled away, almost abruptly. He saw the frown on Dib's moist lips and licked them teasingly. Dib reached up and rested his arms around Zim's shoulders, pulling him back down. He leaned up and pressed his lips to Zim's again, nipping and licking at his tongue.  
  
Zim didn't respond right away, having to give his mouth a chance to recover from the slight surprise at Dib's confidence. He then mimicked Dib's movements with his own, sharing his enthusiasm.  
  
Dib involuntarily wrapped his leg up and around Zim's. He moaned and tried to pull Zim's whole body down against his, desiring his touch, wanting his scent to completely surround him. But Zim resisted and pushed away, standing falteringly on his knees. He had something else in mind.  
  
Dib heard his belt buckle jingle and felt his pants loosen around his waist. Every muscle in his body tightened on impulse. He desperately searched for something to say, something to do... something to stop Zim, but found that his mind and limbs were frozen with anxiety. He felt his pants and boxers being dragged down his thighs. Dib gasped, not sure if it was from the coldness of the air or the feeling of his genitals being exposed.  
  
Zim stared at Dib's hardening manhood (childhood? Heh heh) and resisted the urge to just take him right then and there. He wanted to tease. Zim tugged Dib's leather boots off and tossed them to the floor, then did the same with his pants. He glanced at Dib's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle decorated boxers before discarding them as well.  
  
GIR watched from the doorway, but his poor attention span was causing his eyes to wander. Soon his interest was completely diverted from Zim and Dib. He busily played with the doorstop that screwed into the wall, amused by the loud sproingy noise it made.  
  
Zim looked at Dib's naked body before him and felt himself become aroused. He sat between Dib's knees and pulled off his own boots, then did the same with his pants. He tossed them to the floor and ran the tips of his claws up and down Dib's thighs.  
  
Dib hissed through his teeth and sat up. "Zim..."  
  
Zim pressed a claw to his lips, silencing him. "Quiet."  
  
Dib opened his mouth and sucked on Zim's finger as if he were apologizing for trying to make conversation. Zim smoothed his thumb over the side of Dib's mouth and used his free hand to push him back down against the mattress. He crawled over Dib and sat down on his chest, feeling it move up and down unsteadily with his breathing. Zim reached for one of the fuzzy red handcuffs on the table beside Dib's bed.  
  
Dib felt Zim pull his claw away from his mouth and licked the salt that it left off his lips.  
  
Zim closed one cuff around the bedpost, then yanked Dib's hand above his head and closed the other around his skinny wrist. He did the same with the opposite bedpost and Dib's other hand.  
  
Dib felt the soft fuzz around his wrist and tried to pull his hands back to his body. He whimpered and started to kick a bit. "Zim, Zim, no, please, don't, I can't handle it, please, Gaz will hear, she'll hear Zim, she will..."  
  
Zim stared down at the pale body that writhed below his, intrigued by Dib's reaction. He never knew that a human's nervous system could be so sensitive. Trying to comfort Dib, he rubbed his knuckles against his cheek. "Shh... I'm not going to hurt you, Dib..."  
  
Hearing Zim's soft voice in the darkness, Dib stopped begging and ceased his attempts to break free. "Zim... Gaz will hear though..."  
  
Zim leaned down and kissed Dib's nose softly. "She won't if there's nothing FOR her to hear."  
  
"But Zim, I don't think I could..." He trailed off.  
  
Zim smiled a bit. "Just try..." He sat up and scooted down so that he was squatting over Dib's knees, then laid between them on his belly. He trailed his claw over Dib's erect shaft while cupping his chin in his other hand.  
  
Dib bit his lip and lifted his knees involuntarily with Zim's slight touch. Zim eyed the legs that rose beside his face, then looked under them at his robot, who was still playing with the doorstop. "GIR, you wouldn't happen to have any rope, now, would you?"  
  
GIR looked over at his master like nothing was happening. "Nope, Pig needed it today!"  
  
Zim raised a brow, then looked up at Dib.  
  
"We... there's probably some in my dad's lab but I don't think... well... you shouldn't let GIR down there..." Dib's sentence was interrupted with sharp breaths for air.  
  
Zim didn't really want to get Dib in trouble at the moment, so he crawled down from the bed and reluctantly pulled up his pants. "In the basement?"  
  
Dib nodded his head in Zim's direction. "Yeah... try the cabinet drawers... he... there should be some in there..."  
  
Zim walked past GIR, who waved at his master's bootless foot. "BYE-BYE LEG!"  
  
"GIR, I'll be right back. Don't you DARE touch Dib."  
  
GIR looked at the body that helplessly lay on the bed. "Aww, Pig is gonna miss me..."  
  
Zim kicked his robot upside the head. "I'm serious GIR. Don't. Touch."  
  
GIR looked up at his master and nodded vacantly.  
  
"Good." With that, Zim walked out the door and made his way down the hall. But before he could get down the stairs, he heard a voice call after him.  
  
"Zim? What are YOU doing here?"  
  
Zim froze. He turned around slowly so that his eyes could confirm who he thought was standing there.  
  
Gaz crossed her arms and glared at the green boy standing before her. "Well?"  
  
  
  
*Snickers* What's Zim gonna do?!  
  
Say that he's finally caught her brother and is going to bring him back to his base...  
  
Say that it's none of her business and act just as cocky and mysterious as her...  
  
Make a run for it and climb up through Dib's window from outside once he's sure Gaz isn't around...  
  
Choose wisely! Either way, Zim and Dib are gonna be able to finish what they started!  
  
This fic is taking me longer and longer to write with each chapter... would you believe that it took me about 7 hours to finish this? Just this one chapter! It's mostly because I'm constantly distracted with food, drinks, potty breaks, music, TV... things like that. But damn, it's still a long time! Ya know what though? I love every minute of it! I'm on independent study so I have plenty of time to just sit here and let my imagination run wild!  
  
... That sounds so cliché, huh.  
  
Cliché, but true!  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


	7. I Think I Might Like You, Horrible Human

I think this chapter is more cute than... uh... turn on-able, but I hope you guys enjoy it! Be patient with me, I'm writing a story, not a ZADR-sex- pamphlet!  
  
... *Laughs at herself* Sex pamphlet. Heh. I amuse myself.  
  
Damn, 65 reviews! That's gotta say something about muh skillz. Oh yea. I'm an unstoppable death-machine, ya know. And not one flame! I can't thank you guys enough. I got some of the best fanfiction writers I've seen saying that I'm good and, to be honest, I'm lovin' it! My ego is so taco- filled that I think I should move on to taquitos before I go on one of Zim's three-hour bathroom breaks. Heh. "But it was corn and mayonnaise day!" Dib is so cute! So honest and cute. I love corn and mayonnaise though! The corn guy always comes by and sells it. Yup. That's the advantage of living in the ghetto. *Thumbs up* Woo hoo! Ooooo and those nummy cartwheel-shaped chip-things that have hot sauce and lemons. I don't know what they're called. I'm just a poor cracker. Heh. Cracker. I like cheese and crackers. And animal crackers. Though they should be called cookies.  
  
  
  
Zim gasped and stared at Gaz. She was wearing light purple pajamas with little rainbows and clouds scattered across the fuzzy fabric; definitely not something Zim expected Dib's deadly sibling to be wearing, even if it was only for bed.  
  
Gaz raised an irritated brow. "You woke me up. You and Dib. What are you guys doing, anyway?"  
  
Zim bit his bottom lip nervously, trying to think up a good excuse. "Y-you wouldn't understand!"  
  
Gaz smirked. "Try me."  
  
"Why should I?"  
  
"Because I'll tell everyone at skool that you and Dib were doing less-than- holy things in his bedroom on Monday."  
  
Zim turned a shade lighter. "You wouldn't!"  
  
"Don't underestimate me, stupid green boy."  
  
"Well... you can go ahead and tell everyone that! Because what I am doing with your disgusting sibling is one hundred times worse than what you're referring to, dirty-minded worm-baby!"  
  
Gaz rolled her eyes. "Sure, Zim."  
  
"I am taking the Dib-human over to my base! And I'm going to perform EVIL experiments on his slimy, stinky, PUtrid body! And there is NOTHING you can do to stop ME, the mighty ZIM!"  
  
Gaz cocked her head to one side. "Like I'd want to. But if that's what you're REALLY doing, then why are you wearing no shirt, and no boots?"  
  
Zim's face went blank.  
  
Gaz smiled smugly. "See? I bet you and Dib are being naughty. Why don't we check?" She turned and walked toward Dib's open door.  
  
"WAIT!"  
  
Gaz turned around to face Zim. "What? Afraid of what I'll see?"  
  
Zim jumped in front of Gaz and put his hands on his hips. "I'm not wearing my shirt or boots because your revolting excuse for a sibling put up a surprisingly good fight, and managed to de-clothe me!"  
  
Gaz blinked and frowned.  
  
Zim scoffed. "How's that?"  
  
"I still say you're lying. But whatever. Tell Dib that he owes me for trying to make sense of you." And with that said, Gaz disappeared into her room and slammed the door.  
  
Zim sighed and ran the back of his claw across his forehead like there was any sweat to wipe from there in the first place. He ran back into Dib's bedroom and shut the door.  
  
Dib's face, or what could be seen of it from behind the thick blindfold of Zim's fuchsia colored shirt, was screwed up in fear. He had heard the whole conversation. "Zim, just let me go! I think she knows!"  
  
"NONsense! Didn't you hear how cleverly I defended you?" Zim jumped on top of Dib's naked body and rubbed his chest. "She has no idea!"  
  
"ZIM! I KNOW what I'm talking about! Let me free! It's too risky, she might come in here!" Dib squirmed from underneath Zim's warm body. "Please..."  
  
Zim thought about what he said, and if he were in a cartoon, a little light bulb would've beamed above his head. "You're right, Dib-worm... so I'll just have to relocate ourselves..."  
  
Dib took a deep breath. The idea of being able to continue what Zim had started appealed to him greatly... if they went to Zim's house he'd be able to be as loud as he needed to be... and there wouldn't be any disturbances... but he was so scared about the future. Dib had never really been the one to think ahead; that was Zim's way of going about things. But for some reason, he couldn't help but to wonder about how this would change things between him and his supposed enemy. Dib wasn't gay, and wasn't about to be, not even for Zim's sake.  
  
So why was he letting the little alien do this?  
  
'Well... this is just experimenting. Yeah. That's it. It means nothing.'  
  
Once Dib came to that conclusion, he felt slightly at ease.  
  
Zim fingered Dib's bellybutton, strangely fascinated. His thoughts were far from similar to Dib's. 'What on earth is this for? I see no significance of having another hole... ooh! It's not a hole! It just goes in a bit! How... cute!'  
  
Dib laughed. "What are you doing?"  
  
Zim blushed sheepishly. "Uh... GIR! Give me the keys to the handcuffs!"  
  
GIR obeyed, pulling a small keyring from inside his mouth. "Aww, just when they were beginning to taste like taquitos..."  
  
Zim took the keys from the insane robot and unlocked the cuffs from Dib's wrists and the bedposts. Dib sat up and gratefully rubbed his hands together. But before he could ask Zim if he could take the blindfold off, he felt his bed-sheets beings draped around him. "Hey! Zim, what are you doing?"  
  
"I'm relocating!" Zim tied the corners of the sheet and threw Dib over his shoulder. "C'mon GIR, let's get out of here before his frightening sister discovers us."  
  
GIR shook his finger at Zim. "You should repeeeeeent..."  
  
Zim quirked a brow questioningly. "Just c'mon."  
  
"But I'm not done!" GIR ran through the door (literally) and zoomed downstairs.  
  
Zim squinted in frustration and picked up the Tupperware of gravy. The keys and cuffs were in the tangled mess of sheets with Dib. Zim activated his spidery-leggy-extensiony-thingys and crawled out the window, not giving GIR or the rest of his clothes a second thought. He was far too excited to care about his things at that very moment.  
  
Gaz had loaded her camera and was ready to catch Zim and Dib in the act. She walked out of her room and down the hall. She opened Dib's door, appearing not to care about the hole in the wood. "AH-HAH!" With an unusual burst of vigor, she brought the camera up to her face quickly and snapped a photo of the scene.  
  
There was nothing there.  
  
Gaz grumbled and threw the camera at Dib's computer in the corner of the room. "I'll get you two yet..." She slammed the door shut and headed downstairs, needing some pizza and a quick game of Vampire Piggy Hunter to calm her nerves.  
  
Zim opened the door and carefully dragged the squirming body behind him. The legless neighbor from across the street gave him an odd glare from inside his house, but continued sipping on his can of Salty Lemonade and watched an infomercial on removing unwanted earlobe hair (ooh!).  
  
Zim locked the door behind him and lightly tossed Dib into the comfortable armchair in the corner of the living room. A muffled grunt was heard from the bundle. Zim put the gravy down on the table beside the armchair and quickly undid the knots in the sheet. Dib crawled out blindly. "Zim...?"  
  
Zim smiled at the sight. 'He looks so helpless and innocent...' Thinking such tender thoughts made Zim blush, but he didn't care. He was pretty sure anything that happened between him and Dib wouldn't leave the safety of the walls that encased them both and their devilish unspoken ideas... Dignity wouldn't let it.  
  
For a moment, Zim pushed Dignity aside and tickled Dib's feet. "I... I think I might... like you, horrible human..."  
  
Dib blushed and giggled a bit, tucking his feet underneath him. Not knowing how to respond, he reached out for Zim's face, trying to welcome him to another kiss.  
  
But Zim was way ahead of him. He leaned forward and lightly massaged his parted lips against Dib's. Dib reacted instantly and let his tongue dance with the alien's. He thought about how nice it was... even though he had nothing to compare Zim's kiss to, considering the fact that Zim was his first... in fact, Dib had a lot of firsts with Zim... first living thing he obsessed over, first person he punched, first person to see him naked other than a family member, first person to touch him in places that he shouldn't be touched... and first kiss.  
  
'That's... scary...' Dib whimpered and pushed Zim away, disturbed by all the 'firsts' he shared with the Irken.  
  
Zim looked hurt. He stared at the boy in front of him and realized how cold he was. Goose bumps covered almost every inch of his pale body, and he could hear the faint sound of teeth chattering from inside Dib's mouth. "Computer! Set the indoor temperature to... let's say, 75( Fahrenheit."  
  
"Is your whole house run by a computer?" Dib rested back against the softness of the chair.  
  
"Of course! Why hasn't your race done anything like that to your homes?"  
  
Dib frowned. Zim made it sound like you couldn't call a house a home unless it was one giant computer. "I'm sure they've come up with stuff like it, but that lowers the 'quality of living'. Besides, it'd be too expensive."  
  
"Quality of living? Computers increase the quality of living!" Zim lilted his head to one side, confused by human logic.  
  
Dib sighed and scratched his elbow. "Well, I guess the general population doesn't think so. Humans already rely on technology too much and don't stop to enjoy things that they should. Increasing the use of computers would just make everyone more hectic and selfish and... well, fat."  
  
Zim raised an invisible brow. "And how do you figure that, stink-beast?"  
  
"Because I already rely on technology for a lot of things. My whole family does. And that's what drove us apart... well, one thing, anyways..."  
  
Zim's lower eyelids rose in interest. "What's the other thing? ... How come?"  
  
Dib shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it."  
  
Zim looked down. Somewhat understanding, he sat next to Dib and curled up beside him. He removed Dib's blindfold, feeling that he could stand to look into his eyes.  
  
It took awhile for Dib's vision to adjust to the darkness of Zim's living room. As soon it did, he was grateful for the lack of light. Now Zim wouldn't be able to see his red cheeks.  
  
But Zim could see just fine in the shadowy setting. His eyes were made to see in such conditions. He smirked at the look on Dib's face and traced his bellybutton with his claw. "What is this?"  
  
Dib looked down and saw the faint image of Zim's green flesh against his. He smiled. Their skin looked so beautiful together. Dib hoped he wasn't the only one to think so. "It's my bellybutton, Zim..."  
  
"What does it do? What's it for?" The curiosity in Zim's voice made Dib laugh. Zim pulled away, embarrassed. He felt like he should know.  
  
But Dib wrapped his arm behind Zim and pulled him close again. "It doesn't do anything. It was where I was connected to my mother when I was inside of her as a baby."  
  
Zim remembered that humans weren't laid as eggs like his own species. "Oh... I see..."  
  
Dib laughed again. Zim felt Dib's body rattle with the chuckle, and he found himself laughing as well. It was so strange. He was actually having a conversation with Dib. And they were getting along so well. Zim pushed the handcuffs and keyring off the chair and sucked on Dib's neck. He had a feeling he wouldn't be needing them anymore.  
  
Dib laid sideways in the rather large chair and pulled Zim with him. Zim fell into his arms willingly and slumped off to the side a bit. He reached over for the gravy, glad to feel that it was still warm.  
  
Dib saw the plastic container in Zim's claw and grew tense. "What is that?"  
  
Zim didn't answer as he opened it and placed it on Dib's lower belly. "Hold still, or it'll spill."  
  
Dib started to grow hard again, anticipating what was going to happen next. "Okay, but what is it?"  
  
"Just hold still..." Zim dipped his claws into the slimy substance and let them hover over Dib's chest. The gravy dripped on his flesh and Dib shivered with pleasure from the slight wetness.  
  
Zim smiled, satisfied. He did the same thing to Dib's thighs, shoulders and neck, watching the pool of gravy that rested unsteadily on Dib's stomach ripple with his movements.  
  
Zim immersed his claw in the brown puddle and slid his greasy claw over Dib's collarbone. Dib pressed his head back into the cushion, finding it somewhat enjoyable. "Zim..."  
  
His ruby eyes twinkled. Zim picked up the Tupperware of gravy and poured the rest of it over Dib's body slowly, not giving a shit about the upholstery.  
  
Dib moaned and trembled, clinging to Zim's shoulders.  
  
Zim started to noisily take off his pants. Once he was done, he threw them to the ground and wrapped his claw around Dib's hard, gravy-drenched member.  
  
Dib gasped and held Zim close, never taking his eyes off of Zim's motionless claw.  
  
Zim held Dib's cock for a few seconds, building up the suspense for Dib. Then he began working at the shaft, stroking steadily.  
  
Dib hissed and closed his eyes. He knew it wouldn't take much for Zim to finish.  
  
  
  
Don't worry, I'm gonna continue the... uh... rubbing of... Dib... but tell me what you want to see happen in the next chapter...  
  
Dib's gonna wake up next to Zim in the middle of the night and creep home, with the sheet wrapped around him...  
  
Gaz is gonna find GIR reading the rest of Dib's Bible and get him to tell what exactly is going on between Dib and Zim...  
  
Zim and Dib are gonna have hot n' sweaty anal sex! Woo! *LOL* I can't even picture myself writing about something like that happening... the whole jacking off thing is already too much... but if that's what you want, I'll make it especially hot n' sweaty! =]  
  
Ya know what? I just might get the next chapter up by tonight if I don't feel like going to bed any time soon! So keep checking back!  
  
Hot n' sweat anal sex... oh man...  
  
GIR: You should repeeeeeent...  
  
I know... *Feels bad and looks down*  
  
GIR: There, there. Santa forgives.  
  
... Huh?  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


	8. Spring Flower Scented AJAX Dishwashing S...

Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up! I had a bad case of writer's block for a short while there! But I'm happy to say that with the help of some prayer I got a good idea and gave this story a sharp little twist!  
  
You know what I just noticed? Zim's left-handed!  
  
And you guys are sick bastards! Lookie at the results from last chapter's reviews!  
  
Dib creeps home in sheet: 3 GIR tells Gaz all about Zim and Dib: 2 Hot n' sweaty anal sex: ... 10!  
  
NASTY PEOPLES! Nasty nasty... spoot on you... for shame...  
  
... (Not mentioning the fact that I've spent that last few nights thinking about Zim and Dib having sex before I fall asleep)...  
  
Cyberpup82: Awww! Hehe thank you... *Hands some of my writing skills to you*  
  
Big big thanks to the rest of my reviewers! *Gives out Invader Zim cell phone covers*  
  
  
  
Due to the fact that Zim's Irken ability to see in the dark was similar to using night vision goggles, Dib's face appeared to have a rosy glow. Zim gazed at him as he expertly expressed his love for the human through his hand. Dib squirmed and dug his nails into the gravy-smeared sheet beneath him, trying to keep his moans of pleasure to a minimum. "Ohh... Oh Zim..."  
  
Zim tightened his grip on Dib's cock and made each stroke a little faster and rougher. Dib trembled with Zim's intimate touch and struggled to control his breathing. He felt himself growing close to orgasm and let out a low groan. "Oh I'm gonna... gonna... Zim, keep going..."  
  
But Zim had something else in mind. After Dib's generous warning, Zim abruptly ceased his rubbing and squeezed the head of Dib's shaft. Dib yelped with dismay and shuddered, his body begging for continuation. "ZIM! What're you doing?!"  
  
Zim's pleading eyes burned into Dib's. "Let me... let me..." He trailed off, feeling uneasy about putting the question into words, and forced his hand underneath, slipping a claw inside of Dib. Dib's eyes widened and he shook his head.  
  
"Please..." Zim nuzzled under Dib's chin and crawled on top of him, sliding against Dib's gravy-daubed body. "I'll be gentle..."  
  
Dib looked away and bit his lip. It wasn't something he looked forward to doing, but he wanted to delight Zim, and he felt like he owed him, even though Zim never finished... Dib nodded hesitantly.  
  
Zim felt Dib's reply from against his neck and sucked on his smooth skin as he eased his claw out, only to replace it with his thick, impatient member. Dib howled, not at all prepared for the pain it caused. Zim quickly reached down and wrapped his claw around Dib's cock again, this time rubbing a lot softer and slower. Dib silenced his outcry and uttered a blissful sigh.  
  
When he felt that Dib's innocence had gotten semi-used to its violation, Zim drove further inside. The sensation it gave him was enough to bring on ejaculation, but Zim controlled what boiled inside and gazed down at Dib.  
  
Dib wailed and clung to Zim's raw shoulders, the pleasure he received not blacking out the pain. Zim continued fondle Dib in his claw delicately as he urged his tool deeper inside of Dib, who mewled in discomfort. Zim gave him a sympathetic look and kissed him soothingly. He wanted this to be good for the both of them, but Dib wasn't giving it a chance.  
  
Zim thrust himself in as far as he could go, ignoring Dib's writhing. He pulled out and pushed back in, then proceeded to do this steadily. Dib showed his dissent by cringing and grunting, but soon found himself actually enjoying Zim's movements. A short indescribable sound of ecstasy escaped his lips.  
  
Zim smiled, satisfied that Dib was able to share his rapture. He pumped a little harder, doing the same with his hand and Dib's member. Dib wrapped his arms around Zim and assisted with the pushing and pulling, pressing his fingertips into his shoulder blades. Zim groaned and hissed with pleasure, never keeping his eyes off Dib. The expression on the young human's face changed constantly; fear, joy, pain, excitement, uncertainty, embarrassment, hope, love... Zim treasured every aspect. He leaned down and pressed his lips to Dib's hungrily, and Dib responded with the same desire, both of them pausing every so-often to catch their breath.  
  
Zim broke off suddenly and buried his face into Dib's chest, which was slick with sweat and gravy. He started to shake uncontrollably, but kept pushing in and out. Zim stopped massaging Dib's cock, finding it too hard to be involved with both activities at his highest point. But it didn't matter, because Dib found Zim's struggled thrusts just as pleasing. He stared up at Zim and for a moment considered him to be more than just a paranoid alien who had come to conquer earth. A lot more.  
  
Zim gasped and let out a short scream as he came inside of Dib. Dib felt Zim's warmth flow inside him and shivered as this brought on spasms of pleasure that he didn't think possible. Dib squeezed Zim in his arms as every muscle in his body contracted, preparing for orgasm. He moaned loudly and released the passion that had built up inside him since he saw Zim at his door earlier that evening.  
  
Zim sighed with gratification when he felt with sticky substance between him and Dib. He rested in Dib's securing arms, feeling the heartbeat of the overwhelmed body beneath him slow to normal. Dib kissed Zim's shoulder and murmured softly "I... I think I might... like you too, stupid alien..."  
  
Zim chuckled gently and ran his claws up and down Dib's sides until he heard light snoring coming from Dib's nose. Then he eased himself out of Dib and curled up beside him, resting an arm and a leg over Dib's body. He glanced up at the clock. 10:13. Zim yawned, exhausted. He closed his eyes, images of today's events projecting against the back of his eyelids, and was soon breathing heavily in sync with Dib.  
  
Gaz looked down at the little robot beside her and took another bite of pizza.  
  
"... Then they pasted him to sticks shaped like a plus sign and he died so they took him down and locked him in a house and three days later he turned into a zombie!"  
  
"... That story was very nice. Now, what happened between Dib and Zim?" Gaz eagerly tried to get a juicy answer out of GIR.  
  
GIR tilted his head to one side. "Uh... forty-two?"  
  
Gaz's eyes lit up with surprise and disgust. "You mean 69?"  
  
GIR stared up at Gaz vacantly and took a Pelon Pelo Rico... chili... candy... thingy... out of his head and sucked on it. Gaz growled and finished her pizza, not having the heart to force a reasonable answer out of the little guy. She stood up and carried her Game Slave 2 to her room, defeated. It was late and she had managed to unlock 29 ultra-secret super- bonus levels of VPH that night. She disappeared behind her closed door. GIR decided he needed some sleep too, so he hopped off the couch and went out the front door, not bothering to close it behind him.  
  
As he walked cheerfully down the street, a group of teenagers pulled up beside him in a neon pink Ford Focus. GIR stopped and looked up expectantly. The window rolled down and a girl stuck her head out. "Hey! 'Sup dawg!"  
  
GIR looked confused. He wasn't wearing his dog suit.  
  
"You look like you holdin' it down, G! Wanna come ride wif us? We goin' down to the Krazy Taco and then we hittin' the clubs!"  
  
GIR smiled brightly. He loved tacos and he loved dancing. He didn't care about the fact that he wasn't in disguise, and the people in the car were nice. "Okie dokie!"  
  
The girl laughed and opened the door for GIR. "Well then, c'mon coz, we ain't got all night!"  
  
GIR jumped into the girl's lap. The rest of the car's inhabitants laughed and gave GIR props and hugs. Then the girl shut the door and the Focus sped off downtown, bumping to Poop Dogg's Poop Cola Candy promotional single.  
  
At around four in the morning, Dib's eyes shot open with the sound of a door slamming. His first impulse was to push away the slimy body that was on top of him, but it only took him seconds to realize who that slimy body belonged to and why it was there. Dib sighed with relief and turned to face the source of the bang he heard.  
  
GIR wobbled through the living room, carrying a Chocolate Bubble Gum Brain Freezey and wearing a Krazy Taco hat. He was splattered with the liquid that made glow sticks do what they do best for about 24 hours. About 11 glow sticks dangled from his neck and wrists, and it looked like only 6 of them were still intact. Dib stared at the blurry glowing robot as he casually turned on the TV and sat down in front of it.  
  
The pale light that bounced off the TV's surroundings didn't seem to make a difference to Zim's sleeping pattern. He simply turned his head to face the back of the armchair and resumed his soft snoring.  
  
Dib sniffed the air and gagged. The glow stick liquid must have given off a disgusting rotten egg-like smell. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the stench and the noise from the TV, but found that he was incapable of sleeping with such distractions. In no position to get up and soak GIR in a tub of Spring Flower scented AJAX dishwashing soap, Dib tried to get the robot's attention by whispering loudly. "Hey, you!"  
  
GIR surprisingly turned around with the coaxing of Dib's voice. "Hi boyfriend-of-my-master!"  
  
Dib blushed and urgently whispered some more. "I'm not your master's boyfriend! Now go clean yourself up, you smell like my dad's coat after he invented cream of mushroom flavored toast."  
  
GIR jumped up and put on a light show with his glow sticks, humming to some techno.  
  
Dib sighed and squirmed out from underneath Zim, who rolled to the side and curled up into a little ball in the corner of the armchair. Dib pulled the dirty sheet out from under Zim and wrapped it around himself. He cringed when he felt the sticky sheet cling to his thighs and decided it was best that he didn't know what soiled it. He grabbed GIR by the hand and dragged him into the kitchen in search of a source of water.  
  
"I like shroomie toast."  
  
Dib rolled his eyes and stopped in the middle of the room, looking around. "Where's the kitchen sink?"  
  
"Why's everyone asking me questions tonight?" GIR pouted and sucked on the end of one of his glow sticks. "It hurts..."  
  
Dib slapped his head, his brain finally registering that Zim wouldn't have something that involved H2O in his house. He was about to lead GIR out into the neighboring yard so he could spray him with a garden hose, but the toilet at the far end of the kitchen caught his eye. He gazed at it for a while, trying to hold back the urge to go down and check out Zim's base.  
  
... But Dib was never really good at resisting urges. He let go of GIR's hand and started walking toward the toilet bowl, interested in the technology Zim always bragged about.  
  
GIR squealed, not wanting to be left out. He followed the human down through the tube that lead to Zim's main lab.  
  
Zim's antennae moved in suspicion, waking him up from an otherwise peaceful slumber. He opened his eyes, startled to find that Dib was no longer with him. Then he saw that the TV was on. Zim's puzzled mind wandered through many different scenarios; some suggesting that Dib had gone home wrapped up in the sheet. Zim laughed to himself as an image of Dib running through the street half-naked appeared in his mind. He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep, but a loud crash thundered from down below. Zim jumped out of the warm cushion of the armchair and pulled up his pants, suddenly very angry with an unknown person for an unknown reason.  
  
"Oopsie!"  
  
Dib pulled his hands away from his ears and opened his eyes, gawking at the blurry image of a large piece of machinery that had been knocked over by GIR's innocent play at the control panel. "AGH! There's no WAY Zim could've slept through that! You stupid robot, he's gonna kill us!"  
  
GIR cheered enthusiastically.  
  
"DIB-HUMAN?!"  
  
Dib cringed and turned to face a fuzzy green figure. He didn't need the aid of his glasses to see that Zim was pissed off and surprised as well as genuinely hurt. "Zim, it's not what you think..."  
  
Zim walked toward Dib from the elevator and snarled. "That's all you had in mind the whole time, wasn't it? Penetrating my weakness so you could get into my lab."  
  
Dib shook his head. "No! That was the last thing on my mind, I was just curio -"  
  
"I didn't know that you could stoop so low, stinking worm-baby, as to put up and act like that just so you could get your crummy hands on my plans to destroy this useless planet." Zim took a few steps closer to Dib.  
  
Dib hurried to defend himself. "It wasn't an act and you know it."  
  
Zim stopped, the anger in his eyes leaving for just a moment. Dib's body relaxed a bit and he continued. "I wouldn't do that to you, not now..."  
  
But Zim didn't buy it. "Get out."  
  
Dib choked. "What?"  
  
"GET OUT." Zim turned and pointed to the elevator, never taking his eyes off of the appalled human.  
  
"But Ziiiiiiiiiiim..." GIR whined from across the room. "It was meeeeeeee..."  
  
Zim glared at the robot from the corner of his eye. "I'll deal with you later, GIR."  
  
Dib just stood there.  
  
Zim's icy glower returned to him once again. "DID YOU NOT HEAR ME, HUMAN- STINK?! I SAID, GET OUT!"  
  
He leaned forward and snagged Dib by the wrist and spun him around so that he was closer to the elevator entrance. Then Zim pushed him into the closed door with a loud smack. The elevator opened presently, letting Dib fall inside before closing and heading up toward the house.  
  
Zim turned to his companion. "GIR..." He was so angry he couldn't think straight. "... J-just forget it!" He squeaked his attempted punishment and waited for the elevator to come back.  
  
Dib crawled out of the toilet, his vision blurred even more with tears. He had a natural unwanted ability to over-dramatize everything that happened in his life. Dib acted before that gentle voice inside his head could reassure him that things would get better by tomorrow. He looked at everything as something that could only get worse.  
  
He near-blindly stumbled out into the living room and fell to the ground. Something had snagged the sheet that was securely wrapped around his waist. He turned and saw Zim's familiar figure towering over him.  
  
Seeing Dib sprawled out on the floor with those big honey-colored eyes filled with tears had no effect on Zim's hardening heart. He kicked the human, hard, between his legs. Dib let out a tortured scream but had no time to curl in pain; Zim picked him up so that he could get a good look at Dib's face. Tears streaked down his cheeks and his mouth was puckered in anguish. Zim's menacing glare softened. 'Why did he have to go and do that...'  
  
Zim carried Dib's weak body out the door and gently laid him down on the doorstep. He walked back into the house and locked the door behind him, hoping Dib wouldn't tempt him to open it by knocking. Zim leaned against the door and slumped to the floor, staring at the tiles below him, ignoring the tears that sprang to his eyes. Thunder cracked in the distance and Zim cringed, hoping that Dib would hurry home.  
  
  
  
Whoa, no one expected that, I bet! Sniff sniff... well, what happens now?  
  
Dib goes home and is confronted by a suspicious Gaz, who questions him about what's going on and threatens to tell everyone at skool...  
  
Dib wanders off and finds himself thinking about committing suicide with the help of an oncoming train, but is saved by Zim, who got worried and went looking for him...  
  
Dib tries to convince Zim by talking through the door that he meant no harm and begs to be let back inside...  
  
Review and tell me what you want and how you like the story so far!  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


	9. I Can't Believe I'm Letting This Creatur...

Wow, this chapter is long! Well, longer than the others! I know that Dib and Zim are both VERY out of character at this point, but depression, love, and pity can do that to a person. Just try and put yourself in each characters shoes. I'm not sure you'd find yourself acting the same way, but have compassion, because I know I'D find myself acting the same way!  
  
I HAD A DREAM ABOUT ZIM! AND CHIBI TALLEST RED! *LOL* I loved it so much! I sleep with a plushie of Zim above my head so when I woke up from my dream at 5:00 in the morning, Zim had fallen down and was right next to my face. Heh heh I'm such a nerd. It was cute though!  
  
Thank you sooooooooooooooooooooooo much for all the reviews. I know I say that every chapter but with every chapter I grow more thankful! You guys all kick anus!  
  
If you can't figure out who the man GIR and Nny call "Daddy" is, I feel sorry for you...  
  
  
  
Dib stared at one of Zim's lawn gnomes in disbelief. Everything seemed to swirl around him as his mind tried its best to piece together scattered fragments of comprehension that prevented him from understanding what happened. His balls still hurt; badly. He rubbed them from over the thin sheet subconsciously, not even thinking about the warning of rain that thundered overhead. Dib leaned back against the warm door and could've sworn that he felt Zim's presence radiating from behind. He closed his eyes and hiccuped from holding back tears and wondered what he should do.  
  
Zim sighed and stood up falteringly. GIR came from the kitchen, tripping over Dib's shirt again. He knew that he had messed up a lot more than just his master's lab.  
  
"You dun love Dib no mo'?"  
  
Zim flinched. "I... no. No. I don't."  
  
Little GIR looked down, feeling his master's distress.  
  
Outside, Dib ran his fingertips down the front door, desperate for the warmth that had suddenly left the surface. Disappointed, he stood up and made his way home, not giving a shit about the world and it thought about a half-naked, crazed boy walking down the street at an ungodly hour of the night.  
  
'It's all my fault, I shouldn't have gone down into his lab... I deserve this...'  
  
Dib stared down at his blurry toes as they slowly came and went against the clammy cement beneath him. He could smell the sour aroma of rain in the distance and feel the moisture in the ominous air. Poor Dib didn't know what to think. His mind was cluttered with abstract ideas and permanent solutions to a problem he couldn't even identity. All he could think of was how stupid he was, how much he regretted ever kissing the alien. The mess that Dib was in now could've been prevented, but noooo, he had to let his lips exploooore. NOW what was he going to work for? He had started to think that the world wasn't even worth saving. The whole recognition thing didn't even appeal to Dib much anymore. He almost wished that Zim would take over Earth. That would certainly solve things. And then it wouldn't be considered suicide, so...  
  
Zim stared up at the clock. Not much time had passed. He let his weary eyes fall on his SIR, who was fast asleep in the armchair.  
  
The armchair. Zim blushed brightly and looked back down at the floor.  
  
'I shouldn't have been so hard on him... I mean, what if he really wasn't trying to find out something he could use against me?'  
  
The thought didn't seem very convincing to Zim at the time, but he figured he should at least go check up on the human. He stood up from his spot on the couch and opened the door slowly.  
  
Dib was gone.  
  
Zim's eyes went wide. He hadn't expected the worm-baby to actually leave... he stepped outside and looked around a bit.  
  
Dib was no where to be found.  
  
Zim hesitated, then went back inside the house. He walked to the armchair and nudged GIR awake. The robot looked up at his master expectantly.  
  
"GIR, why was he down in the base with you?"  
  
GIR rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up. "Who?"  
  
Zim grabbed his companion by the shoulders and shook him. "ARGH, don't you DARE act stupid, not now. You know damn well who I'm talking about. Why was he down there with you?"  
  
The SIR's eyes filled with tears from being at the root of his master's anger. "He said he thought it was cooooool."  
  
Zim raised a brow. "That's... why? ... Did he say anything else?"  
  
"He said 'No no don't touch that! I don't want to get blamed for something you do, crazy robot. I'm just here to look around.'" GIR smiled. He was proud of himself for remembering all that.  
  
Zim paled, slowly realizing that Dib's intentions were innocent. He slapped himself upside the head and growled. "UGH! How could I have been so STUPID?! Being around all these stink-beasts must be getting to me, I can't believe this..." He turned and ran out the door. GIR stared blankly, then fell back asleep.  
  
"Ow!"  
  
Dib stumbled and leaned against the side of a building for support. He raised his foot and brushed the bottom of it, letting loose the sharp pebble that was stuck there. He looked up. His heart skipped a beat when he realized where he was.  
  
"The old train station..." Dib stepped underneath the porch and stared at the tracks before him. The building was closed down a long time ago, but the railway was still in use. He thought about the possibilities and gave an apathetic shrug. "What the hell, not like I've got anything to live for now."  
  
Zim pounded down the street, his eyes grazing every front yard, every ally, every office building he came across for Dib. He knew that the first place he looked should've been Dib's house, but he was too worried to act rationally. Large droplets of water had already started to fall. Zim winced and abruptly stepped under the slim protection of a tree, massaging the areas of tender flesh where the rain had hit most. After a few moments to recover, he began running again. He needed to keep going. He had a feeling that something bad was going to happen if he didn't find Dib soon.  
  
Dib sat down gingerly in the middle of the tracks. He stared down at the scabs on his arms and began to pick them, smiling aberrantly at the site of his blood being washed away by the rain.  
  
The train's horn sounded from the distance. Dib looked up suddenly, his single spike of hair drooping over his face. He was slowly plummeting into the cloud of despair that seemed to shut out all lucid thoughts.  
  
"Dib?"  
  
He turned to where he heard the voice. Zim was hunched on the porch of the station, his arms folded over his chest in a feeble attempt to ease the pain that the water from the sky inflicted. He stared at Dib, feeling horrible that he could influence someone to take their own life.  
  
Dib looked away quickly.  
  
"Dib, please come here..."  
  
"Why should I?" Dib glared at Zim.  
  
It was Zim's turn to look away. "Because..."  
  
Dib shook his head. "Psh. If you don't have a reason, go away. ... Or did you want to see me die like this?"  
  
Zim's lower lip trembled slightly. "No... I have a reason... I have a lot of reasons..."  
  
The horn from the train sounded again, this time louder. Dib looked for a light on either direction of the tracks warily, then smirked at Zim. "Well, you better give me one of them before that train comes if you have any hope of saving me."  
  
Zim took a deep breath. He was stepping way out of Dignity's boundaries. "Dib... I was... wrong."  
  
Dib blinked.  
  
"I was wrong for accusing you like that, I was wrong for not trusting you, and I was wrong for giving you a reason to throw your life away. And for that..." Zim flinched, feeling tears run down his cheeks. "For that, I'm truly sorry."  
  
The horn from the train sounded again. Dib's cold, wet body suddenly came into light. Zim saw the train coming and began to panic. "Dib, Dib, please forgive me and come here..." He held out his arms shakily.  
  
Like a child, Dib stood up slowly and walked over to Zim. The train raced by only seconds after Dib got out of its way. Zim smiled and a sob escaped his throat.  
  
Dib whimpered and stood in front of Zim. He felt so lost and afraid...  
  
Zim's smile faded quickly when he saw the expression on Dib's face. He stepped out from under the protective roof of the porch and pulled Dib's wet body to his. The water burned Zim's flesh, but he didn't really notice at first as he held Dib tightly and rubbed his back.  
  
Dib hesitated before returning the selfless hug. But as soon as he did, all of his jumbled emotions spilled onto Zim's shoulder as well as his tears. "Oh Zim I'm so sorry..."  
  
Zim hissed, unable to stand the rain any longer. He pulled Dib under the roof with him and ran his claws through the human's soaked hair. "Dib, don't be sorry..."  
  
Dib cried uncontrollably, adding to Zim's discomfort. "Thank you... thank you so much..."  
  
"Shh... it's over now..." Zim smoothed his claws over Dib's red cheeks and stared at the mess of a human in disbelief. "Dib, it's okay, please stop crying..."  
  
Dib hiccuped. "Zim..."  
  
"No, shh..." Zim put a claw up to Dib's quavering blue lips.  
  
Dib shook the claw away. "Zim, listen to me..."  
  
Zim's hands rested on Dib's shoulders. "Yes?"  
  
Dib stared deeply into Zim's ruby eyes. "I love you."  
  
Zim choked. "What?"  
  
"I do Zim, I do..." Dib started crying again.  
  
Zim looked away. He wanted to say he loved him back, but Dib didn't look like he was in his right mind. It was hard to trust those tender words when they came from someone who just tried to kill themself. Zim took Dib by the hand and led him slowly to a bench that was positioned near the boarded-up front door of the train station. He sat down on the bench and reached up to untie the saturated sheet that was wrapped around Dib's waist.  
  
Dib didn't seem to care as the sheet was pulled away from his body, but Zim quickly helped him up into his lap and covered him with it anyway. He was careful of Dib's nudity, especially since they were still in public, even if it was a deserted area. Zim wouldn't have removed the sheet at all, but his body was just too sore to deal with even more wetness; his soaked pants were bad enough.  
  
Dib coughed and rested his head on Zim's shoulder, muttering to himself. Zim tried to understand what Dib was saying, but it wasn't making much sense. He sighed and held Dib tight. "You should try and get some sleep, you're going to become ill..."  
  
But Dib shook his head slowly and continued to murmur.  
  
Zim raised an eyebrow sympathetically and rubbed Dib's chest, trying to keep him warm. The cold didn't affect him as much as it did the human. He thought about calling GIR to bring some clothes, but his utility pack was still at Dib's house. Cursing himself for just leaving it there, he brought a hand away from Dib's chest and searched his pockets for any change. He pulled out 50 cents. With a triumphant grin he looked around for a pay phone. There was one on the other side of the porch.  
  
"Dib, get up for a moment, I'm going to call GIR and have him come get us."  
  
Dib closed his eyes and fell to the side, curling up on the bench. Zim got up and walked over to the pay phone.  
  
'Ring, ring!'  
  
The electronic phone rang a couple more times before GIR answered it from inside Zim's house. "Goodbye? ... Oh, hi master! I'm making you eggnog! ... Ooooooo choo-choos! ... Can I be the caboose? ... Aww, he's gonna die! ... Oh. Okie dokie! Hello!"  
  
GIR hung up the phone and grabbed Zim's balled-up shirt off the floor. Then he skipped into the kitchen and snatched Zim's disguise off the kitchen table. He threw the things into his head and ran out the door.  
  
Zim hung up the phone and checked to see if he got any change back. Empty- handed, he walked back over to Dib and stared down at him. He was pale and trembling violently. Zim sat down by Dib's head and brushed the hair away from his face, wishing there was more he could do.  
  
...  
  
'I can't believe I'm letting this creature affect me like this...'  
  
GIR squealed and ran through Dib's door, which was still open from when he left a few hours ago. A tall skinny man with red hair wearing glasses and black clothes looked down at the robot guiltily. He tried to hide the custom-made lamp of Prof. Membrane behind his back.  
  
GIR stopped and smiled up at the man, recognizing him immediately. "DADDY!"  
  
The man scowled. "Go away."  
  
GIR giggled. "Okay Daddy! I'll tell Zim and the others you said 'hi'!"  
  
"But I didn't."  
  
GIR ignored the man's reply and fetched Dib's pants off the ground. He stuffed them in his head and swayed a bit, the contents of the thermos weighing him down. But he soon got used to the added weight and ran out the door, chanting, "I think I can, I think I can!"  
  
The man blinked and yelled over his shoulder. "Nny, you should've killed him."  
  
Johnny appeared in the kitchen doorway, smirking. "But he didn't do anything, Daddy..."  
  
Zim yawned and stared at the green horizon that glowed from behind the buildings. This would be his first time ever watching the sun rise over earth's surface. ... Not that he cared or anything, it was just something to think about. It couldn't be any different from the sunrise on Irk. Zim smiled a bit. He missed the sunrise on Irk. All those bright purples and whites and blues... Zim studied the skies more intently now, wanting to see what effect the earth's atmosphere had on the sun's rays.  
  
"Chuga-chuga chuga-chuga chuga-chuga WOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Zim jumped with the sound and looked around for any activity, his antennae alert. After a few moments, GIR came into view, running along the inside of the train tracks. He pulled an invisible chain next to his head and roared, "WOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"  
  
Zim sighed, relieved. "GIR, come here."  
  
The little SIR obeyed, suddenly looking sad. He pointed at Dib and tilted his head to one side. "He broked-ed?"  
  
Zim gasped. "You're still wearing Dib's shirt?! GIR, I told you to keep it dry!"  
  
"But then I woulda been naked!" GIR gave his master a "you're so silly" look.  
  
"Then you shoulda wore your dog suit!" Zim gave his servant a "you're so stupid" look.  
  
GIR stuck his tongue out and smiled. "Oh yeaaah..."  
  
Zim rolled his eyes and mimicked GIR. "Yeaaah, now where's the rest of the clothes and my utility pack?"  
  
GIR's head opened in response and out flew the clothes and Zim's disguise. Zim grumbled and bent down, pawing through the items. His face fell. "GIR, is this all you brought?"  
  
The robot smiled gloriously.  
  
"Where's my utility pack?! And my boots, and Dib's boots?! And Dib's boxers?!"  
  
GIR frowned. "Pig needed those too."  
  
Zim snarled. "Oh well, at least you got most of our clothes and my disguise. Now give me Dib's shirt."  
  
GIR looked horrified. "But I'll be naked!"  
  
"No you won't, you can wear... Dib's dress." Zim's patience was growing thin.  
  
"Oo yay! I'll be pretty! Pretty pretty! Happy birthday Mr. President!" GIR cackled and jumped out of Dib's shirt, running over to the dirty white sheet crumpled on the ground next to the bench.  
  
Zim pulled his shirt over his head, popped his contacts in and adjusted his wig. Then he picked up Dib's clothes and woke him up gently. "C'mon Dib, I got your clothes, it's time to go home..."  
  
Dib coughed and sat up slowly. He didn't look too well. Zim helped him get into his clothes and reached behind, hoisting Dib up against his belly. Dib wrapped his arms and legs around Zim and buried his face in his shoulder, moaning.  
  
GIR bunched up the sheet around himself and looked up at his master for approval.  
  
Zim sighed and nodded. "Very nice GIR. Now, do you think you are capable of carrying me AND Dib home on your jets?"  
  
"I'm too pretty! You carry me!" GIR twirled around.  
  
Zim stomped his foot against the ground. "GIR! Dib is sick, we need to get him back home! Now can you carry us or not?!"  
  
GIR shrugged, activating his jets and hovering in front of his passengers.  
  
"Just try, okay GIR?" Zim sat down on his back and eased Dib on top of GIR's head.  
  
GIR giggled and flew down the way he came at a damn good speed considering his load. "I'm a butt-head!"  
  
Zim pushed Dib forward a bit and looked at his tired face sympathetically as everything they passed started to have that morning glow. Zim sighed. He had missed the sunrise.  
  
But Dib's face made up for it.  
  
"I love you too, Dib."  
  
  
  
Aww! I could easily end the story there, that would be the perfect ending... but this story is fun to write and I think we can come up with more things to happen! And I still need to throw in another scene with the Tallests! So will Zim and Dib go back to being enemies come Monday? Will they be friends at school and lovers in secret? I dunno! No choices this time, just throw some suggestions at me and I'll work with what I get! Thank you so much for reading! I'll update soon!  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


	10. WHY MUST YOU USE ME AS EYE CANDY, INFERI...

DEPRESSION'S A BITCH! *Deep breath* Okay. With that said, I must apologize for taking so long to put up this chapter. Gah. But I'm feeling a little better, just really tired. I went shopping for Zimmy stuff and I think I used up my happiness for the week today. But that's okay. I'm gonna be GIR for Halloween this year and my brother is gonna be Zim even though he doesn't know who Dib is. Do you think it's a little early to be thinking about Halloween costumes? If so, please tell me.  
  
Dib's Stalker: I am so sorry for not congratulating you earlier on being my one-hundredth reviewer! I read your review RIGHT after I put up the last chapter, so I had no chance to say kudos! Thanks for all the way cool things you said 'bout me in yer bio thingy! Hah, I feel special now toooooo *Squeals and hugs her new Zim pillow plush tightly*  
  
You all had really good ideas but I couldn't shove 'em in one chapter! But that's a good thing, right? Yea, 'cuz this promises to be a pretty long fic! Yay! There WILL be a scene with the Tallests... mmm, pretty soon, but it's all up to you and where you lead this fic! Thank you all so very much for the encouraging reviews, I never thought this fic would rate so high with the FF community! Love love love, can ya feel it? Huh? Huh?  
  
  
  
Dib opened his eyes, noticing right away that he had his glasses back. Blinking a couple times to get used to his renewed vision, he sat up slowly and wiped the saliva off his cheek. With a grunt of disgust, he pulled at the damp shirt that clung to the unknown substance smothered underneath and looked around warily, feeling horrible. He was in a very comfortable, yet abstract-looking bed with different shades of purple for each blanket, pillowcase and sheet.  
  
"You're awake..."  
  
Dib jerked his head toward the voice and saw Zim sitting in a fuchsia beanbag in the corner of the room, fully clothed and cleaned. Dib looked down; mortified because of the things he and Zim did the night before and the actions that had followed.  
  
Zim shared a bit of Dib's humiliation, having witnessed Dib's strange behavior and being the one to provoke it. But his voice came out a lot smoother than he thought it would. "I had my computer run a diagnosis but it didn't recognize you because you're human." Zim looked away, hiding his obvious frustration toward the supposed-intelligent data processor. "So I don't know what's wrong with you or how to treat it."  
  
Dib sniffed and glanced around nonchalantly for a tissue. His voice was deep with sleep and nasal congestion. "It's probably just a bad cold, nothing serious."  
  
"... Eh? Oh." Zim blushed a little, embarrassed for showing his concern. "But... how can I help?"  
  
Dib tilted his head to the side and looked away, smiling slightly. "Well... when I got sick when I was little, my mom would make me chicken and stars soup..."  
  
Zim quirked a brow and stood up. "Your mother sounded like a very... nice parental unit."  
  
Dib smiled dreamily. "Yeah... wait, huh?"  
  
Zim walked to the doorway and turned to look at the human between his sheets. "Was there anything else she'd do for you?"  
  
Dib stared down at his hands, lost in memories. "She'd give me some Poop Cola and tell me not to drink it too fast... and she'd give me a nice, warm bath... and she'd bundle me up in blankets and cuddle with me... and..." Dib stopped suddenly and dared to look up. Zim's eyes had grown wide and the area where his nose would be had turned soft pink.  
  
Dib blushed. "But you don't have to do those for me, just a tissue would be fine."  
  
Zim looked disappointed. "... Mm, all right, I'll to go to the store and purchase some 'chicken and stars' soup for you."  
  
Dib smiled a bit. "Okay, but what about -"  
  
Zim walked out of the room and the vertical... sliding... door thingy closed behind him.  
  
"... My tissue?" Dib frowned and sniffed again.  
  
"GIR? GIR, where are you?" Zim crawled out of the trash bin and walked into the living room. GIR was sitting in front of the TV, petting his pig and singing along to the Poke'mon theme song.  
  
Zim sighed. "GIR, make sure to check up on Dib every so-often while I go down to one of earth's stinky, inadequate, crawling-with-humans-stores and get a few things."  
  
GIR threw the pig at Zim. "Venonat, return!"  
  
Zim yelped as the pig slammed into the side of his head. The pig bounced off and hit the ground squealing while Zim stumbled back into the wall. GIR found this quite amusing and let out a high-pitched giggle.  
  
Zim rubbed his head and glared at GIR. "You better not try anything like that on Dib."  
  
The robot smiled. "Aww, Chibi Vegeta is safe wif me!"  
  
Zim raised a brow, but didn't bother questioning his minion. He made sure he still had his disguise on and left GIR chasing the pig around the room.  
  
Dib slid the back of his hand under his runny nose and grimaced when he observed the trail it left behind. He hadn't done that for a long time. Humming casually, he wiped his hand on the edge of Zim's bed and looked around. The digital clock on the nightstand read only 7:58 a.m. With a tired groan, Dib curled back up in Zim's velvety blankets and closed his eyes, ignoring the stickiness he felt against his belly and chest.  
  
'Ding Ding!'  
  
Zim stepped inside the 24/7 mart that was located on a corner a little less than a mile away from his house. A young girl who was observing the candy selection next to the register turned away from the counter and stared at Zim with wide eyes.  
  
Oblivious to the little girl, Zim marched to the far end of the store and picked up a 6-pack of Poop Cola. A little cockroach scampered across the empty spot on the shelf where the cans once were and Zim cringed. "How any earth creature can consume such hideous beverages is beyond me." He carried the soda across the store, peering down its few aisles. He spotted a lone can sitting on an empty, stained shelf labeled "New England Clam Chowder".  
  
"'Clam'? What is this 'clam'?" Zim pursed his brows in thought, then shrugged. "Well, whatever it is, it's soup." He picked it up and brought it to the cash register, along with the 6-pack of Poop Cola.  
  
The employee at the register looked down at the items that Zim pushed up on the counter, eyed the strange green customer, then looked back at the items with a bored expression.  
  
Zim glanced at the little girl next to him, becoming aware of the fact that she was looking at him. He forced a smile in hopes that she'd look away, but the little girl just continued to stare mindlessly.  
  
The cashier dragged the soda across the price scanner.  
  
'Beep!'  
  
Zim fished in his pocket for money, trying to ignore the little girl's prodding stare.  
  
The cashier rolled the can of clam chowder across the price scanner, but no beep was to be heard. He grumbled and repeated this process over and over and over...  
  
Zim pulled out a handful of coins and fingered through them, still not quite used to earth's currency.  
  
... And over and over and over...  
  
Zim frowned at the cashier's poor attempts to ring up the can of soup, then turned to the hideous little girl. She blinked slowly, but her eyes never left Zim.  
  
... And over and over and over...  
  
Zim looked away nervously, focusing more on the money in his hand. "Let's see, four... big coins make a dollar..."  
  
... And over and over and over...  
  
Zim felt the little girl's eyes burning into him. He winced and shook all over, unable to take the pressure of being under the scrutiny of the child's eyes any longer. Raising his fists in the air, he screamed, "WHY MUST YOU USE ME AS EYE CANDY, INFERIOR HUMAN STINK?!"  
  
... 'Beep!'  
  
The little girl started to cry. Zim dropped his arms to his sides and looked at her blankly.  
  
The man at the register showed no concern for Zim's sudden outburst or the child's sobs and put the items in a clear plastic bag. He looked at the price shown on the register, then held out his hand. "That'll be $2.75."  
  
Breathing heavily, Zim piled the coins on the counter uncertainly. Before the cashier could count them, Zim snatched the bag off the counter and ran out the door. The little girl sniffled and called after him.  
  
"Wait! I just wanted to say that I like your dress..."  
  
GIR snickered and sprayed some Redi Whip into Dib's open hand. He sucked on the nozzle a few times before tucking the canister into his chest-plate and walking over to where Dib's head was resting. GIR sat down on Zim's pillow gently and pulled a feather out from a hole in the case. He trailed the feather over Dib's lips and watched excitedly as the feverish human subconsciously reached up to brush away the disturbance. The whip cream blotched on Dib's hand was now splattered on his face as well, as Dib awoke abruptly to find out. "What the -?"  
  
GIR laughed hysterically and pointed at Dib's dismayed face. "MARSHMALLOW!"  
  
Zim gagged and dumped the contents of the open can into a pot on the stove. "GAH, what a sick mariney-stench! DisGUSTing 'cuh-LAM'!" He put the heat on high and stirred constantly, impatient with earth's mediocre forms of cooking. Even the convenience of TV dinners and microwave ovens couldn't compare to the speedy heating devices that Irken technology came up with. ... Sure, 1 in every 5 Irkens died from radiation BECAUSE of those speedy heating devices, but at least they had enough time to enjoy some fried chicken before expiring. Mmm... fried chicken...  
  
When Zim was pretty sure the soup was done, he turned off the heat, poured the chowder into a bowl that he didn't know was clean or not, shoved a spoon into his pocket and took the stinky invertebrate-infested meal down the trash bin to his room.  
  
Dib sat up and did his best to lick and wipe away the creamy mess from his jaw, but this action didn't go over well with GIR. The spontaneous robot opened his chest-plate and pulled out the container of Redi Whip. He shook it up and aimed it at Dib menacingly, his eyes glowing red. "PEEPS!"  
  
Not really in the position to defend himself, Dib meekly covered his face with his hands and yelped as he was sprayed and completely covered with whip cream. GIR's serious expression turned to distress when the steady blast of Redi Whip ceased. "Aww, my snow..."  
  
The vertical... sliding... door thingy opened, and in came a flushed and rather insecure looking alien with a steaming bowl of New England Clam Chowder. "They didn't have chicken and st - GIR, WHAT ON IRK.?!"  
  
GIR looked up at Zim and smiled. "Master, you're here! Just in time to go skiing on Dib's greasy head!"  
  
Dib pulled his hands away, revealing the small areas on his face where the wrath of GIR's Redi Whip failed to make contact. He blinked and gave GIR a dirty look.  
  
Zim fought the impulse to hurl the bowl of soup at his annoying SIR unit. "No, GIR, we are NOT going skiing on Dib's head."  
  
"But it's sooo biiig!" GIR climbed up on Dib's slippery shoulder and wrapped his arms around it as a demonstration. Dib scowled and tried to shake GIR away.  
  
Zim snarled, put the bowl of clam chowder on the floor and stomped over to the side of his bed. He wrapped his claw around GIR's antenna and tried to yank him away from Dib's cranium, but the little robot was a lot more powerful than the Irken had originally expected. GIR remained planted to the side of Dib's head despite Zim's vicious rending. "ARGH, GIR, LET... GO!"  
  
Dib howled in pain and cringed as he pulled in the opposite direction. GIR giggled uncontrollably, obviously enjoying the stimulating situation at hand. Zim grunted and pulled harder, pushing his foot up against the edge of his bed for support.  
  
GIR laughed and suddenly let go, sending him and his master falling back on their rears; Zim's landing right in the steaming bowl of clam chowder. He screeched and threw GIR over his shoulder as he jumped up and grabbed his burning behind. GIR smacked against the wall near the doorway, slid down, then ran out of the room, fearing punishment from his enraged master. Dib couldn't help but to laugh at the sight of all these occurrences.  
  
Zim grumbled and rubbed his sore ass, smirking at Dib. "Oh, you think that's funny, Abominable Snowman?"  
  
Dib nodded weakly, still chuckling.  
  
"Well, the sight of you can be found just as humorous."  
  
Dib's giggles faded away as he held out his arms and looked down at the mountain of whip cream in disgust. He glanced up at the Irken and scrunched his face. "You... wouldn't happen to have a bathtub laying around, would you?"  
  
"... A wha? Oh. Um. Maybe." Zim crossed his arms and looked down, unsure if he could trust Dib in his cleansing area.  
  
Dib tilted his head to the side curiously. "Either you do or you don't, Zim... which is it?"  
  
Zim sighed and motioned for Dib to follow him. The blob of cream crawled out of Zim's bed and did so without hesitation, though his gait was a little slow because of his fever. Zim led him out of the room into an elevator that, upon Zim's command, took them to another part of Zim's underground quarters. Dib held his breath and rested his hands on his foamy belly, feeling slightly nauseous because of the ride, but fortunately it was over almost as soon as it had started. The doors to the elevator slid open and revealed a small room that closely resembled a normal bathroom, except for the shapes and colors. Zim walked over to the strange bathtub and turned it on. A thick lime scented and colored substance oozed from the faucet and plopped down on the cold ivory of the tub. Dib raised an eyebrow. 'Kinda reminds me of that one part in the Ghostbusters movie...'  
  
Zim saw the expression on Dib's face and scoffed proudly. "This is what us Irkens bathe in. It's a gelatin-like substance that cleanses and refreshes almost 70% better than your horrible earthly water."  
  
Dib scoffed. "Hey, you think I CHOSE to be born here?"  
  
Zim nodded.  
  
"...?"  
  
"..."  
  
"... Is it safe?" Dib peered into the Jell-O mold cautiously.  
  
"'COURSE it's safe! Would I lead you to believe otherwise?" Zim gave Dib a toothy grin.  
  
Dib thought for a moment. "... Mmmyep."  
  
Zim sat on the edge of the tub, pulled off his glove, and ran his bare claw through the jelly-like substance. He looked up at the human for approval. "See?"  
  
Dib took a deep breath and slowly reached down into the mold...  
  
  
  
Ack! Oh the suspense! What's gonna happen now?!  
  
Dib and Zim take a nice bath together and talk and... "stuff" happens... heh heh...  
  
Dib suddenly pulls away, thinking that Zim is trying to trap him or something... and if this happens, tell me if Zim really IS trying to trap him... for whatever reason... heh heh.  
  
Dib reacts to the gelatin just like Zim reacts to water, so Zim smothers Dib in paste... this can be sensual... heh heh...  
  
Damn I'm naughty. Pick one and tell me what you think! I'm gonna try my best to update this story a lot sooner than I have been! Thanks for reading! Puppy CIAO!  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


	11. Thowway, I Wath Juth Thanking About Thom...

GREAT. A painfully long chapter. How I hate painfully long chapters. I can only hope that you don't share my loathing for... painfully long chapters *Dum dum dummm*  
  
Anyways, this chapter was so much fun to write that I just couldn't stop. Toward the 10th page (according to Microsoft Word '=\ ), I ended it really quick, which sucks, but I didn't want to ruin anything for the next chapter. I think Zim fell out of character big time in this chapter, mostly because he gets all playful and sweet here. But I did my best to make him APPEAR in character, despite the situation. Oh yeah, and prepare yourselves for another lemon *L*  
  
Bugsygurl: *LOL* Glad you liked the whole "clam" thing! *L*  
  
Dib's Stalker: I've been trying to draw fanart to go along with this fic but I can't get the shape of Dib's head right! *Slams head on desk many times* GIR is a bowl of gravy and Zim isn't too hard but Dib... CURSE YOU DIB! Ahh oh well, I'll get it done somehow. And if YOU could draw a li'l somethin' fer moi, that would awesome! Just don't feel like you're obligated to, 'cuz whenever someone makes me feel like I have to draw something, it turns out like spoot! Thank you for offering, I think it would turn out cute! =P  
  
Invader Niz: Sure, go for it! Spread the cheesy in-depthness of my profile! Whee!  
  
Bonnie: Awww thanks!!! =D  
  
DV: Your terrible skills in writing reviews have been excused. You may proceed =P  
  
Jessie (Attempting2Beatbox): *LOL* Yeah, you should yell that at your crush! It's fun as Canada! And kudos to you for being my... 129th reviewer *LOL* *Gives you an answering machine* =D  
  
Kichara: You printed it out and everything?! Aww wow, thank you so damn much! =D HEY, EVERYONE, GO READ KICHARA'S ZIM/DIB FIC, IT'S REALLY GOOD! Told ya I'd tell them to read it *L* *Huggles you back* Thanks for the spork =]  
  
... Dude, I easily made this 11 pages just by adding those replies |=\ Heh, oh well! Thank you all my other reviewers! *Hands out trash bag twist-ties*  
  
  
  
The green transparent gelatin jiggled under Dib's fingertips. He uttered a revolted cry and began to pull away, but found that his hand was being firmly held in place by Zim's left claw. Dib struggled to free his wrist from Zim's grasp, but Zim grunted and forced Dib's hand into the Jell-O mold, determined to gain the human's trust. Dib gasped as his hand and most of his arm was immersed in the cool jelly and prepared to protest, but the sensation wasn't as disgusting as he feared it would be. He sat down on the edge of the tub in front of Zim and stared into the calming gelatin in awe.  
  
Zim felt Dib's jittery hand cease its constant shaking and let go of his wrist. He smiled smugly, pulled off his jellied glove and threw it down near its mate on the bathroom floor. "I told you..."  
  
Dib smirked and pulled his hand out of the substance quickly, causing it to make a plopping sound. He laughed a bit and brushed off the sticky droplets that clung to his arm. "That was... weird..."  
  
Zim stood up awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, um, there you are, earth-monkey. I'm gonna go change my pants and clean up the mess in my room."  
  
"No! Zim, I want you to..." His objection started off eager, but it trailed off sheepishly as Dib realized what he was requesting.  
  
Zim's face brightened. He was hoping that the Dib-worm would stop him from leaving. Zim's internal celebration didn't last very long though; now he faced the uneasiness of the setting and painstakingly wondered how to go about it. It seemed like every encounter with Dib gradually became more and more embarrassing, yet more and more manageable at the same time. His face turning light pink, Zim silently commanded his utility pack to detach from his back and float safely to the floor. Then he pulled his shirt up over his head and began to undo his pants.  
  
Dib timidly reached up and brushed Zim's claws away. Without a word, he unbuttoned Zim's pants and tugged them down past the slight curves of his hips impatiently, ignoring the strange fact that Zim didn't wear undergarments. All the while, Zim stared down at Dib longingly.  
  
After letting the pants fall to the floor, Dib pulled Zim close and planted tiny kisses all over his lower belly. Zim smoothed his fingertips through Dib's whip-creamy hair and sighed softly, stepping out of his pants and boots. There was just something about that boy's touch...  
  
Dib glanced down and saw that Zim was becoming aroused, looking past the slight differences in anatomy. He slid his once again jittery hands up Zim's sides and looked up at him almost pleadingly.  
  
The air got caught in Zim's throat when he saw Dib staring up at him like that. He started to feel something he never felt before. Zim swallowed hard and tried to look away, but his eyes seemed locked onto Dib's innocent honey gaze. Breathing somewhat irregularly now, Zim swallowed again and ran his claw over Dib's Redi Whip covered cheek, paying no attention to how warm it was. "What... what do you want from me..."  
  
Dib's eyes fell, staring at the soft green skin in front of him. "Food..."  
  
"Eh?" Zim tilted his head to one side.  
  
Dib looked up again, almost smiling. "I'm starving... I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday."  
  
"Oh." Zim quirked an amused brow at how Dib thought about eating at a time like this. "Alright... why don't you undress and get in the tub while I go and prepare you something to eat?"  
  
Dib nodded gratefully.  
  
Zim quickly wrapped a nearby towel around his waist and left the room.  
  
Dib gingerly took off his sticky shirt and dared to look down. His body was smeared with patches off brown and a hint of white. Dib stuck his tongue out and bit down on it, clearly shaken. He dipped his finger in the crusty brown substance and sniffed it warily.  
  
"... Gravy?" Dib laughed to himself. "He used the idea from my fantasy..."  
  
Zim stepped out of the trash bin and looked around for his assistant. "GIR? Come to the kitchen."  
  
GIR flew into the room, bundled up in Dib's "dress" again. A long rope was tied around his small metallic body and his poor pig was stuck underneath, pressed against GIR's side. The robot's eyes flared red and he gave his master a salute. "YES SIR!"  
  
Zim raised a brow. "GIR, do we have any... HUMAN food in the house at this very moment?"  
  
The defunct SIR's eyes faded back to turquoise. "Why duntcha give him some... ALIEN food?"  
  
Zim grumbled shortly. "Because there's only so much... "alien" nutrients left, and once I run out, I'm stuck devouring the poorly-made foodstuffs this planet has to offer." Zim twitched as a demonstration of how horrible that would be.  
  
GIR smiled blankly, then looked away and elbowed the pig. "He has a boyfriend now!"  
  
The pig looked up at GIR helplessly and oinked his reply.  
  
Zim growled. "GIR, just order Dib some food you think he would enjoy. There's some money on the shelf by the TV. When the meal gets here, bring it down to the cleansing room, okay?"  
  
GIR looked as if he were deep in thought. After a few moments of painful pondering, he smiled triumphantly and said, "You're not fully clean unless you're Zestfully clean!"  
  
Zim fell to his knees and pressed his hands together desperately. "PLEASE don't screw this up, GIR!"  
  
"Aww." GIR pet his master sympathetically. "You reeeaaally like the Dib- human, huh?"  
  
Zim blinked. "If I said yes, would you try extra hard on the mission I just gave you?"  
  
GIR nodded sincerely.  
  
Zim smiled tearfully. "... YES!"  
  
"YAY!"  
  
Zim stood up and adjusted the towel wrapped around him as if the conversation never happened. He climbed back into the trash bin and eyed his comrade before going down. "I'm counting on you GIR."  
  
GIR looked himself over. "Counting what on me?"  
  
Dib eased his naked body into the tub, the cold slimy jelly shocking his heated flesh. He yelped quietly and started to pull himself out of the substance, but it seemed to hold him in. It didn't take long for his skin to appreciate the cool liquidy-solid (or solidy-liquid), though, and soon Dib found himself relaxing in the tub, closing his eyes and laying his head back.  
  
Zim walked into the room quietly and gazed at the human expectantly. When he received no recognition from Dib, he snickered inwardly and tiptoed over to the tub. Without warning, Zim scooped up some of the gelatin and threw it at Dib's head. It splattered all over his face and neck, causing the whip cream that occupied those places to instantly disintegrate. Dib cried out in surprise and sat up immediately, wiping away the remainders of the Redi Whip and jelly from his face and glasses. Zim laughed friskily and let his towel drop to his feet. Within seconds, he was in the tub, sitting on Dib's lap, wrapping his legs around Dib's belly. "GIR's ordering you something to eat right now, it shouldn't take too long."  
  
Dib blushed and looked down. "Thank you..."  
  
Zim noticed that there was still some whip cream around Dib's temples and ears. Leaning forward, he closed his eyes and let his long tongue slide against Dib's skin, licking up the Redi Whip. It was then when Zim realized just how feverish Dib was. He leaned back and gave Dib a concerned frown. "Are you sure that what you are feeling is merely what you label a 'cold'?"  
  
Dib shrugged. Although he did know quiet a bit in the medical field of science, he wasn't very good at self-diagnosis.  
  
Zim smacked his lips together, trying to get rid of the taste the whip cream left in his mouth. "Are you going to be okay?"  
  
Dib nodded. "This... bath, I guess you could call it, should make me feel better, or at least make the fever go away. Don't worry about it."  
  
Zim blushed and looked down. "... You know, you really... scared me last night, retched human-stink..."  
  
Dib stared at Zim in disbelief, then looked away guiltily. "I'm sorry..."  
  
"No. Don't be sorry. I just wanted to let you know that... because I..." Zim cringed. Dignity obliged and stood out of his way. "... Because I care about you, and I hated to see you... like that..."  
  
Dib bit his bottom lip and shifted uncomfortably, but it didn't look as though Zim was going to let him get out of this one.  
  
"Dib... why? Why last night? And why this?" Zim reached down and pulled one of Dib's mangled arms to the surface.  
  
Dib shrugged nervously, his face puckered with unknown emotion.  
  
Zim's eyes narrowed, but not with anger. He was just trying to understand. "Please tell me, Dib..."  
  
Dib swallowed the lump in his throat and spoke waveringly. "I'd tell you if I knew, but I honestly don't..."  
  
Zim saw how troubled Dib was because of his prodding questions and regretted ever bringing it up. He slid his claws over Dib's heaving chest, assisting the cleansing jelly with its job and calming the human at the same time. Dib pulled Zim closer and wrapped his arms around the Irken tightly. He leaned forward and rested his chin on Zim's shoulder, which was still dark green from Dib's clinging and clawing last night. He sighed and closed his eyes, fearing that he'd start crying if he let his surroundings enter his mind through sight. "Thank you..."  
  
Zim looked down at his tiny green toes that adhered to Dib's back, which also appeared green in the lime gelatin. "For what?" He asked nonchalantly, but he already knew the answer.  
  
Dib's fingers trailed up and down Zim's spine very slowly and softly as he tenderly nibbled and sucked on Zim's bony shoulder affectionately. Zim shuddered and arched his back every time Dib's short nails reached a certain point along his spine. Dib felt Zim tremble with ecstasy and pulled away to observe his face. Zim smiled weakly and brushed his lips across Dib's. "You know, you're... you're very talented with your fingers..."  
  
Dib blushed and started to reject Zim's compliment modestly, but the alien didn't give him the chance. Zim pushed his lips against Dib's and kissed him passionately, keeping his eyes open. Dib tried to do the same thing, but his diffidence prevented it, so his eyes remained shut.  
  
The vertical... sliding... door thingy opened and GIR trotted in joyfully, carrying a box of pizza on his head. He saw his master and the Dib-human kissing and couldn't help but to express his rapture in the best way he knows... "AWW!!!"  
  
Zim yelped and broke the kiss, turning around to face the robot angrily. "GIR!"  
  
Dib licked his lips from the kiss, but also had the pizza in mind. "Cheese, I didn't even hear him come in..."  
  
Zim motioned GIR to approach the bathtub, preparing his weak stomach against the horrific cheesy stench. 'He just HAD to order pizza...'  
  
GIR's chipper face fell. He whimpered sadly, but obeyed his master, and walked over to the side of the tub. Zim leaned over and lifted the pizza box off of GIR's head. Immediately, the little robot started balling. "MY HAT..."  
  
Zim snarled and held the box out of GIR's reach, which wasn't very hard to do. "GIR, I told you this was for the DIB's eating pleasure, not yours! So get your own, you sniveling... uh, spoot THING!"  
  
Dib looked down at the sniveling spoot thing sadly. "... Zim, we should at least give him a piece... for... a job well done. Erm something."  
  
Zim sighed with obvious disheartenment. "Gah, okay." He opened the box and reached inside irresolutely. With a discontented gag, he pulled a piece of pizza away from the pie and threw it down on GIR's head. "There. Are you satisfied now, GIR?"  
  
GIR stopped crying and reached up, patting the greasy cheese critically. "But this isn't my haaat..."  
  
Zim looked like he was about to yell, but Dib stopped him and smiled warily, expressing fake enthusiasm. "But that hat looks prettier, GIR!"  
  
Zim's minion smiled brilliantly. "I'M PRETTY?!" He danced around the room a little bit, then bounded out the door, singing to every boy-band song he could think of.  
  
Zim raised a brow questioningly and Dib just shrugged. "I've got a younger sister, what more can I say?"  
  
This caused more confusion. "Gaz? You use techniques like that on Gaz? And she... obeys?"  
  
"Well, when we were little, yeah." Dib briefly thought about how he had to reassure Gaz when she woke up one morning and found that her mother wasn't there.  
  
"Ahh... ah... MOMMY!"  
  
Gaz wailed and shook the bars of her crib. Dib ran into the room and tried to quiet her by tickling her feet which wouldn't stop kicking between the bars. "Gaz, Mommy is gone."  
  
Instead of crying louder, Gaz ceased her kicking and screaming and stared at her older brother innocently. "Gone?"  
  
Dib nodded softly. He hadn't gotten a wink of sleep the night before, still in shock of all that happened. He called 911; the ambulance came and took his mom away. Somehow Prof. Membrane got the news and came home at around three in the morning to find his son sitting on the couch, staring at the blank TV screen. That's when Dib found out that his mother didn't make it. But his father was actually very comforting at that point. He sat down, took off his goggles and pulled Dib into his lap. That's when Dib remembered crying. Crying so hard that it smelled like blood. Prof. Membrane wrapped his arms around Dib and cradled him gently. "Hush hush now son, try to get some sleep. Your mother wouldn't want you to cry like this... aww, see what you did? Now you've got a nose bleed... it's okay son, here's some tissue..."  
  
Tears sprang to Dib's eyes. His sister reached forward and bopped his nose insistently. "Gone?"  
  
"Yup. She... she's up there now. In Heaven." Dib pointed up toward the ceiling.  
  
Gaz titled her head back to see. "Where?"  
  
"In the clouds. With her Dad. And she's making ice cream sundaes for when she sees us again." Dib gave his sibling a fake smile.  
  
Gaz grinned. "When will I get ice cream?"  
  
Dib gazed at his little sister. The only real family he had left. "Hopefully not soon..."  
  
Zim waved a bite-sized bit of pizza in front of Dib's face. "Dib? Dib, do you not desire the pizza?"  
  
Dib snapped out of it and stared at the sight before him, momentarily forgetting where he was. "Huh? Wait, can you rephrase the question? Questions like that confuse me."  
  
Zim lowered his arm. "Don't you want pizza? You said earlier that you were hungry, but now y -"  
  
"Oh! Yeah, I want pizza!" Dib stared down at the small piece in Zim's hand hungrily.  
  
"Well, then, open wide!" Zim lifted his hand again and dangled the pizza a few inches away from Dib's mouth. "How did you expect to receive the taste of... PETE-zah without opening your mouth? Huh? Huh? ... Huh?"  
  
Dib opened his mouth wide but kept trying to speak. "Thowway, I wath juth thanking about thomethang -"  
  
Zim laughed. "Hold still, you peculiar creature!"  
  
Dib's open mouth curled into a smile. Grinning, Zim shook his head and placed the cheesy bit into Dib's mouth. "Stupid human... ACK, HEY!"  
  
Dib had bit down on Zim's claw playfully. He let go and laughed, chewing on the piece of pizza. "That's what you get for calling me a stupid human, space-boy."  
  
Zim whimpered and pet his claw soothingly, then crossed his arms and gently kicked himself out of Dib's lap, trying to appear mad. "Feed your own homo- sapien-self."  
  
Dib pouted and crawled over to Zim. "No! I want you to feed me!"  
  
Zim snickered and shook his head.  
  
"Oh FINE then. Be that way." Dib reached over, grabbed the box of pizza that was balancing on the corner of the tub, and moved away as far as possible from Zim.  
  
Zim glared over at Dib, a hint of a smile in his lavender eyes. He didn't think the human would have given up that easily...  
  
Dib opened the box of pizza in front of him and pulled out a large piece. But before he could let the pizza into his mouth, he felt something creep up his legs. He paused and peeked over the cardboard pizza box. "Zim?"  
  
Zim opened his eyes against the jelly and focused on his target. With a sly smile he pulled himself closer to Dib's member.  
  
Dib saw Zim's wig floating (or sitting) at the other end of the tub. He looked down, expecting to see Zim there, but not expecting the feeling that came over him just then. "... ZIM!"  
  
Zim felt Dib's cock grow in his mouth and teased it with his long tongue. Upon hearing his name being called with such vigor, he pulled up out of the gelatin instead of going further. Dib's eyes were wide with excitement and surprise.  
  
Zim leaned to the side and spit out the green cleansing jelly that had managed to slip past his lips. Dib laughed. It looked wrong.  
  
Zim resumed his original position on Dib's lap and took the pizza away from his hand. He held the pizza up to Dib's mouth silently and smiled when Dib leaned forward and took a bite. Zim let his free hand slide down into the bathing gelatin secretively.  
  
Dib licked the grease from his lips and leaned forward for another bite of the cheesy goodness, but stopped abruptly when he felt Zim's claw tighten around his erect shaft. Zim smiled seductively, began to stroke Dib's cock, and urged him to continue eating the pizza. Dib did so slowly, hissing every once in a while and biting down a little too hard at times. He moaned and grit his teeth together, leaning back against the end of the tub and dropping the pizza box on the outside.  
  
Zim dropped the half-eaten pizza on top of the box and plunged into the jelly-like substance. Dib moaned and dug his nails into the ivory of the tub as the rubbing of his member ceased, only to be replaced by the warm caress of Zim's mouth. Zim began pumping in and out, up and down, his lips pressed tightly around Dib's sensitive shaft. Dib's toes curled involuntarily with pleasure and he reached down into the mold, running his fingertips along Zim's antennae as if repaying him for the sexual deed.  
  
Zim's eyes grew wide and he trembled violently, but struggled to keep his rhythm. He dug his claws into Dib's sides and continued sucking.  
  
Dib yelped, the pain of Zim's claws against his skin only adding to the pleasure. He started tugging on Zim's antennae in sync with the pumping, moaning Zim's name fervently.  
  
Zim's eyes started to water and his rhythm slowed dramatically. His delicate feelers couldn't take that sort of abuse.  
  
Dib cringed and pulled on Zim's antennae harder. "Zim, keep going..."  
  
Zim whimpered inwardly and proceeded to go faster at a gradual rate, sliding his slick tongue around Dib's throbbing member. He felt Dib's thighs shudder below him and noticed his stomach muscles contracting. Zim reached over his head and pulled Dib's hands away from his antennae, letting the human grasp his claws instead. Dib squeezed them responsively and uttered short, blissful sighs. "Zim... I'm almost there... oh Zim..."  
  
The Irken twisted his long multitalented tongue around Dib's shaft and made each thrust faster, harder and tighter. Dib let out a suppressed scream and leaned forward as he came inside of Zim's mouth.  
  
Zim's first reaction was to pull away in disgust, but as he felt the warm liquid flow into his mouth he figured it wasn't that bad after all. He swallowed and surfaced, gasping for air.  
  
Dib stared at Zim incredulously. "You held your breath the whole time? ... Am I really that easy?"  
  
Zim laughed and shook his head. "No, my race can hold their breath for as long as 15 minutes."  
  
"15?" Dib smiled proudly.  
  
Zim laughed again, this time more gently. "Don't flatter yourself, worm- baby, I was only under there for 6."  
  
Dib frowned. "That's all?"  
  
Zim nodded, trying not to laugh some more.  
  
"You're lying!" Dib snarled angrily, but couldn't help but to find it funny as well.  
  
Zim hurried to reassure him. "But that's not counting the time I was above the cleansing jelly!"  
  
Dib looked hopeful. "How long was that?"  
  
Zim thought for a moment. "About... 2 minutes..."  
  
Dib's face fell and Zim snickered some more, trying not to be rude about it. But Dib sneered. "Oh yeah? Well, I bet I can get you off a lot faster than 8 minutes!"  
  
Zim stopped laughing and rose a brow. "Is that a challenge?"  
  
Dib licked his lips. "Maybe..."  
  
The vertical... sliding... door thingy opened and GIR ran into the room eagerly. Dib looked down at the SIR unit accusingly and Zim rolled his eyes, clearly exasperated with his companion's behavior. "GIR, what do you want?"  
  
"Somebody wants to seeeee you!"  
  
  
  
*LOL* Poor Dib... who wants to see Zim? Huh? HUH?  
  
Gaz! She came over with her camera, scared the lawn gnomes (she can do that cuz, well, she's Gaz) and knocked on the door to try and get proof that her brother and Zim are being naughty! And if this happens, SHOULD she catch 'em?  
  
The Tallests! They're sending in a transmission preparing to tell Zim that the whole mission was just a joke (yes, I know it's cliché but a couple of you wanted this and it would fit so well with the story).  
  
... Damn, I can't think of any other reasonable choices! Oh well, just pick one! I'm pretty sure I'll get the next chapter up soon, but I'm behind in schoolwork (so what else is crackalackin'?). I can't promise much! But I'll do the best I can, and I hope you liked this. painfully long chapter *Dum dum dummm*  
  
Hey, who keeps doing that?  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


	12. Docile Innocence and Mischievous Guile

Finally! This chapter has taken me a while because every few paragraphs I had to stop for 10 minutes and think of what I was gonna write |=[ I think this chapter is gonna be a major disappointment, and don't tell me otherwise just to make me feel better. *L* I'm sorry, I honestly tried my hardest... the next chapter will be better, it promises a lot of action and possibly humor, I dunno, I'll have to see what I come up with.  
  
The votes between "Gaz catching them" and "Gaz not catching them" were really close. So which one got the majority? Well, read and find out!  
  
Bonnie: I read your fic so far and it's really good! I'm lovin' it! READ BONNIE'S ZIMMY FIC! Heh, I feel stupid referring all my readers to check out stories that are 100 times better than mine *L*  
  
Kimberly: Weird is a relative term! To me, you're not weird, so dun worry about it *L*  
  
Invader Jill: *Hands you an answering machine* There ya go, selfish li'l power-hungry... THING! *L* Nah I love you! =D  
  
Kichara: I'm glad I cheered you up! I like heart-flutters, they remind me of baby food =] *LOL* Tell the toaster and the twist-ties that I'll stab them with forks if they don't be nice to you!  
  
Thank you all my other reviewers! I love reading your reviews when you tell me how funny or sad something was because when I write it myself I don't see the humor or sadness. So when you guys do, it makes me feel like I wasn't the one who wrote it, and I end up laughing hysterically or trying to hold back tears. It's funny how you guys react, too! I love you all I really do! *Squeals and slams head into keyboard*  
  
  
  
Zim narrowed his eyes. "WHO wants to see me, GIR?"  
  
... Too late. GIR's attention had already been drawn to the lukewarm slice of pizza sitting on the floor. "MY HAT!"  
  
Dib rubbed his hands against his thighs and stared at Zim anxiously. The Irken glanced at him helplessly, then looked down at his "evil" minion, clearly aggravated. "GIR, whoever they made be, send them away. I'm too... busy at the moment to deal with them, or YOU, for that matter."  
  
"But master, they -"  
  
"GIR, I TOLD YOU I AM BUSY! NOW GO AND SEND THEM AWAY!"  
  
The little robot frowned, turned, and walked out of the room, the door closing behind.  
  
Zim turned to look at Dib calmly and expectantly. "Well...?"  
  
Dib blushed and removed his glasses, careful not to get them greasy as he laid them safely on the pizza box by the tub. He sat up and looked down nervously. "You do understand that I won't be able to hold my breath for 15 minutes, right? You're lucky if you get 30 seconds outta me."  
  
Zim nodded, already growing excited from anticipation. "I don't mind..." He reached forward and cupped Dib's face in his claws, rubbing the human's flushed cheeks with his thumbs.  
  
Dib smiled softly. His wide, honey eyes hosted docile innocence and mischievous guile, a cast that Zim found utterly ravishing. His breath grew shallow as he tried his best to encourage the uncertain boy. "It's not possible for one of your beauty to disappoint me, Dib... you'll do just fine..."  
  
Dib could have sworn he felt his heart skip a beat as he heard those words escape Zim's lips. Not only were they unbelievable, but they were flattering and... well, amazingly enough... mellifluous. Dib blushed and let his eyes fall.  
  
Zim slid his claws up Dib's face and ran his fingers through the human's matted hair. He didn't want to pressure Dib, but his body was growing restive. "... Are you sure you want to perform this task?"  
  
Without a word, Dib took a deep breath and ducked under the surface of the cleansing jelly, encasing Zim's hard cock in his wet mouth. Zim closed his eyes and let his claws kindly help Dib's hesitant proceeding and retreating thrusts. After about 37 seconds of sexual rapture, Dib pulled up and gasped for air. Zim cringed because of the sudden stop, but as soon as Dib inhaled more oxygen, he was down in Zim's lap once again.  
  
GIR opened the front door and stared up at the girl on the doorstep. "I... I'm sorry..."  
  
Gaz growled, strangling a seemingly useless lawn gnome with her left arm. "WHY are you sorry?"  
  
"Master's busy with his boyfriend." GIR sniffed sadly but then waved ecstatically at the lawn gnome in Gaz's death-hold. "HI!"  
  
Gaz stifled an unusual laugh. "Is that so? Bring me to them."  
  
"But..." GIR paused as if trying to remember something with his non- existent brain. Failing to do so, he smiled cheerfully and stepped back, letting Gaz inside. "OKIE DOKIE CHERIOKEE!"  
  
Gaz smirked, dropped the lawn gnome at the door and readied the SLR camera around her neck. She followed GIR down into the trash bin and past many of Zim's assorted labs in the computerized elevator. When the elevator reached a certain point, the doors slid open, and the delirious SIR led Gaz down a tiny hall to a closed panel in the blood-red wall. GIR snickered and pressed his head to the door. "Lookit how busy they are!"  
  
Gaz imitated the robot and listened carefully. From inside, she heard moans, screams, sighs and yelps... all directed at her brother. Gaz's lower eyelids twitched in disgust and amusement as she tried her hardest not to laugh. This was just what she needed to bring her spirits up, and she was going to take advantage of it.  
  
But just listening to the obvious wasn't enough. Gaz looked down at GIR. "Hey, you. How do you open the door?"  
  
Dib came up for air again, coughing from the fullness of Zim's member and the lime-flavored jelly. Zim screamed out and shook in overwhelming pleasure. "DIB! Dib, keep going! Ohh!"  
  
Dib inhaled deeply, his parted lips shaped into a powerless yet determined frown. He snapped his jaw shut and completely immersed into the cleansing gelatin again, just as the door slid open.  
  
Zim winced and looked over his shoulder. "GIR, what is - HOLY IRK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" Zim squeaked in fear and shoved Dib's head down into his lap, ceasing his vigorous pumps.  
  
Gaz simpered and took a couple steps into the room. "Where's my brother? Aren't you supposed to be performing horrible experiments on his disgustingly large head?"  
  
Zim couldn't hide the terror in his shaky voice. "H-He does NOT have a large head, pathetic being! Now be gone with you!"  
  
"Oh, so now you're defending him? How sweet." Gaz snorted.  
  
Poor Dib, whose face was still pressed rather uncomfortably against Zim's crotch, heard every muffled word and started to panic. Not only was his sister a couple of feet away from discovering him and Zim, but he had a penis prodding his uvula and a set of lungs that couldn't hold a lot of air. He dug his short nails into Zim's thighs as if to say, "You best get that bia outta hea'!"  
  
Zim yelped and nonchalantly knocked Dib upside his head. Gaz peered over curiously and took a few steps closer, questioning what she already knew. "Is that my brother in the tub with you?"  
  
Zim gasped. "GIR! HOLD HER!"  
  
GIR tittered and kicked at the floor. "Aww master, but what if she dun like me?"  
  
Gaz held the camera up to her face as she neared the end of the tub. Zim looked around frantically and spotted his only hope.  
  
His wig.  
  
He could throw it at Gaz and maybe buy the time to run past her and hide!  
  
But before he could reach for it, Dib somehow managed to gather the energy needed to push himself to the surface, gagging, choking and gasping for desperately missed air. He glared at Zim accusingly. "WHY'D YOU HIT ME?!"  
  
Zim snarled. His plans always seemed to be foiled by Dib, no matter the situation. "I'd hit you again, stupid human, if we didn't have such unwanted company..."  
  
FLASH! 'Click!'  
  
Dib covered his eyes, blinded by the sudden light that filled the room. Zim blinked in shock and slowly turned around to see Gaz with a smug smile on her face. She pet the SLR camera affectionately as if it were a precious stone. "Just wait'll the kids at Skool get a hold of this..."  
  
Dib recovered from the camera's flash, leaned over the side of the tub and fumbled around for his glasses. Zim paled and gawked at the devious little girl. "Y-you wouldn't..."  
  
"We already had this conversation." Gaz scoffed. "I told you I would."  
  
Dib finally found his glasses and put them on, not bothering to worry about cleaning the lenses. When his eyes confirmed what he heard, he looked just as frightened, upset and humiliated as Zim. "Gaz, please don't do this, I'm sorry about... about... hey, what have I done to you lately?"  
  
Gaz thought for a moment. "... Nothing."  
  
Dib shouted at his sibling indignantly. "THEN WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!"  
  
"For fun." Gaz made it sound as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
Zim caught on to Dib's anger and glowered at Gaz. "I assure you, stinky human-stink, you will NOT get away with this."  
  
"Famous last words, Zim." Gaz smirked wickedly and left the room. GIR smiled hopefully and ran after her, giggling.  
  
For a while, Zim and Dib both sat in silence, their minds scrambling to comprehend what just happened. Zim bit his lip until the flesh grew numb while Dib picked at his cuticles until they bled. Both felt they owed the other an apology; Zim feeling sorry because he blamed his base's defenses and Dib feeling bad because the person causing so much trouble was a member of his family.  
  
Just as Zim was about to say something, Dib blurted out hysterically, "Oh man, I am SO screw-ew-ewed... Zim, what the Canada are we going to do?! If anyone at Skool sees that picture... oh, I don't even wanna THINK about it... Zim, do you know how MORTIFYING that would be?! Huh? Huh? Huh? ... Do ya, huh?"  
  
Zim stretched out in the tub and waved his hand, looking quite agitated. "Dib, please, I'm thinking."  
  
Dib stopped his vehement complaining and gazed down at Zim's feet. They looked no different from his own, despite the talons that Zim had for hands. Sighing softly, Dib gently scratched his toenails along the delicate undersurface of the Irken's feet. This resulted in a quizzical glance from Zim interrupted by a mini-fit of laughter. The alien squirmed, tucked his feet underneath his rump and protested almost gleefully. "DI- IB, I am TRYING to get ourselves out of this mess! Now are you going to let me ponder on our current situation or not?"  
  
Dib smiled meagerly and stared at Zim. "What do you think we should do?"  
  
Zim frowned helplessly. "Um... we CAN use the Hunter Destroyer machine, but I'd have to make some repairs seeing as how GIR broke it last night..."  
  
"Hunter Destroyer? ZIM, she's my sister, I don't wanna kill her!"  
  
Zim growled and folded his arms across his chest. "Well FINE DIB, why don't YOU come up with something?"  
  
Dib gave Zim an apathetic look. "I can sneak into her room tonight, get the film from the camera and demolish it."  
  
Zim's eyes widened, impressed. "... Wow. I-I mean, pretty good considering that big head of yours doesn't hold much."  
  
Dib splashed at Zim. "HEY! I heard you tell Gaz that I DIDN'T have a big head!"  
  
Zim blinked and dodged the thick green liquid. "You did?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Well, uh, you heard wrong! See, I told you that head of yours doesn't hold much."  
  
Dib narrowed his eyes and shook his head, grinning. "Oh shut up."  
  
Zim rubbed the back of his neck, blushing slightly. "It is a good plan, though. Simple, yet good. Not as good as mine, but... at what time does your frightening sibling go to bed?"  
  
"Usually around 10:00 on weekends, but I wouldn't be surprised if she stayed up playing video games before she fell asleep."  
  
Zim held a claw up to his chin and looked upward in thought. "So, we should probably leave here at about...?"  
  
"We? Leave here?" Dib furrowed his brows in puzzlement. He was unaware of the fact that Zim was contriving to keep him there for the rest of the day. "I'm sorry, but I should be getting home, I mean, I did kind of leave unannounced..."  
  
"Oh no, you're staying here." Zim glared at Dib sternly. "You're sick, and knowing your father, I'm sure he doesn't even realize you're gone. And Gaz, well, she doesn't care, am I right?"  
  
Dib cringed and looked at the outspoken alien with an expression mixed with pain and anger. "Ya know, that kinda hurt..."  
  
Zim's face fell. Never in his life had he encountered a race so sensitive to the truth. Scowling at his crude statement, he leaned over and placed a claw on Dib's ankle. "I'm sorry, earth creature. I didn't mean it in that sense. I just want to make sure you get better, that's all."  
  
Dib smiled a bit. It was nice to know that at least SOMEBODY cared. "It's okay, but I've gotta warn you, we'll have to be extra careful. Gaz is an extremely light sleeper."  
  
"That is not a problem for ZIM! So are we going to put a stop to your sister's... evil... showing and... telling of... of... uh... us and... erm... showy-tell... thing... of doom?" Zim grinned proudly at his attempted address.  
  
Dib nodded. "Yea! ... But first..."  
  
Gaz climbed out of the trash bin with Zim's loud moans echoing behind. She gaped down into the tube incredulously. "They're going at it again? ... I should've brought my sound recorder."  
  
Gaz made her way out of the kitchen, oblivious to the little robot that was following. Before she could open the front door to leave, GIR wrapped his arms around the little girl's leg and smiled up at her. "Will you come baaack for me?"  
  
Gaz's eyes widened. "No. Now get off of me before I make you."  
  
Tears welled up in GIR's eyes as he reluctantly let go. Gaz's well-hidden heart peeked out of the closet of her emotions, and she bent down to pet GIR's metallic head. The kooky SIR unit smiled sweetly. "Does dat mean you'll come baaack for me?"  
  
Gaz grumbled a reply and left before GIR could ask if that was a "yes" or "no". GIR giggled and looked down, his eyes glowing a bit brighter than usual. He turned around and skipped throughout the house without a cause, humming to "Satisfy You" by P. Diddy and R. Kelly (I like dat song =D ).  
  
Zim screamed out and reared his head back as Dib surfaced and wiped his mouth, smiling at the Irken. "How long would you say that took me?"  
  
Zim closed his eyes, breathing heavily. "I... um... 5 minutes... I think..."  
  
Dib raised his arms triumphantly. "YES! I won!"  
  
Zim smiled weakly, not exactly in the position to deny defeat. "Heh... thank you Dib... that was a... a lot better than... I thought it would be... a LOT better..."  
  
Dib looked down shyly and licked his lips. "Uh... glad you liked it?"  
  
Zim reached forward and pulled Dib into his lap. The human came willingly, closing his eyes and nuzzling Zim's neck. He was just as exhausted as the alien was, being the one with the cold and all.  
  
After the two boys had caught their breath, Zim pulled Dib away and held his claw up to the human's forehead. "Your fever seems to have died down a great deal."  
  
Dib sniffed and closed his eyes gratefully against the coldness of Zim's claw. "I still feel like crap though..."  
  
Zim pushed Dib away gently and stood up. "I shouldn't have held you down in the cleansing jelly like that. It certainly didn't do you any good."  
  
Dib blew at the thick bit of hair that drooped down in front of his nose and shrugged. "It's not like you had a choice."  
  
Zim stepped out of the tub and looked at Dib questioningly. "Are you ready?"  
  
Dib rubbed a few spots on his body, then reached for Zim's claw. "Yea, I guess."  
  
Zim helped Dib out of the tub and walked to the other end of the bathroom. Dib looked at the towel on the floor that Zim used to cover himself and bent down to pick it up.  
  
"No, Dib, over here." Zim stepped into a cubicle that closely resembled a shower without a door. Dib followed warily and peeked inside.  
  
The two opposing walls of the room had large fans built into them. Black tiles with tiny white specks covered every wall and the ceiling in the room. The floor, which looked like it was made entirely of rubber, also adorned the pattern of the tiles in order to create an "outer-spacey" appearance. Zim stood in the middle of the room and spread out his arms disdainfully. "This is the parching chamber. It is much like the hand dryers in most of your public restroom things, except the parching chamber uses the same process to dry the whole body. Clever, yes?"  
  
Dib eyed the towel rack beside the chamber. "Um... why is that there then?"  
  
"Eh?" Zim leaned forward and peered in the general direction of Dib's glance. "Oh THAT, heh heh, well, we still use towels when we're in a hurry. You see, such an aMAZing machine takes a... while to... warm up..." Zim looked down sheepishly, then perked up. "But it's fun, nonetheless! C'mon!"  
  
Dib looked at the large fans on either side of the room. "Don't you have a metal casing for those things?"  
  
"No need! Once the machine gets started, the equal force between the fans keeps you in one spot."  
  
"What if one breaks down -"  
  
"DIB, JUSTGETINHERE!"  
  
Dib yelped and did so, careful of Zim's moody temper. The alien smiled and held onto both of Dib's hands. "Ready?"  
  
Dib looked at the huge fans. "I know I'm gonna regret this..."  
  
Zim ignored Dib's negativity and stepped on a red button in the center of the chamber. A tiled door slid down and closed the two boys in darkness, creating the same effect that a haunted house or roller coaster would. Dib whimpered and squeezed Zim's claws. "I hate the dark..."  
  
A loud whir bounced off the walls and a small light embedded in the ceiling flickered on. Dib stared at Zim's illuminated face. Zim smiled a bit and looked away quickly.  
  
'How can he act like Eminem on steroids and hide such a sweet, fun-loving personality?' Dib tilted his head to one side and studied Zim carefully. Even through the contacts he saw a glint of sorrow, but he didn't have time to think about it. The blades of both fans started circling in synchronism, creating a breeze that grew to a gust bit by bit. Eventually, the wind became so powerful that Dib and Zim were forced to close their eyes. After a few seconds of this, Zim stomped on the red button and the blast receded, the light went out and the door flew open.  
  
"WOO!" Dib stepped out and shook his head as if he were a dog.  
  
Zim laughed at Dib's reaction and took the contacts out of his irritated eyes. "I told you it would be fun, Dib-monkey! Why did you not believe me?"  
  
Dib laughed and ran his hands though his wild hair. "It's kind of hard to believe an alien who's bent on conquering earth."  
  
Zim looked over at Dib, his aspect hard to analyze.  
  
Dib cringed and looked away guiltily. He had brought up a tender issue that both "lovers" had been subconsciously trying to avoid.  
  
Zim blinked away his worry and confusion and started walking toward the door. "Uh... do you want something to drink?"  
  
Dib nodded, still feeling bad.  
  
"Well, come on then." Zim pressed a button near the door and stepped outside. Dib followed at a distance, never once making eye contact with the Irken.  
  
  
  
Aww... what do you wanna see happen in the next chapter?  
  
Dib, Zim and GIR sneak into Gaz's room and accidentally wake her up as they retrieve the film successfully...  
  
Dib, Zim and GIR sneak into Gaz's room and accidentally wake her up. They never get the film and end up being ridiculed at Skool...  
  
Dib, Zim and GIR sneak into Gaz's room and can't find the camera, but when Gaz develops the film she finds that she never took the lens cap off...  
  
Dib, Zim and GIR sneak into Gaz's room and accidentally wake her up, but Zim tells Gaz about all the nice things Dib did for her when she was little and she lets them take the film... (Yes, I know Zim doesn't have a clue about Dib's past but if this happens I'll have Dib tell him.)  
  
I'll try to get the next chapter up soon, but if it takes a while, I'm sorry!  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


	13. Interrupted By a Plate of Almost Edible ...

You now have the right to hate me!  
  
A whole month without updating! I must've put you devoted fan-type thingys through so much pain! ... Well, damn, I know I put myself through a lotta pain; this story has been gnawing away at my conscious for a whole month! Oh the guilt... I hope this chapter was worth the wait, it was the best I could do... no, really, you don't understand! I must've rewritten it over 8 times! Gah! I don't even WANNA get into why this chapter's so long... I'm only gonna comment on a couple of your reviews this time, so don't feel unloved if I dun thank you personally for liking my story, okies? =]  
  
Gaz is WAY out of character for a few parts in this fic; I'm sorry, I just wanted to give her a little bit more of a personality than she usually has. GIR might be a bit out of character too... I dunno, it's hard to tell! In some episodes he's almost smart and in others he's just kinda... you know *L* Zim and Dib are in and out of character, but that's nothin' new... oh, and what GIR says about the Lord really is in the Bible, I just forgot to write where I found it... it's somewhere in Psalms, if anyone cares *L*  
  
Invader Jill: YES! THERE ARE SUCH THINGS AS INVADER ZIM CELL PHONE COVERS! Hot Topic, $18, get yours today! =P I'm still lookin' for the Invader Zim flip-flops... yes, they have those, too! ... AND IZ BLOW-UP CHAIRS! Can you believe it?! =D  
  
Tomsbuttsporkle182: *LOL* Wow, that IS the longest review! Thank you so much for blessing my humble fic with your gargantuan review! I'd kiss yer sore boobie, but, heh, ya know... *L* And... well, I'm not sure how Zim cries! All I know is that he sweats, so I guess the same fluid that comes out his pores comes out his tear-ducts as well! Also, I read most of your fic, and I think it's pretty good! But I'm not a good judge 'cuz I'm not a real big fan of Blink 182... still, I acknowledge your mighty writing skills! EVERYONE, GO READ TOMSBUTTSPORKLE182'S FIC: "'Never Blink 182 Times; You Might End Up With Human Stink Pigs on Your Hands! An Invader Zim Meets Blink-182 Crossover!"  
  
Jessie: *LOL* I feel so special that everyone's askin' me to read their ficcys! Makes me feel all superior... well, I'm too lazy to read it right now (I just got done watching all my Invader Zim eps on tape... muted... with the closed captioning on... please, do not ask *L*) so I'll check it out when I'm feeling... um... non-lethargic! But everyone, go read Jessie's fic anyways, since I'm so sure it's worth your time: "*ZIMSYNC!" ... *LOL* Just the concept of the story humors me!  
  
Thank you thank you thank you everyone for readin' muh story and for stickin' by me despite my laggingness... I love you all, I really do... SO I BROUGHT WIENERS FOR EVERYONE! *Throws wieners around the room, laughing maniacally*  
  
Oh, and please check out my profile so you can sign all the Zim petitions! And don't forget The Angry Beavers petition! That's my second most favoritest show, and I wanna see it on the air again! Besides, I've come to find that most Zim fans are also fans of the beavers! So sign!  
  
  
  
Once they had taken a trip on the elevator to Zim's room, a chocolatey mess greeted the two unclothed boys at the door. "MASTER! I need he-elp!"  
  
"You think I don't already know that, GIR?" Zim shook his head and strode past his liquid-cocoa covered servant. Dib followed, careful not to step in the puddles of whipped cream, clam chowder, and the latest edition to the assortment of filth strewn across Zim's bedroom floor: chocolate.  
  
GIR waved a bottle of Poop Chocolate Syrup in his hand and ran over to his master, who had opened his bureau and started pawing through its contents. "But master, thisisdiffernt! See, 'cuz, like, I dunno how to make chocolate piggies for Gaz -"  
  
Dib looked down by Zim's feet and stared at the little robot skeptically before lowering himself into the beanbag chair by the dresser. "Chocolates?! For GAZ?!"  
  
GIR turned to Dib and nodded wistfully. "Yeeeaaah..."  
  
"What on earth possessed you to do that?!" Dib gawked at the lovesick SIR unit incredulously.  
  
GIR giggled nervously. "Meehee, she ish jush sho pwetty..."  
  
Zim pulled out a pair of dark blue boxers decorated with all sorts of planets, stars, and nebulas and handed them to Dib, obviously unaware of the conversation going on in the midst. "Here, I think you'll like these ones..."  
  
Dib took the boxers gratefully, unable to keep himself from blushing over the idea that Zim affectionately picked them out for him. "... Are you sure?"  
  
"Of course I'm sure." Zim eyed Dib from over the open dresser drawer. "You need SOMEthing to wear while I clean your clothes."  
  
"... You're gonna clean my clothes?"  
  
Zim pulled out a pair of satiny black boxers, pushed the drawer close and looked down at Dib with a crooked smile. "Don't act so surprised, human!"  
  
Dib reddened and looked down. "It's just that I'm not used to being so... pampered, that's all..."  
  
"Well... I suggest you get used to it..." Zim blushed with his own words and stepped inside the leg holes of his boxers, hopping around unsteadily.  
  
Dib looked up, wondering if he should make Zim feel uneasier by asking him why. But GIR, being hungry for attention, abruptly screamed out in anguish and squeezed the bottle of chocolate syrup onto the beanbag, just barely missing Dib's legs. Dib scooted back and shot GIR a dirty look. "HEY!"  
  
Upon seeing this, Zim pulled up his boxers, grabbed GIR by the leg and held him up to his eye-level. "What is the meaning of your behavior?!"  
  
GIR squealed with joy. "Dib-human'ssittin'onthaceiling!"  
  
Frustrated, Zim dropped GIR nonchalantly and proceeded to go through another dresser drawer.  
  
Dib wiped the chocolate syrup off the beanbag and it splattered on the floor. "He has a crush on my sister."  
  
Zim looked over at Dib disbelievingly. "You can't be serious..."  
  
"He told me so. That's why he has the chocolate syrup. He's trying to make her chocolate... 'piggies'." Dib simpered.  
  
Zim retrieved a suit identical to the one he was wearing the day before from the drawer and shrugged. "At least it'll give him something to do."  
  
GIR, who had decided to remain on the messy carpet, looked up his master's boxers innocently before putting on a melancholy aspect. "Master help make chocolate piggies for Gaz?"  
  
Zim growled and stepped away from his companion. "No. A creature like that does not deserve to indulge in sweets. Besides, Dib and I are trying to get dressed... SOGOAWAY!"  
  
Dib, not fazed by Zim's perception of his sister, stood up and slipped into the cottony boxers that were lent to him.  
  
GIR gave up on his master and walked over to Dib hopefully. He tugged on his boxers as the human was trying to pull them up. Dib wrinkled his nose, thwarted. "Gah, what do you want?!"  
  
Zim let an entertained giggle escape his throat as he watched GIR and Dib play tug-o-war with the shorts. GIR successfully jerked Dib's boxers to his ankles and was awarded with applause from his master. Dib looked up at Zim accusingly while GIR smiled proudly. "YAY! I did good?"  
  
Zim laughed at the look on Dib's face and nodded enthusiastically. "Yes yes GIR, you did good."  
  
GIR clapped for himself and looked up at Dib. "Dib-monkey help make chocolate piggies for Gaz!"  
  
Dib reached down and pulled up his boxers. He glanced at Zim helplessly, but the Irken just shrugged. Dib looked down at GIR and sighed. "I'm no chef, but I'll try..."  
  
GIR tossed himself upside down and bounced around on his head. "The statutes of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart!"  
  
Dib grinned a bit and quirked a brow, suddenly remembering something. "GIR, what did you do with my Bible?"  
  
GIR turned himself upright again, opened his head and pulled out a thick book that was, amazingly, still in perfect condition. He handed it to Dib, but the human shook his head. "Nah, you better hold onto it. Just make sure you take good care of it, okay GIR? I'm serious, that book means a lot to me."  
  
Zim stared at the two, hopelessly lost. But GIR nodded solemnly and placed the Bible in its previous location, then proceeded to carry the Poop Chocolate Syrup out the door. Dib smiled and started to follow, but stopped in the doorway and turned around to face Zim. "Are you gonna help us?"  
  
Zim pulled up his pants and tucked his claws inside, smoothing out the uncomfortable wrinkles in his boxers before buttoning up. He tried to hide the look of awkwardness on his face. "... No, I've got work to do."  
  
Dib frowned, concerned. "Well... after I'm done helping GIR, I'll come down and clean with you, how's that?"  
  
"It doesn't matter, really." Zim flashed a fake smile.  
  
Dib took a couple steps into the room, determined to find out why Zim was acting so distant all of a sudden, but GIR snagged his boxers and tried to pull him out the door. "CHOC-O-LATE PIGGIES! PLEEEAAASE?"  
  
Dib turned and walked with GIR down the hall reluctantly, looking over his shoulder.  
  
Zim snarled and picked up his shirt, glaring at the doorway. "Stupid GIR..." When he was sure that Dib and his newfound robotic acquaintance had gone upstairs, Zim took the elevator to the cleansing room, muttering curses against his servant.  
  
Dib crawled out the trash bin passageway with GIR seated upon his cranium. The human shook GIR off irately before tripping over a non-existent obstacle. Dib flew forward and landed on the duel-colored floor with a smack. GIR safely dropped on Dib's rear and kicked his legs with exuberance as he exclaimed, "AGAIN AGAIN!"  
  
Dib grumbled and stood up, quickly recovering from his fall. GIR hung from the elastic band around Dib's waist and wrapped his legs around one of Dib's thighs, the extra weight dragging his boxers far past his belly button. But Dib didn't seem to care as he proceeded to search the kitchen for utensils and potential ingredients for the making of GIR's thoughtful demonstration of admiration for Gaz. About halfway through this process, GIR let himself down from Dib's behind and made a feeble attempt to help. After much rummaging and scraping, the unlikely pair came up with these items: a cookie sheet, a large bowl, a fork, a wooden spoon, a measuring cup, some flour, eggs, cocoa, baking soda, baking powder, sugar, butter, and salt.  
  
Dib stared at the tools and foodstuffs that lay across the table and scratched his head. "Mom made it look so easy."  
  
GIR giggled, managing to pry open the container of flour. Before Dib could stop the common bakery cliché from occurring, a white cloud engulfed the pixilated SIR unit and dismayed pre-teen. Dib cried out and flailed in an attempt to clear the air around him, coughing profusely. "Damnit, GIR!"  
  
The robot cackled. "Avalanche!"  
  
It didn't take long for the particles of flour to subside. Dib picked up the powdery white robot and sat him down on the floor before shaking the majority of flour from his hair. "Man, no wonder Zim's so angry all the time..."  
  
GIR, who didn't quite understand the insult, looked down shamefully. "I try to -"  
  
"Psh, you do a good job, too. Alright, let's see..." Dib pawed through the items on the tabletop and bit his lip. Deciding to entrust the fate of the cookies in GIR, he looked down at the little robot questioningly. "Okay, how many eggs?"  
  
"Eggs under my piggy crack! Crack!"  
  
Dib titled his head to one side cognitively. "Crack crack? Two eggs? Sure, that sounds about right..."  
  
Zim headed back up to his room, fully dressed, carrying a bucket of lime green cleansing jelly, a mop and his disguise. He had already thrown Dib's clothes in the washer/dryer, figuring that by the time he finished mopping his room the clothes would be done. Then he planned on taking a long- anticipated nap. After all, he was up for the remainder of the night and morning watching over Dib, making sure his fever didn't get too high and retrieving his and Dib's things from the Membrane household. Poor Zim had no way of knowing what was wrong with Dib, and for the first time in years he actually felt scared for someone.  
  
Zim trudged into the elevator and spoke his destination, then piled his load on the floor, eager to give his arms a rest. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. 'What am I going to do? Dib is certainly distracting me from my duties as an invader... I've been working toward this mission my whole life; I can't just throw it all away for a lousy human... but... what if Dib is worth it? ... NO. Zim, stop talking like that. I've got to tell Dib that there's no way a... reLAtionship would work.'  
  
The elevator slowed to a stop and the doors slid open. Zim picked up the items he brought from the cleansing room and headed down the hall to his personal living quarters. He nodded to himself as an outward show of affirmation to his proposed idea, even though he was quite uncertain about it inwardly.  
  
"GIR, I don't think Gaz would appreciate these cookies if she knew that you were sitting in the dough." Dib held his hands on his hips and smiled slightly at the little robot, somewhat amused with his antics.  
  
GIR gave a toothy grin and climbed out of the silver bowl. Dib reached inside, plucked a handful of the thick chocolate dough and patted it into a semi-flat circle. He placed among the arrangement of 11 other small piles of cookie dough and looked over at GIR for favorable reception.  
  
GIR frowned. "WHERE ARE DA CHOCOLATE PIGGIES?!"  
  
"What? Oh... oh yeah... heh..." Dib bit his lip and looked down. "They don't look much like piggies, do they?"  
  
GIR's eyes watered as he gazed up at the human dependently.  
  
Dib looked around as if seeking words of comfort. He paused, blinked, then smiled down at the SIR unit. "Why don't you just shape them into piggies? And when you're done, we'll put them in the oven, okay?"  
  
GIR cheered loudly, his hope restored. He immediately put his skilled... skilled... I dunno, I guess you can call them hands... to work while Dib started to clean up the kitchen. He picked up the big silver bowl, noticing that it still held a good amount of dough.  
  
"Hmm..." Dib grinned. "GIR, is there another cookie sheet around here somewhere...?"  
  
Zim yawned loudly and stared at his room. It was a little damp and smelled like fruit, but it was clean, nonetheless. He smiled at the sense of accomplishment that he felt, temporarily forgetting about his jealous, confused and agitated state of mind. Leaving the mop propped up by the doorway, Zim curled up on a dry spot on his bed and fell asleep.  
  
"Zim..."  
  
"Mmph."  
  
"Zim, wake up..."  
  
"Grrrraarrm."  
  
"Zim, c'mon, we gotta get going..."  
  
Zim finally opened his weary eyes and observed his surroundings with a dazed expression on his face. He smiled a bit as Dib came into view; stretched over the bed, previously nudging him awake.  
  
Dib returned the smile and cupped his chin in his hands. "Hi there..."  
  
Zim sat up groggily and rubbed his eyes. "We've got to get going? ... Where ARE we going?"  
  
"To my house to get the camera from Gaz! Don't you remember?" Dib tilted his head to look up at Zim.  
  
The confused Irken looked over at the digital clock on his nightstand. "11:37? I only slept for an hour...?"  
  
Dib shook his head and stood up. "11:37 P.M., Zim... it's nighttime, you slept all day."  
  
"Eh?" Zim frowned in disarray then slammed a gloved claw against his forehead. "AGH, I HATE it when I do that..."  
  
Dib helped Zim to his feet and glanced off to the side awkwardly, not wanting to sound like a nag. "Uh... Zim? Did you ever wash my clothes?"  
  
Zim narrowed his eyes, a little offended. "What... you think I forgot?"  
  
Dib bit down on his tongue. He hadn't anticipated a reaction like that. "No, it's just that, well, you were sleeping, and I wasn't sure -"  
  
Zim frowned. "Of COURSE I washed your clothes, DIB... I'll go get them."  
  
After Zim had left the room, Dib scowled and muttered under his breath. "Note to self: Zim's cranky when he wakes up."  
  
Somewhere not far from the cleansing room, Zim unloaded an Irken machine that served as a washer and dryer combined. He draped Dib's now-clean pants, socks, boxers, shirt, and trench coat-like jacket over his right arm, grumbling. "Tch, why WOULDN'T I remember to wash his clothes? That little piece of earth filth should be grateful. ... Oy, this is beginning to sound like a pathetic human-acted soap opera..."  
  
GIR squealed loudly and flew out of what seemed to be nowhere but Zim disregarded his entrance, having long ago grown used to the robot's uncanny ability to appear and disappear at the most inopportune time. GIR turned off his jets and landed on his rear by Zim's feet with a familiar clang. The irate Irken looked down at his companion apathetically, noticing that he was carrying a plastic container full of peculiar looking cookies. He studied it for a moment, then gaped at his servant. "Isn't that the same piece of Tupperware that I brought from Dib's house?"  
  
GIR laughed deliriously and jumped to his feet, causing the contents of the Tupperware (and his near-empty head) to rattle. "I MADE 'EM FOR GAZZY!"  
  
Zim reached down and snatched the plastic container from GIR's metallic grasp. He held it up to his face and peered inside, then drew back in disgust. "OH GIR, YOU DIDN'T EVEN RINSE OUT THE GRAVY!"  
  
"... That was gravy?" GIR tilted his head to the side, obviously confused and slightly disappointed.  
  
Zim sighed, handed GIR the cookies and walked back to his room with GIR at his heels. When he reached his personal living quarters he helped Dib get dressed (hehe, mental image =D ) in silence, then led him and the robot toward the elevator. Once inside, Zim cleared his throat and looked over at Dib guiltily. "Uh... Dib, I'm... sorry for sleeping so long, if I knew I was that tired I would've set an alarm..."  
  
Dib smiled a bit, subconsciously taking Zim's apology for everything that had ever happened between them. "It's okay, GIR kept me pretty busy for most of the day, and then I... heh, well, I took a little nap next to ya..." Dib blushed and looked down, finding that his actions were a lot harder to explain than to perform.  
  
Zim smiled, grabbed his antenna and pulled it down the side of his face shyly as the elevator stopped and opened its doors for its load to exit through. GIR was the first to crawl up through the trash bin passageway, then Zim, who helped Dib up. But instead of releasing his hand afterwards, Zim held onto it tightly and led Dib over to the refrigerator. He opened it with his free claw and looked over to Dib in an attempt to make conversation. "So... what did you and GIR do while I slept, anyway?"  
  
Dib peered at the refrigerator's contents, noticing its lack of food and abundance of beverages. "Well, I helped him make the cookies - Oh! That reminds me." Dib writhed his hand out of Zim's clutches and searched the kitchen. "Now where did I put them?"  
  
Zim glanced over at Dib with one eyebrow raised, then ducked into the refrigerator and pushed his claw around cans of earthly sodas and juices. He figured that whatever Dib was looking for would be revealed to him soon enough, so in the meantime he concentrated on finding a drink that appealed to him.  
  
... But that wasn't the only thing on his mind; a constant itch to tell Dib what Zim had planned on saying earlier made itself known, and the Irken cringed in distress. He didn't want to break the quickly growing bond between himself and the human, but Zim's mission deserved full attention, and becoming attached to Dib would undoubtedly throw him off track, if not fully prevent the destruction of the human race. Zim heaved a deep, troubled sigh and let his eyes fall, failing to find anything good in the refrigerator. "Dib, I must tell you something..."  
  
"Oh, yeah?" Barely listening, the human disappeared into the living room on his quest to find... well... to find whatever he was looking for.  
  
Zim's ruby eyes never left the open refrigerator. "... Dib, I'm well aware of the fact that you humans believe that the short time you have on this planet shouldn't revolve around employment, but my race conflicts with that notion. You see, I've been raised in conjunction with the career chosen for me at a young age. My job as an invader has been, and will continue to be, my top priority throughout life, and this particular mission is most important because it ensures the quality of my life in the future... I can't let anything or... well, anyONE come between me and my line of work, so... I think that you and I should -"  
  
Zim's attempt to make things "normal" again was interrupted by a plate of almost-edible cookies being thrust under his teary stare. Startled, Zim looked up and turned to face the keeper of the cookies.  
  
Dib blushed and looked away. "I made them for you with the dough that was left-over from GIR's batch of cookies... sorry if they taste bad, I'm no good when it comes to remembering the measurements of the ingredients..."  
  
Zim observed the cookies on the plate blankly, relieved that Dib apparently hadn't been tuned-in to the one-sided conversation, but also upset that he hadn't been able to get his point across. His antennae went all... droppy and his eyes filled with even more tears as he took Dib's gracious offering and smiled lightly. "... Thank you Dib... that was very thoughtful..."  
  
Dib cocked his head and wrinkled his nose, bewildered at the emotions he saw playing on Zim's face. "... You're welcome, it's no problem, but... what's wrong?"  
  
Zim's eyes fluttered, blinking away the all-too-obvious teardrops. "W- what? Silly human, I don't know what you're talking about..." The Irken looked down at the refrigerator's selection and waved his free claw at an untouched 6-pack of Poop Cola. "... Want some?"  
  
"Hmm, okay! I'll take it with me on the way to my house... hey, Zim, do you got any fancy spying, climbing, breaking-and-entering... stuff that we can use?" Dib reached for the 6-pack and tried to yank one of the cans from the plastic rings that connected them all, but failed pathetically.  
  
Zim carefully placed the plate of cookies on the table, reminding himself to consider eating a couple when they got back. "I've got all we need right here." He reached over his shoulder and pat his utility pack.  
  
Dib finally managed to free the can of Poop from its plastic captor, but somehow got his hand tangled in the collective. He glanced over at Zim nervously, as if asking for help with his eyes, but the alien didn't notice. Instead, he marched over to the open doorway between the kitchen and the living room and raised a shaking fist, speaking to ears that really couldn't hear him at that moment. "Oh, you sleep well now, flimsy beast of all that is spooky, but I assure you that when you wake in the morn and do not find proof of what your betraying eyes have seen, you're pitiful existence will be shaken, as that is the sign of your defeat! And now..."  
  
Zim sported a dramatic pose while pointing in the air. "TO THE... the, uh, um, FRONT DOOR! YES! MUHAHAHAHAHA! ... HAH... hehe... meeehhh..."  
  
Dib leaped to stand next to Zim with a hand on his hip, his head held high, and... five leaky cans of soda hanging at his side. Zim eyed the cans, then looked at Dib quizzically. The human's determined grin faded and he shrugged unevenly, the weight of the soda cans effecting his left shoulder. Simultaneously, the two boys casually walked into the living room.  
  
"Whatcha doooin' master?" GIR spoke up suddenly from his spot on the couch.  
  
Zim sighed and kept walking across the room, speaking in a singsong voice. "None of your business, GIR."  
  
GIR hopped off the couch curiously, dragging the Tupperware that he had used as a booster seat behind him. "Where you going?"  
  
Dib hurried to try and keep Zim from answering, but the Irken pushed him away in slight vexation... accidentally causing Dib to fall over. (If this were a script and not a story, Dib would be off camera.) "OOF!"  
  
Zim glanced down at Dib without expression, then turned to face his dotty associate. "We're going to Dib's house."  
  
GIR suddenly became a lot more interested in his master's destination. "OO OO! I wanna come I WANNA COME!"  
  
Zim's face fell as he slowly realized why Dib had tried to quiet his response seconds earlier. He looked down at Dib apologetically and offered him a claw. Dib reached for it with a scowl and pulled himself up, almost grateful because the fall had loosened his hand from the plastic soda ring things.  
  
Zim glowered down at the defunct SIR unit and made his voice effectively stern. "No. You'll just ruin everything."  
  
GIR uttered several panicked whimpers and gasps. He held up the gravy- glazed plastic container of chocolate cookies desperately. "But master, the piggies!"  
  
Zim shook his head.  
  
GIR whimpered and stared up at his master pleadingly, tears forming in his eyes-that-you-would-think-wouldn't-be-able-to-water. Zim's glare softened to a surrendering gaze and he made several angry breathy-noises to show his discontent. "Oh fine, GIR, you can come -"  
  
"YAY!"  
  
"... On ONE condition."  
  
GIR blinked. "But I already turned off the AC."  
  
"GIR! This is serious. Listen. You must be ex-teREM-ally QUIET! And you must do whatever I tell you, is that understood?"  
  
Dib spoke up timidly. "Zim, that was two conditions..."  
  
"Yes." GIR smiled proudly. "Whatever YOU tell me."  
  
A surprised smile formed on the alien's green lips. "Okay GIR! Now come on."  
  
GIR stayed where he was as Zim and Dib headed out the door. Zim paused and turned around, wondering why he couldn't sense his assistant's presence. When he saw that GIR was still standing in the middle of the living room floor, he folded his arms across his chest and narrowed his eyes. "GIR?"  
  
The robot grinned ignorantly. "Yes, my lord?"  
  
"We're leaving now. Get out here."  
  
GIR continued to stand there with that unconscious smile.  
  
"GIR. COME. HERE." Zim tapped the ground with his boot.  
  
GIR just stared at his master expectantly.  
  
Dib grumbled impatiently. "GIR, come on!"  
  
The robot immediately obeyed and stood between the human and the Irken.  
  
Zim looked down at GIR, then up at Dib, down at GIR, up at Dib, down at GIR, up at Dib, who just shrugged, and down at GIR, who squeaked innocently. Zim emitted a choleric snort, closed the door and... shrieked?  
  
"MY LAWN GNOMES! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LAWN GNOMES?!" Zim gaped at the sight of multicolored metal shards distributed across his lawn and walkway.  
  
GIR held up his hand. "OO! OO! I know!"  
  
Zim looked down at GIR zealously. "Good job GIR! Now, what happened? Share your knowledge about the cause of this demolition with ZIIIM!"  
  
GIR opened his mouth to speak, then snapped it shut with a frown. "... I just said dat so you'd be happy. I forgot what happened."  
  
Zim yanked on his antennae and groaned, then dropped his hands at his sides with a faint slapping sound. "I give up on you, GIR."  
  
Dib studied the only lawn gnome that was still intact, yet crushed up against the side of the house near the door. "... You don't suppose Gaz could have done this, do you?"  
  
Zim shuddered in reply. "Oh, she will pay dearly... c'mon Dib, let's go."  
  
As if on cue, the unlikely team pounded down the walkway steps and through the exit in the fence. GIR ran after them, hollering with fear of being left behind.  
  
The luminous glow from the streetlights reflected off the patches of dark gray clouds that ominously hung in the otherwise violet sky. A cold breeze blew across the barren streets, causing Dib's teeth to chatter inside his mouth as the wind whipped the tail of his coat around. 'It couldn't have been this cold last night...'  
  
Zim's steady sprint didn't seem to be effected by the low temperature. He was used to conditions far colder than that of which he was functioning in then. But when Dib and GIR started falling behind, he slowed to a jog out of consideration for Dib's health, and soon found himself stopping all together because GIR had cheerfully announced that he left the cookies back at the base. Despite Zim's frustration, he let GIR go back for them.  
  
Dib folded his trench coat-like jacket around his belly and coughed hoarsely. "I shouldn't have ran..."  
  
Zim looked at Dib sympathetically. "Human, you shouldn't have even come. You're still sick."  
  
"It's just a little cold, no bi -" Dib choked on his words and leaned forward in pain as a numerous number of harsh coughs escaped his sore throat.  
  
Zim helped Dib upright and wrapped his arms around him, wincing as he felt Dib's body rattle with each cough. He ran his claws up and down Dib's back and through his hair soothingly.  
  
Dib's coughing fit receded, leaving him out of breath, teary-eyed and sore. He closed his eyes and seemed to wilt in Zim's securing hold. The alien's gentle caressing reminded Dib of what his mother would do whenever he couldn't stop choking. He found it weird that Zim had so many of his mother's qualities, but he wasn't about to complain.  
  
Zim pulled Dib away and rubbed his shoulders and upper arms vigorously in an attempt to keep him warm. "Dib, why are you always so cold?"  
  
Dib shrugged and abruptly sneezed on Zim, not having a chance to cover his mouth and nose. Zim yelped and backed away fearfully just as GIR came trotting down the sidewalk, singing loudly and dragging the Tupperware behind him. "Them country boys on the riiise with them big fat wheels on the siiide peep the vertical grills on the riiide and aww-awww-awwww- awwwww!"  
  
Zim waved his claws frantically and made shhing noises. "GIR, be quiet! We're not in our disguises, remember?"  
  
GIR observed Zim's body, then looked himself over. "... Master! We're not in our disguises!"  
  
"I knew it was a bad idea to bring you along. Now hurry up, it's already midnight."  
  
As the three of them neared Dib's house, Dib looked over at Zim questioningly, suddenly realizing something. "Hey! How did you tell the time without a watch?"  
  
"It's sort of internal, a new feature I programmed in just last week." Zim pointed to his Irken Utility Pack.  
  
GIR smiled. "'Tickity-tockity,' said the moose!"  
  
They finally arrived on Dib's lawn. Zim looked up at the unlit windows, rubbing his chin with his claw. "Which one belongs to your horrible sibling?"  
  
Dib pointed up at the window on the far left of the building. "That one. How are we gonna get up there?"  
  
"Leave that to me." Zim grinned evilly and his spidery-leggy-extensiony- thingys popped out of his utility pack, making little crunching mechanical noises as they did so. GIR grabbed one of them and pulled as hard as he could. Zim looked down at his servant, growling. "ARGH, GIR, what is it NOW?"  
  
The robot pointed at the front door with rare pellucidity. "You can just go through there."  
  
Dib stared at GIR unbelievably. "Tch, and ruin the plot? Geez... c'mon Zim."  
  
GIR shrugged and played with the antenna on his head like he had no idea it was there before while Dib walked over to the side of the house and stood directly under Gaz's window. Zim followed, using his mechanical legs to hang above Dib. He reached down, plucked Dib off the ground and held him tightly to his body. "Ready?"  
  
"Just be quiet..." Dib's voice quavered slightly as the severity of the dooming he would receive if Gaz found out suddenly made itself clear to him.  
  
Zim nodded and crawled up the side of Dib's house almost silently. Dib breathed a sigh of relief as they reached the top, but that relief was dashed when Zim let out a blood-curdling scream. "IEEE WHAT IS THAT?!"  
  
Dib waved his arms above him, trying to silence the Irken's horrified shouts, but this caused Zim to lose his balance and he started to fall backwards. Dib yelped, pushed himself up off of Zim's tumbling body and managed to cling to the windowsill. Zim landed on the ground below with a nauseating 'CRUNCH'.  
  
Dib looked down at Zim, concerned, but that proved to be a mistake as Dib's fingers slipped and sent him plummeting as well. He landed on Zim, forcing a strangled grunt out of him. Dib groaned and rolled off. "GREAT. Gaz couldn't have possibly slept through that!"  
  
*Inside the house*  
  
Gaz stepped out of the bathroom with the sound of a toilet flushing behind her as she walked into her room, picking at a wedgie sleepily.  
  
*Back outside*  
  
Dib got up and looked down at Zim angrily. "What was THAT all about?!"  
  
The alien sat up slowly, breathing irregularly from shock. "T-that THING! Up there! It was so vile! So horrendous! It makes me make little... sicky... noises."  
  
Zim made his claws twitch and shuddered; the movement reminding him of what he saw. Dib rolled his eyes. "Show me what it was."  
  
Zim gasped and hugged his knees, shaking his head frantically. "Nuh uh, you go look yourself!"  
  
"Oh, okay Zim, I'll just get out my mechanical sticky leg things and crawl on up." Dib smirked and made little walking motions with his fingers.  
  
"But you don't have any." Zim cocked his head to the side.  
  
Dib grumbled and helped Zim up. "Take me up there, and this time, DON'T scream."  
  
Zim whimpered but got up and carried Dib up to Gaz's window again, this time a little slower than before. When he reached the top he bit his bottom lip and looked away. Dib titled his head to see what Zim found so terrifying and chuckled when he found out.  
  
"... A spider, Zim?! You're THAT scared of a SPIDER?!"  
  
Zim scoffed but couldn't hide his pained expression. "Of course not!"  
  
Dib laughed and reached up to grab the large spider on the windowsill. "Are you suuure?"  
  
Zim squeaked and scuttled off to the side, getting the arachnid out of Dib's reach. "No no please don't justgetitaway!"  
  
Dib laughed harder. For some strange reason, he was thoroughly enjoying torturing Zim. ... Actually, who wouldn't? "Man, it's not even that big!"  
  
"What do you MEAN, 'it's not even that big'?! It's HUGE!" Zim's lower lip trembled as he glanced at the spiderweb on Gaz's windowsill.  
  
"I mean, look!" Dib pointed to one of Zim's mechanical legs. "You've got creepy crawly legs just like that spider does!"  
  
Zim snarled and dug his claws into Dib's sides. "This is completely different."  
  
"Eep!" Dib squirmed in discomfort, his sides still sore from Zim clawing at them earlier. "Zim, cut it out, I was only playing!"  
  
Zim loosened his grip, but not enough to drop him.  
  
"I'm sorry Zim. Take me over to the window and I'll kill the spider, okay?"  
  
Zim whined a little bit in a childish way. "You aren't gonna throw it on me or anything?"  
  
Dib shook his head, still amused with the fact that Zim suffered from arachniphobia when he was actually pretty spider-like himself. "No Zim, I promise I won't. We're here for a reason; I'm just as determined to get that film as you are."  
  
Zim uttered a nervous groan, crawled over to the window once again and closed his eyes when Dib reached up and squashed the spider with the palm of his hand. He wiped the gutsy remains on the windowsill and pried the window open softly, breaking up the sticky web where the spider had resided. After Dib peeked inside to make sure Gaz was still asleep, he hoisted himself up into the dark room with Zim's assistance. But before Dib could venture any future into the room, Zim reached forward, grabbed the human by the collar of his trench coat-like jacket and pulled him near. He leaned forward and whispered in Dib's ear urgently. "Make this quick, I don't want you to sneeze or cough and wake up that demon you call a sister. ... Besides, I can only hang from a position like this for so long until my back starts hurting, and my previous fall didn't help matters any."  
  
Dib nodded understandingly and Zim let go. The human stood there motionless for a few seconds, giving his eyes a chance to adjust to the lack of light. Then he cautiously walked over to Gaz's bureau. After pawing through the items on top of the dresser, Dib opened the first drawer and rummaged through it. He pulled out a prissy-looking training bra and held it up for Zim to see.  
  
Zim snorted and whispered just loud enough for Dib to hear, "But she doesn't even need it!"  
  
Dib smirked and put the lacy black undergarment back into the drawer, then continued to search through it.  
  
Meanwhile, GIR had gotten bored of his appendage and took his gift to Gaz inside, using his ingenious idea of going through the almost always- unlocked front door. Even GIR wasn't too stupid to interpret that nighttime = sleep, so he benevolently left the container of cookies on the kitchen table and tiptoed out of the house, giggling quietly to himself.  
  
'Gah, he's taking too long...' Zim could almost hear the fibers of his back muscles being torn by the spikes of his utility pack. He leaned forward, grunting in pain as he leveled his body over the windowsill and retracted his spidery-leggy-extensiony-thingys in order to relieve the strain. He stared at Dib's rosy silhouette as it moved around the dark room frantically.  
  
After searching through a few more drawers and over a couple more shelves, Dib padded across the floor toward Zim with a panicked expression. "Zim, I can't find it anywhere."  
  
The Irken's face screwed up in disbelief, anger, worry and discomfort. "You didn't look hard enough!"  
  
"You saw me, Zim! I looked everywhere!"  
  
Zim frowned, knowing that there wasn't a place in Gaz's room that Dib hadn't ransacked. "Do you think she put it somewhere else in your house?"  
  
A gleam of hope shined in Dib's honey eyes, showing even through the dark. "Maybe! Look, I'll go downstairs and check. Meet me at the front door."  
  
Zim nodded, activated his mechanical legs and scampered down the wall, hissing through his teeth from the pain that his utility pack was inflicting.  
  
Dib opened Gaz's door softly and walked out into the hall, deciding that it wasn't worth the risk to try and close it without Gaz awaking. He ran down the stairs with unusual grace and began to hunt for the camera or the film in the living room.  
  
GIR blew a playful raspberry as Zim slogged over to Dib's doorstep and sat down beside the robot with a sigh. The two sat in silence for a few moments until Dib came through the front door and nearly tripped over them. GIR smiled up at Dib obliviously while Zim stood up, expecting to see the film in the human's hand. When he didn't, his face fell and he stared at Dib questioningly with an abject aspect.  
  
Dib shrugged, looking just as forlorn. "I couldn't find it. Either she already took the film to get developed or she did a real good job of hiding the camera..."  
  
Zim furrowed his nonexistent brows in thought.  
  
"... Zim... Gaz doesn't play around when it comes to things like this... she's really going to get that picture to circulate around skool... we're gonna get bullied 100 times more than we already do... Zim, are you listening? ... Don't you get it? Don't you care?!"  
  
Zim clenched his fists at his sides and snarled. "Of course I get it, Dib! Of course I care! All I've worked for - ruined! ... And it's all because of you!"  
  
Dib gawked. "ME?! How is something like that MY fault?! It's not like I MADE you... you... you know..."  
  
"But that's just the thing! You did! You horrible, retched, tempting human! My mission is ruined because of you! How can I conquer this planet when you're making me have feelings for you?!"  
  
Dib looked down at the cement shyly and guiltily. Zim's anger quickly turned into the same guilt and awkwardness that Dib felt and he looked away as well. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault. It's just... frustrating."  
  
"... And confusing..." Dib glanced up at Zim meekly.  
  
Zim nodded with a tiny smile. "Do you want to come back to my house? This sounds like a problem we should just sleep on; I'm sure there's more we can do to keep those filthy children from viewing that photograph. We'll come up with something."  
  
"Alright..." Dib grinned uncertainly through his anxiousness and followed Zim toward his base. Neither of them bothered to see if GIR was coming or not.  
  
*The next day.*  
  
Gaz finished brushing her teeth and thundered down the stairs, her mouth curled up in an exhilarated smile. She ran into the kitchen and bounced around her father eagerly, who was most likely working on something "very important". Under normal circumstances, the professor wouldn't have set his experimental lima beans aside for his daughter, but the peculiarity of Gaz's actions made his one-track mind focus on his child for a good four minutes out of curiosity and concern. "Well well, you're certainly in an abnormally cheerful mood! I wish Dib were here; you're walking proof that video games are good for children!"  
  
Gaz stopped hopping about giddily and shook her head. "No, Dad, that's not it."  
  
"It's not?!" Prof. Membrane dropped his scientific tools... well, more like kitchen utensils, in this case... and bent down to Gaz's level. He pulled down her lower eyelids and observed them intently. "Have you been neglecting your gaming system, young lady?"  
  
Gaz turned away in annoyance and rubbed her watery eyes, then remembered why she had bothered her father in the first place. With a hopeful smile, she faced Prof. Membrane once again. "Dad, did you get the pictures developed yesterday like I asked you to?"  
  
"Ah yes, the photos! They should be right over there on the kitchen table. I had someone develop them in the darkroom at the studio while I was recording my show. Now, if you'll excuse me, daughter dear, this portion of the procedure is extremely volatile and potentially dangerous!" Prof. Membrane leaned over the kitchen counter, gripping a baster over his head menacingly.  
  
Gaz trotted over to the kitchen table, deciding that it was best not to question the being of a darkroom in a television studio. But before she saw the stack of photos where her father said they would be, she noticed a plastic container full of grotesque looking unknown objects. Gaz stared at the Tupperware's contents for a moment before inquiring, "Dad, what IS this?"  
  
"Hmm?" Prof. Membrane looked over his shoulder; some green beans strewn across what little of his face he exposed. "Oh, those are cookies! Found them out here when I came home. ... I thought YOU made them!"  
  
"What?" Gaz sounded insulted. "You actually think I would make something so -"  
  
"Delicious? Of course sweetheart! I never underestimate your abilities as a common housewife."  
  
Gaz rose a brow, then grunted. With one quick swipe of her forearm, she pushed the plastic container off the table. It tumbled across the floor, opened and sent 9 gravy-doused chocolate cookies shaped as pigs skidding across the floor.  
  
Prof. Membrane turned around, alarmed with the commotion, and frowned at the sight, though you couldn't tell through the collar of his lab coat. "Aww Gaz, I wasn't done eating those..."  
  
Gaz ignored her father's complaint and snatched the envelope of pictures, which had been behind the plastic container of cookies. She snickered excitedly, turned, ran out of the kitchen and hopped up on the couch in the living room. Sitting cross-legged in the middle of the couch, she opened the package and dumped the photos in front of her, then proceeded to sort through them hastily. Pictures that her brother had obviously taken made up the majority of the film; she could tell because they displayed Zim's house from an assortment of angles and viewpoints. Gaz growled. "Dib used my camera again."  
  
When she got to the last of the pictures and didn't find what she was looking for, a worried look occupied Gaz's face and she flipped through the photos again, this time more carefully. After going through the entire assortment of photos another four times, and was sure of the fact that the picture she had taken of Dib and Zim in the tub wasn't there, she prepared to yell at her father. But before she could open her mouth, a dreadful thought popped into her mind. Gaz's eyes widened in disbelief and anguish as she jumped down from the couch and walked up to her room slowly, aiming to confirm her intuition.  
  
Once upstairs and in her room, Gaz retrieved the camera from the one place she was sure it would be safe; on her bed, wrapped up in covers, up against the wall. Her eyes grew even wider, this time from fury, as she saw that the lens cap had never been removed. Her cheekbone twitched unsteadily as she shuddered and tightened her grip around the camera, causing it to crack and moan under the pressure. "This... can't... be... happening... NOW how am I supposed to make Dib's life a living realm of eternal screaming and restlessness?! Huh? Huh? HUH?! ... Aww man!"  
  
*Outside in Gaz's Neighboring Front Yard...*  
  
An old lady squat down beside a flowerbed, humming cheerfully while pulling up bothersome weeds and tossing them over her shoulder. A SLR camera flew out of Gaz's window and knocked the lady upside the head without warning. She hollered out in pain, spun around and fells, face first, into the pile of weeds.  
  
*Back Inside Gaz's Room*  
  
Gaz murmured about brother angrily and slammed the window shut, unaware of the immobile old lady below and the siren that could be heard wailing down the street. She sat down on her bed, leaned her elbows against her knees and cupped her chin in her hands, thinking about some other way she could make Dib miserable.  
  
"Aww, don't be sad! I picked up the cookies you dropped! They're still good!"  
  
Gaz looked up, thoroughly dismayed.  
  
There was GIR, standing on the foot of Gaz's bed, holding a greasy, gravy- dabbed chocolate cookie in each hand. He smiled sympathetically and handed one to her.  
  
Gaz blinked. "Wait, how did you - Arg, nevermind. ... And I don't want a cookie."  
  
"Sure ya do! Now open wiiide!"  
  
GIR shoved the piggy in Gaz's face and literally forced it down her throat. Gagging, Gaz grabbed the robot by his antenna and pulled him away. "I HATE YOU!"  
  
GIR frowned.  
  
"Why don't you go mess with Zim and Dib?" Gaz placed GIR on the floor and urged him to leave by nudging him with her foot. "Make them get mad at each other or something."  
  
"Is that what you want?" GIR turned around and looked up at Gaz apathetically.  
  
The little girl growled impatiently and wiped droplets of gravy away from her lips. "Yeah, yeah, okay, sure. Now just go."  
  
GIR saluted and went into serious mode, then activated his jets and flew out of the room.  
  
But... just HOW serious was he about Gaz's request...?  
  
  
  
Hope you enjoyed that... a little lengthy, eh? Ah well. So, how should GIR fulfill Gaz's wish? Here are your choices, o' trustworthy admirers!  
  
Should he tell Zim that Dib is planning on destroying his lab through reverse-technology (not in that exact wording, of course.)...?  
  
Should he tell Dib that Zim is only 'with' him to distract the human from the impending doom that Zim is going to unleash on earth...?  
  
Should he get into Zim's lab, make a mess of everything and blame it on Dib...?  
  
Should he throw something at Dib and blame it on Zim...? And if so, what should GIR throw?  
  
I know a couple of these choices don't seem like a big deal, but you know Zim and Dib; they'll undoubtedly blow it out of proportion!  
  
Hopefully the next chapter won't take so long... anyways, thanks for reading everybody! G'night!  
  
... Oh, it's three in the afternoon. Right. Heh.  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


	14. Mission Status Pending Nachos

As we all know, fanfiction.net has been the spootiest spoot of all spootdom (you like, no?). So forgive me for not being able to update sooner.  
  
Since I'm on vacation right now and unable to update, this chapter is benevolently being brought to you by Kichara! Woooo! Ain't she the spiffiest? Everyone thank Kichara for updating for me! I was going to put the chapter up before I left but ff.net was, of course, not working. So I gave her all the details and she did it while I was gone. Aww. Just so you can read and be happy like the happiness centers of earth-children's brains. Meehee!  
  
You all gave really good suggestions in the reviews but since I couldn't get to them for reference I had to use my own idea as to what GIR threw at Dib! Hope you guys don't mind... I thought this chapter worked out nicely with what I chose anyway (it just fit so well)! If you're a prep or if you act like one of the girls portrayed in this chapter, I'm sorry if I offended you in any way, shape or form... umn... let's see, what else... oh, Jessie, I never got a chance to read your fic, "*ZIMSYNC", because every time I tried to check it out either ff.net wasn't working at all, was horrifically slow or the search engine didn't work so I couldn't find it... don't worry, I'll get around to it sooner or later, I'm just sorry it's taking so long for me to be able to read it!  
  
Anyways, I hope you like this chapter! I'm trying to work this story up to a second climax... wait... did that sound wrong to you? Hmm...  
  
  
  
Zim stood up with the sound of the siren coming from the bowels of his base and ran to the nearest transmitting screen. He pressed a few buttons and watched nervously as his two leaders appeared.  
  
"Zim, you haven't been giving us daily reports like you usually do..." Red pressed his claws together and eyed Zim suspiciously.  
  
"Yes, and... wait. Isn't that a good thing?" Purple scratched behind his antenna and turned to face his partner.  
  
Red glared and whispered urgently. "YES. But Zim doesn't know that. Now keep your mouth shut."  
  
Purple crossed his arms and pouted while Red looked down at Zim's blank face through the monitor. "Well? Do you have a good reason as to WHY you haven't kept in touch? Something wrong?"  
  
Before Zim could come to his defense, Purple spoke up hopefully. "Something fatal?"  
  
Red elbowed Purple inconspicuously.  
  
Zim cleared his throat guiltily and looked off to the side. "Well, you see, My Tallests... uh... I've... just been... reeeaaally busy! Yes! Concocting another one of my brilliant schemes to conquer this wretched, pitiful excuse for a planet!"  
  
Red sighed, exasperated. "Another one?"  
  
"This isn't anything like your efforts with that large hair monster, is it?" Purple put his hands on his hips and cocked his head to the side.  
  
"Or that spaceship-like planet?" Red added.  
  
"Or those cow monsters?"  
  
"Or the Megadoomer?"  
  
"Or that robot-boy and the power... plant... thing... I guess?"  
  
Zim looked offended, but shook it off and held up a reassuring claw. "No, this plan is guaranteed to be a success, my Tallests."  
  
But his leaders went on like they had never heard Zim at all.  
  
"Or that bus and the moose?"  
  
"Or that fast food facility?"  
  
Red furrowed his brows and put a claw up to his chin. "Come to think of it, ALL of your plans have failed to go as... planned."  
  
"Yeah..." Purple imitated his fellow ruler's actions.  
  
Zim's face fell. "My Tallests, those were all just minor setbacks, I assure you! I'll do better -"  
  
Red shook his head. "Mmnope. Nah, I think you're just not capable of this mission, Zim. ... Although, Invader Ki over here is more than eager to assist, if not, take your job, seeing as how your progress has been pathetic so far..."  
  
A slightly short and heavyset female Irken with orange eyes suddenly appeared on Zim's monitor. She smiled cheerfully. "Hi-iii person-who's- going-to-lose-their-mission-to-me!"  
  
"What?!" Zim gawked and clung to the edge of the control panel. "No, my Tallests! Give me another chance!"  
  
The transmission returned to focus on the Tallests once again as Purple snickered. "Nope. Sorry Zim. You're being... umn..."  
  
Red glanced at Purple. "... Dropped?"  
  
"Yes! Dropped! From your duties as an Irken Invader! Uh... you might as well just stay there and... do stuff."  
  
Red smirked. "Yeah, you're not needed anymore, Zim. In fact, now that we think of it..."  
  
Red and Purple smiled cheerfully and spoke in unison. "... YOU NEVER REALLY WERE!"  
  
The transmission ended. Zim looked up, raised his fists in the air and let out a desperate cry. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO -"  
  
"- OOOOOOOOOOOO!" Zim kicked the covers off his body and swung at the air for a few seconds before sitting up in his bed. Gasping for air, he looked around his room warily as if giving reality a chance to sink in. He sighed and put a claw up to his forehead. "Just a dream... heh... I... I should've known that's all it'd be... I mean, the Tallests would never do that to me... heh... I am Ziiim... heh heh... oh man..."  
  
GIR stepped into the room, no longer in serious mode. "Aww, did master wet da bed?"  
  
Zim laughed weakly and stood up. "No GIR, I had a dream... well... more like a nightmare, but -"  
  
"What's a dream?"  
  
Zim sighed and rubbed the sleepers from his eyes. "It's when you see images in your mind while you're sleeping. Dreams are good images and nightmares are bad. You can't dream, because you're just a robot."  
  
GIR smiled. "But I dreamed last night that you and Dib were kissing and touching and doing weird looking things -"  
  
"You... you saw that?" Zim's jaw dropped.  
  
"... You had that dream too?!"  
  
"... No, GIR, that... wasn't a dream, that was... experimenting." Zim blushed and looked down sheepishly as he pictured events from the night before. He and Dib had managed to perform in positions the far-from- innocent-Irken didn't even think possible.  
  
GIR stared at his master thoughtfully as a boom box extended from his head. A song by R. Kelly started to play and GIR sang along. "... I dun see nothin' wrong with a little bump n' grind..."  
  
Zim's eyes widened in embarrassment and he scrambled to push the boom box back into his silly servant's head. After the music had ceased, he sat down and looked around, just then realizing that the human wasn't in his room. "Where'd Dib go?"  
  
GIR sat down as well and started picking at the thick carpet below him. "Church!"  
  
"'Church'?" Zim glanced down at the activity GIR was participating in with a confused look on his face. "Where's 'church'?"  
  
GIR shrugged. "I dunnooo... I wanted to go with but he said no."  
  
Zim looked back up at his SIR unit. "... Did he say whether or not he would return?"  
  
GIR shrugged again, but this time didn't attach any sort of answer to his silent reply.  
  
Zim stood up and walked out the door. He made his way down the hall slowly, his curiosity about what Dib was up to not being able to cover up the emptiness he felt so suddenly. 'I guess I kinda forgot what it was like to be alone, besides GIR being around...'  
  
Zim walked into... that... one place where he was lowered into in "The Nightmare Begins" and "FBI Warning of Doom" (you know, don't act like you don't *L*) and had a seat. After pressing a few buttons on the console he looked up at the Irken writing on the screen and asked, "Computer, where is 'church'?"  
  
"... Where?"  
  
"Yes. Where."  
  
"Um... can't you just ask a different question, or something... like maybe... 'WHAT is church?'"  
  
Zim sighed. "But I don't care WHAT it is, I just want to know WHERE it is!"  
  
"But..."  
  
"WHERE!"  
  
"... Okay... um... there's a church only a couple streets from here."  
  
"Only a couple? Really?" Zim looked a little surprised as if he had thought of a church to be far away.  
  
The computer sounded restless. "Uhhh huuuh..."  
  
"Okay, I guess my next question would be... WHAT is church?"  
  
The computer murmured in exasperation. "Church is a building where people of the same religion, especially Christian, can come together in profession of a Higher Power and anything relating to their faith."  
  
Zim's eyes widened. "Humans practice religion? I didn't know that... Christian? Is Dib Christian?"  
  
"You're asking me?"  
  
"... Are there other religions?"  
  
"Christianity is one of earth's major religions, along with Islam, Buddhism, Judaism, Hinduism, Sikhism, and others."  
  
Zim blinked. "Numerous religions? Stupid humans and their odd ways... well, what do they each practice?"  
  
The computer groaned. "I don't wanna explaaaiiin..."  
  
Zim snarled and hopped down from his eccentric chair. "Fine, whatever. I'll just ask Dib when he comes back... IF he comes back..."  
  
Dib walked home from church, alone as usual. He had asked Gaz if she wanted to come along many times, but her answer was always, "Dib, if God is everywhere, why do I need to go to church to be in His presence?"  
  
"But Gaz, you don't NEED to go to church to be in His presence -"  
  
"Exactly."  
  
But even if Gaz had decided to go with Dib this time, he'd still be walking alone...  
  
He had left early because hearing Pastor Chuck talk about repentance made him uncomfortable. He didn't want to think about his sins and his relationship with God right then and there because he knew he wasn't about to repent anytime soon, if he and Zim could help it, anyways.  
  
Dib sighed and looked down. He knew that he was feeling a lot more guilt than what it was really worth, but he couldn't help it. He was deliberately disobeying his Father's requests, and according to Dib that deserved all the guilt his conscious could build up.  
  
Dib looked over at Zim's house as he passed the cul-de-sac and hesitated before turning and walking toward it. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go home and have time to sort through his thoughts or go over Zim's and allow his spiritual predicament to no longer be an issue for the time being. But he needed to get his Bible and sheet back from GIR, if anything.  
  
"WEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" GIR bounced up on the couch and reached for the nearby remote. He bit down on his tongue as if trying to contain his self-generated excitement and pressed the power button. The tube kindly displayed a group of typical teenagers hanging out at skool. GIR flailed happily and proceeded to stare at the show mindlessly until the doorbell rang. The undisguised robot frowned but got up and answered the door.  
  
Dib looked down at GIR and forced a smile. "Hello there... uh... can I come in?"  
  
"Weeellllll..." GIR rubbed his pretty much nonexistent chin critically. "Only if you can tell me da seeeeeecret passssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss... word."  
  
Dib growled and threw his hands up in the air. He didn't feel like dealing with GIR and his little games. "Oh, come on! This is ridiculous! Just let me in! Or at least get Zim for me!"  
  
GIR smiled blankly for quite some time before gasping and exclaiming in an amazed tone: "THAT'S IT! How'd you know?!"  
  
Dib blinked.  
  
GIR's eyes suddenly glowed red and his voice got deeper as he put his hands behind his back and looked up at Dib approvingly. "Password received and accepted. Temporary occupant successfully admitted. The use of everything in the living room and kitchen is permitted by master Zim, the possessor and/or provider of all you see before you. So... feel free to browse. And stuff."  
  
Dib raised a brow and wrinkled his nose as he stepped around the intimidating robot through the doorway. "Right... where's Zim at?"  
  
GIR slipped back into normal mode and smiled cheerfully. "You sit riiight over dere, and I'll go getum for ya!"  
  
The cooky robot, being happy to oblige, ran down into the labs to find his master as Dib had a seat and watched the TV. When he saw what was on he crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes. Just what he needed; a bunch of over-dramatic preps and superficial jocks to worsen his mood.  
  
"Jamie ran down from the bleachers to congratulate Richard on the good game..."  
  
"Uh huh..."  
  
"... And then she started twirling her hair in front him!"  
  
"Seriously?!"  
  
"Totally! She was SO flirting with him."  
  
"Oh my God, oh my God! She can't do that to you! That's YOUR potential boyfriend, not hers!"  
  
"*Sniffles* I know. She's such a whore. Let's go spread rumors about her so everyone hates her and I can have #17 all to myself!"  
  
"Okay!"  
  
Dib shook his head and started looking around for the remote. "... I'm surprised she even knows what potential means."  
  
"Master?" GIR trotted into the bioengineering room and looked around cautiously. "Master? ... Master? Mastermastermastermastermastermaaasteeer -"  
  
"WHAT GIR?!" Zim stepped out from behind a large computer tower, holding a traumatized-looking ferret tightly in his left claw.  
  
GIR "ooo"ed at the furry creature and made groping motions with his outstretched hands. "Lemme see!"  
  
"No. This animal is very important to my experiment on propulsion." Zim disappeared behind the machine once again. The ferret's terrified screeches were heard soon after.  
  
GIR peeked around the computer, unfazed by the sight of the ferret being tortured with prods and electrodes. He pulled at the bottom of Zim's shirt to get his attention over the loud noises. Zim stopped what he was doing and looked down at his assistant with an annoyed aspect. "GIR. I'm busy. Go away."  
  
"But the Dib-worm is here!"  
  
Zim's eyes widened and he dropped his tools. The ferret looked around frantically and scampered away, but the Irken didn't seem to care. "Why didn't you tell me so in the first place, GIR?"  
  
But GIR wasn't listening. He was preoccupied with running after the injured ferret, giggling ecstatically. Zim sighed and walked out of the room.  
  
"Where is it?" Dib reached between two of the cushions on the back of the couch and fumbled around for the remote.  
  
Zim came up through the toilet and walked into the living room meekly. When he found Dib scrounging around the depths of sofa he couldn't help but to laugh. Dib looked up, startled, then smiled sheepishly.  
  
Zim titled his head to the side. "What are you doing, silly human?"  
  
Dib shrugged on impulse and paused before answering simply, "Looking for the channel-changer."  
  
Zim laughed a bit more. "It amuses me how you humans will spend so much time looking for the controller just because you refuse to get up and change the channel manually."  
  
"Oh, don't tell me YOUR race doesn't do the same thing." Dib gave a smug grin.  
  
Zim returned Dib's cocky smile. "We don't have to; our televisions are voice operated."  
  
Dib frowned and made himself comfortable on the couch. "Always trying to prove yourself better. Are you really that racist against humans?"  
  
Zim hopped up and sat next to Dib. "I wouldn't say racist... but according to my leaders, you ARE the enemy..."  
  
Dib rubbed his elbow, feeling a little awkward. "Oh..."  
  
The two watched TV in silence for a little while until Zim spoke up, sounding curious as well as a little disgusted. "Is that REALLY how teenage girls act on your planet?!"  
  
Dib laughed nervously. "I hope not."  
  
GIR cooed at the ferret in his arms as he made his way up to the first level of the base. "Aww, you dun look so good... dun worry, Dib'll fix ya up! He's nice."  
  
The charitable yet defected SIR unit walked into the elevator and commanded (well, more like asked) the computer to take him and the critter up to the house. The computer did so and soon GIR and carrying his friend up through the toilet bowl and into the living room. He stopped when he reached the side of the couch and held the limp and barely breathing ferret up to his master. Unfortunately, because of GIR's position and Zim's interest in the show, the Irken had no idea that his companion was even in the room. GIR sat down with a defeated frown, holding the animal close to his metallic chest. He decided to join Zim and Dib in watching the TV for a while, but figured that as soon as the show was over, he'd get them to help the ferret.  
  
"Can you believe it?!"  
  
"NOW what, Jamie?"  
  
"You know that little wench, Rebecca?"  
  
"Yeah, what about her?"  
  
"She told Richard and a whole bunch of things about me that are so totally untrue, and now Richard is mad at me!"  
  
GIR blinked and went into serious mode. He looked up at Zim and Dib critically, slowly remembering the request Gaz had made earlier that morning. Without thinking, GIR swung the ferret over his shoulder and flung it over Zim's head, causing it to smack up against Dib's.  
  
Dib yelped and tried to pry the hysterical creature off of his head while Zim watched impotently. GIR stood up and saluted to no one in particular before kicking back into his usual loony state. "Mission status pending... nachos!"  
  
"ARGH!" Dib shook his head wildly and finally managed to yank the ferret off of his cranium, leaving a slightly bloody mess of scratches and gouges behind. But instead of tossing the sick animal to the ground, Dib glowered at Zim and threw the creature into his lap.  
  
"HEY! Why'd you - AHHH!" Zim jumped up and tried to brush the ferret away from his groin as the critter's claws poked through his shirt and pants. Being frail from its first alarming encounter with a being, the ferret yieldingly detached itself from Zim's pelvis, bounced off the couch and started running the second it hit the floor.  
  
Everyone in the room watched silently as the creature scampered off into the kitchen until Dib turned to Zim angrily. "What's your problem?!"  
  
"MY problem?!" Zim gawked. "YOU'RE the one who threw that earth rodent thing at me for no reason!"  
  
"WHAT? Oh come on, you threw it at me first! I just threw it back!"  
  
"I didn't throw it at you!"  
  
"Well, who did?"  
  
Zim looked as if he was about to answer, but he stopped and looked behind him just in case. Sure enough, there was GIR, looking up at his master intently.  
  
Zim shook his head lividly and breathed through his teeth, expressing his exasperation at his servant. Then he turned to Dib and pointed behind the side of the couch. "It was GIR."  
  
Dib pushed Zim aside almost gently and looked over the arm of the sofa. After observing the general area that Zim had pointed out, he looked up at the confident Irken skeptically. "I don't see him."  
  
"What?" Zim hopped down from the couch and walked around to where GIR was standing before only to see that Dib was right.  
  
As Zim tried to figure out how GIR was able to get out of the room so fast without either of them noticing, Dib laughed half-heartedly and got off the sofa. "Either you're finally losing it or you're just too weak to back up your actions."  
  
Zim widened his eyes in surprise before slanting them in petulance, clearly insulted. "Even if I WAS so pathetic as to use that... that THING as a weapon, I would NEVER blame it on somebody else out of fear of you. ... And I'd never fear you, so there."  
  
"You expect me to buy that? How can I trust someone like YOU?" Dib folded his arms across his chest and scoffed.  
  
Zim's icy glare softened dramatically for a split second before he barked his reply. "FINE. Just get out of my house."  
  
Dib blinked impassively, realizing that he had hurt the alien's fairly hidden feelings. It's one thing to make someone feel bad for something they did, but it's something else entirely to actually cause them some emotional pain... especially since Zim's ridiculously high self-esteem seemed to act as a mere cover for his... strangely enough, many insecurities.  
  
"Well?" Zim put one claw on his hip and pointed to the door with the other. If Dib didn't know any better, he would've said that Zim sounded close to tears.  
  
Dib cringed, the ferret's brutal attack on his cranium starting to take effect on his senses, as well as his attempt to apologize. "Look Zim, I don't really care about the thing with the ferret, it's just that I wish you'd tell me the truth -"  
  
"GET OUT!" Zim stomped his boot against the floor and pointed at the door once again. "You stupid hapless human, I AM telling the truth and if you're too stubborn and idiotic to know that then you don't deserve to be in my presence! Now leave before I make my lawn gnomes force you to!"  
  
Dib protested meekly as he walked toward the door. "But Gaz destroyed your lawn gnomes... remember?"  
  
Zim gagged as if choking on anger, surprise and plethora all at once. "I SAID, LEAVE!"  
  
Dib couldn't help but to giggle just a bit as he scampered out the house and down the walkway. But as he made his way home, he realized that now he had two problems to worry about instead of just one.  
  
'So much for going over Zim's for some peace of mind...'  
  
  
  
Yay! I'm going back to normal with not-so-long chapters! Alright! So, what's gonna happen in the next chapter.?  
  
Should Zim and Dib make up at skool the next day *Evil grin* ...?  
  
Should Zim and Dib have some sort of fight at skool the next day (you tell me if you want it to be physical or not!)...?  
  
Should Dib find out that it was GIR's fault and try to get him out of the way... for good (key word: TRY)...?  
  
There ya go! Pick one and as soon as I get back from my vacation I'll start working on it! Thanks for being so patient!  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


	15. The Chaotic Scene of Tipped Bottles and ...

IE! Wow, you probably forgot all about this nifty li'l fic o' mine, didn't ya? DIDN'T YA?! Well, it kinda... just died on me. Writer's block with only this one story, I suppose... but once I read this whole thing from the very beginning I became inspired to bring it back from the dead! YES! Stare in awe at my rotten fic... of doom! Anyways, I'm sooo sorry for letting this fic go bye-bye for a while, hopefully I won't feel like letting it go again... please don't be mad! Be happy! YAY! You get to read the continuing madness! THE MADNESS COMMANDS YOU! Meh, yah!  
  
I remembered what you all voted for to happen from the last chapter, so here it is and I hope you enjoy!!!  
  
  
  
Zim gave a frustrated growl and stormed into the kitchen where he found his companion, sitting on the table, innocently petting the terrified ferret in his lap. GIR looked up at his master and, despite his poor brainpower, expected the worst. But Zim just sighed and continued toward the toilet, not even giving GIR so much as a glare as he muttered, "You and your shenanigans..."  
  
When Zim disappeared down the spiral of the toilet's drain, GIR grabbed the ferret by its tail and jumped off the table. He was anxious to get to Gaz's house to tell her of his victory in creating belligerency between Zim and Dib.  
  
"Hello?" Dib closed the door behind him and looked around quickly for any sign of life in his home. Prof. Membrane took a moment from his busy schedule to poke his head out of the kitchen and greet his son.  
  
"Why, hello there son! Long time no see! What have you been up to? Deeply rethinking your destiny as a real scientist, like me?" Prof. Membrane disappeared back into the kitchen as he spoke.  
  
Dib sighed and chose to follow, wondering if posing a few questions to his father would be useful or not. "No Dad, but... I was wondering if you could help me with something..."  
  
Prof. Membrane stopped himself before walking down into his lab and turned to look down at Dib. "Of course I could! What seems to be the problem, son?"  
  
Dib looked away. "Dad, when Mom was... well, did you and Mom fight a lot?"  
  
The professor seemed somewhat bewildered at Dib's question, but swallowed his confusion and worry and calmly took a seat at the kitchen table. "Of course we did, son... we were two very different people, and when two very different people associate, they're going to have conflict, no matter how much they love each other."  
  
Dib looked down, discomfited.  
  
Prof. Membrane saw Dib's disappointment and continued. "But that doesn't mean that a relationship between two very different people isn't possible, it just means that you have to work at it more."  
  
Dib smiled a bit, his hope restored.  
  
"You're mother was a very difficult person, Dib. I know she made it seem like I was the bad guy, but... I loved her more than she could ever know. The reason I worked so much back then wasn't because it was an obsession, but because I was trying my hardest to support her, you and Gaz. And it took me 14 years to realize that it wasn't the money that supported us, but rather, the love we shared but never showed, as a family..."  
  
Dib shifted his weight to one side uncomfortably and glanced up at his father. They both remained in silence for some time, not noticing the little silver robot that came in from the front door and made its way upstairs.  
  
Prof. Membrane cleared his throat suddenly and stood up. "Well, I hope that answered your question, Dib! Care to come into the lab and help me with my latest invention: the voice operated television set?"  
  
"Nah, that's okay... thanks Dad." Dib turned to leave as his father just shrugged and watched his son leave the kitchen.  
  
"My poor depressed son."  
  
Dib walked upstairs slowly and passed his sister's closed door without a second thought. He stared straight ahead at the GIR-shaped hole in his own door that the monstrous little robot created before Dib left in Zim's captivity on Friday night.  
  
Meanwhile, inside of Gaz's room, the apathetic ten-year-old was glaring down at the same monstrous little robot standing at the foot of her bed. "What're you doing here? I thought I told you to go make Zim and Dib enemies again or something."  
  
"You did! And I did!" GIR smiled and slammed into serious mode with a salute. "Mission accomplished, ma'am!"  
  
Gaz rose a brow and thought about something for a moment before letting her lips curl up into a devious smile. She put down the GS 2 whose buttons she had been eagerly pressing previously and stared deeply into GIR's eyes (who immediately popped back into his usual mode with a nervous smile) as she crouched down in front of him. "... You mean to tell me that you actually took me seriously and got them fighting again?"  
  
GIR nodded and gazed up into Gaz's eyes with adoration.  
  
"... I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU!" What had originally started to sound like hope and gratefulness out of Gaz's mouth suddenly switched to anguish and hate. "I wanted to be the one who broke them up! ME!"  
  
Zim's clueless servant kept a goofy smile plastered on his metallic face as Gaz lowered her eyes with a snarl. "What's done is done... buuut... there's nothing written that says we can't kick a budding relationship when it's down..."  
  
"We?" GIR questioned hopefully.  
  
Gaz blinked and looked as though she was struggling to refuse, but something inside her decided to let GIR join her. After all, he did have a lot of information on Zim and Dib (whether he was all that willing to share it or not) that could prove useful to any future plans on ruining the two confused lovers for good. "Rgh... yes, we."  
  
GIR giggled with excitement and bounced around Gaz to make sure he expressed his joy in the exact extremity that he felt it. The young lady couldn't help but to smile at the robot's annoying antics. But no matter how amused Gaz was, she still needed to show a bit of discontentment. "Before skool starts tomorrow morning," she started, her voice firm, "Come over. But make sure Dib doesn't see you. Understand?"  
  
GIR nodded feverishly, willing to do anything for the object of his admiration.  
  
"Good." Gaz smiled wickedly and immediately started thinking about what she could do to make Dib and Zim even more miserable... while her dear brother was in the other room, recreating the cuts that had quickly turned into scars since the last time he dragged that knife across his arms.  
  
*The Next Day*  
  
Zim halfheartedly ran through the underground section of his base, putting on the last of his clothes. If he didn't hurry, he'd be late for skool. Even though Ms. Bitters never seemed to punish Dib for being late, the Irken felt that skool was just like the academy back home, and even though he didn't really take skool seriously, it was his duty to try and be on time. ... Besides, he didn't want the pathetic earth-childrens to get suspicious of his absence.  
  
After making it through the maze of hallways, up the elevator and through his house, Zim ran out the front door, eyeing his precious lawn gnomes with a wistful frown before sprinting through the gate.  
  
Meanwhile, Gaz was showing the complete opposite of Zim's devotion to skool as she watched for Dib from her seat at the kitchen table while scooping up some Count Cocofang Crunchies in her spoon and slowly bringing it to her open mouth. But when the utensil finally made it to its preoccupied destination, Gaz realized that it was empty. She looked down at the green dog in her lap, who innocently wiped a trail of milk away from his cloth chin and grinned.  
  
Gaz growled and gave him a threatening glare just as Dib came running into the kitchen with his backpack hung over one of his shoulders. He gawked at Gaz's presence, not noticing GIR. "Why are you still here? You're gonna be late, y'know..."  
  
Gaz shrugged. "So are you if you keep talking to me."  
  
Dib decided not to make any sense of his dark sibling; she wouldn't have given a reason for her sloth anyways. With an indifferent shrug much like his sister's, Dib turned around and, with a sudden slightly panicky look of being rushed, ran out the front door.  
  
The second Dib left, Gaz looked down at GIR with a devilish smile. "You know what to do, right?"  
  
The puppy grinned evilly, sounding very serious and, amazingly, quite ominous from behind the green mask. "Yes."  
  
"Good. Now get going."  
  
The grave tone of the demented robot's voice was understandingly replaced by a confused sounding whimper. "You dun wanna come with?"  
  
Gaz stared at GIR emotionlessly, then looked down at her unfinished bowl of Cocosplodies. "... Nyeh, you go ahead... I'll catch up."  
  
GIR squealed with unsurpassed glee and bounded out of the house, forgetting to close the front door, yet again.  
  
Gaz let out a sigh of respite and leaned back in her chair. "FINALLY! That oughta keep that retarded robot busy for a while." She pulled out a camouflaged walkie-talkie from her pocket and spoke into it urgently. "Hey. Get ready, Dib's on his way."  
  
A strangely familiar voice came from the other end, sounding dejected "... No! No, you forgot to use our cool code names!"  
  
Gaz growled and squeezed the communicator in her hand, her angry grip causing it to creak and crack under the stress. "Forget the code names! Now just go before you let him get to Zim first and screw the whole thing up."  
  
"But... I spent hours thinking them up! Especially yours! Yours is so cool! Please?"  
  
The little girl gritted her teeth. "FINE. Anything to get you to shut up and do your job."  
  
The now-chipper voice being channeled through the walkie-talkie squeaked happily before officially stating, "'Vampire Piggy Hunter', this is 'Nutz For Zim'. Do you copy? Over."  
  
"... Yes. Yes, I copy. Now hurry up an -"  
  
"Good! And let me just say that I'm sooo happy you fixed my eyeballs! ... Even though I didn't really see anything wrong with them, it was sweet of yo -"  
  
"WOULD YOU JUST..." Gaz snarled, took a deep breath and forced her outrage to a smoldering ire. "'Nutz For Zim', assume battle position at the proper station. You know what to do from there. And do NOT fail me, or your precious Zim will suffer brutally at my hands. Is that clear? ... Over."  
  
Despite Gaz's menacing threat, the voice sounded just as cheerful as it had before. "10-4, 'Vampire Piggy Hunter'! 'Nutz For Zim' over and out!"  
  
"Uh huh. Okay." With a satisfied grin, Gaz tucked the walkie-talkie back into her pocket, shoved one last gigantic spoonful of cereal in her mouth, snatched her backpack off the floor and headed out the front door, not bothering to close it either.  
  
Zim trotted up the skool steps hurriedly, wondering how he would approach Dib that day, if he should approach him at all. But before he could come up with a reasonable answer and walk through the skool's double doors, he was suddenly hugged from behind. With a surprised smile, he tried to look over his shoulder, thinking that the warm body behind him was Dib.  
  
Boy, was he EVER wrong.  
  
"... KEEF?!"  
  
The boy smiled incredulously. "You remembered my name!"  
  
Zim yelped and struggled to get out of Keef's disgusting embrace. "How can this be?! You should still see that hideous earth-squirrel as your friend, not me! ZIM'S INVENTIONS NEVER FAIL!"  
  
Keef held the Irken tighter, beaming with oblivious joy. "Oh, Zim! I've missed you too! And I'm sorry if I wasn't a very good friend to you before... this time I'll try harder, I promise! 'Kay?"  
  
"No! No, Keef, I order you... eh... as a FRIEND... to let me go this very instant! You're presence is -"  
  
"Aw Zim, you don't like hugs?"  
  
Zim gasped for air and continued to try to yank Keef's arms from their hold around his belly. "No! Not hugs from you, at least... now get off of me!"  
  
The unfazed Keef did as Zim demanded... only to spin the dazed alien around, pull him close and forcefully plant his chapped lips on Zim's, thinking that this sign of affection would much more appropriate and would be sure to please his bestest friend.  
  
And who would be so lucky as to appear just at that very moment?  
  
... Heh, you guessed it!  
  
Dib dropped his hands at his sides and gawked at the scene before him in disbelief. "Zim?!"  
  
The Irken, just now realizing what was happening through his shock, pushed the bothersome stink-beast away and stared down at the human who he loved unconditionally with an uneasy aspect. "Dib! Uh, heh, hey! How's it goin'?"  
  
Dib frowned, looking absolutely crushed.  
  
Keef looked between the two boys questioningly as Zim was quick to defend himself. "It's... it's really not what you think, Dib... I would never -"  
  
"THE HELL YOU WOULDN'T!" Dib suddenly appeared infuriated as he turned and ran in the opposite direction.  
  
"Wait!" Zim looked after Dib helplessly before shooting Keef a glare that could easily kill. Then, with a troubled expression on his face, he ran down the steps after his lover.  
  
Keef watched Zim run off sadly. "It's the waffles, huh..."  
  
Gaz, who had seen the whole thing from her hiding place in an alley across the street, began to snicker wickedly. She walked over to the sorry little boy and handed him one of the pictures Dib had taken of Zim in his disguise that she had found in the unfruitful packet of photos the day before. Hoping that her kind gesture wouldn't promote too many feelings of joy and special-ness, she grunted and murmured spiritlessly, "Here. For a job well done, just as I promised."  
  
Immediately after he had received the picture, Keef's rounded face lit up with restored felicity. "Oh, thank you Gaz! Thank you so much! I'll treasure it forever! Forever, and ever, and ever, and ever!"  
  
Gaz grumbled something that almost sounded like a "you're welcome" and started to run in the direction that Zim and Dib had gone, eager to see what would happen next.  
  
*Meanwhile...*  
  
GIR half-heartedly scanned the thick mass of disoriented people around him for any sign of his master. He noticed that some of the humans lacked clothes but still seemed to be enjoying themselves, throwing colorful beads at people who chose to display certain parts of their bodies that the innocent little robot was not familiar with. People danced through the streets in feathery clothes, leading large furry floats through the chaotic scene of tipped bottles and human flesh. GIR tried to stay focused, but found that even Gaz's grim beauty couldn't outdo that of the tall and shapely young woman who bent down to pet him. Forgetting all about Gaz's orders to make Zim and Dib miserable, the green puppy wagged his tail (somehow) in response to the cooing girl above, inviting and causing her to pick him up and hold him close to her barely-covered chest. She giggled and spun around a bit before losing her balance, as well as her consciousness, and falling into the arms of a nearby hobo.  
  
The old man smiled toothlessly. "Yup, this one's a keeper alright... care to join us, pup?"  
  
GIR smiled vacantly.  
  
"Great! Maybe you can even be the one in the middle, yeah? Heh heh..."  
  
*Shudders* *Okay, Back To Zim and Dib...*  
  
"Dib, stop and listen to me for just a second, please!"  
  
"Get away from me!"  
  
The boy turned sharply into a trashy lingerie store without even knowing it while trying to lose Zim. But the Irken was (surprisingly) a lot smarter than Dib had figured. He turned the same corner, literally running into the human and making them both fall to the floor in a thrashing heap of limbs. Luckily, there wasn't anyone shopping in the poorly lit, tasteless store, and the owner wasn't anywhere to be found, so the equivocal couple didn't create a scene amongst anyone but themselves as they kicked at each other feverishly; Dib trying to cause some physical pain to the being on top of him while Zim was simply trying to get off.  
  
Dib reached up and swatted Zim's wig off his head, exposing the sensitive antennae beneath. In a clever attempt to weaken the Irken, Dib grabbed one of them and pulled it, as hard as he could, to the side.  
  
Zim hollered in pain and scampered off of the body below, easing the tension on his antenna. With his pale green face scrunched in semi-anger and, above all, anguish, he wrapped his talon-like hands around Dib's wrist and ground his claws into the boy's flesh.  
  
Even through Zim's thick leather gloves, Dib could feel could feel the penetrative fingertips pinch his skin. With a cry of pain, he let go of the alien's appendage, hoping that he would release his arms as well.  
  
But Zim had something else in mind. When he felt that his strength had gained the upper hand, he removed one of his talons from its grasp around Dib's wrist and used it to take a hold of the other one. He crawled back on top of the human and pinned both of his wrists to the floor above him, ensuring that Dib would not longer be much of a threat.  
  
This action didn't settle well with the boy.  
  
"GET THE HELL OFF ME YOU LYING, CHEATING SON OF A -"  
  
"DIB!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Shut up."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Zim scowled and glowered down at the ignorant human. "You expect total strangers to believe you when you make your selfish claims about beings from other origins existing, yet refuse to trust the people who care about you the most when they insist their own statement to be true. I don't know if it's just you or this whole filthy race, but I'm having a large amount of difficulty understanding how you can be so hypocritical."  
  
Dib just stared up at Zim, his honey eyes wide with wonder, as if he were a little child considering the words of a wise elder.  
  
"Now you KNOW that I would never do that to you purposely, Dib, ESPECIALLY with another human. You're... you're the only one."  
  
Though Zim's words sounded cold and implacable, Dib sensed the longing plea behind them and felt the grip on his arms soften.  
  
Letting some emotion show through his unnatural lavender eyes, Zim gazed down at Dib's appeasing face and resisted the urge to shower it with kisses. "Believe me..."  
  
Dib smiled softly and nodded. "I do... and... I'm sorry... for everything..."  
  
Zim's face lit up with contentment. He grinned, leaned down closer to the boy's patient lips and whispered almost saucily, "Victory for Zim..."  
  
Dib seemed to follow suit at first, smirking playfully, but soon realized that they were in public and began to glance around warily while trying to postpone the raring Irken. "Zim, I don't know..."  
  
"Eh?" Zim followed the multiple directions of Dib's darting pupils and scoffed. "Psh, I don't see anyone we need to be worrying about right now..." He grinned seductively and nestled his parted mouth between the warmth of Dib's neck and the collar of his trench coat-like-jacket.  
  
Dib squirmed in both pleasure and vexation and tried to get his hands free from Zim's tight clasp. Still smiling, though sounding utterly disquieted, he lowered his voice to a harsh whisper. "No, seriously Zim, with our luck someone's bound to see us..."  
  
Zim nibbled at Dib's earlobe hungrily, stopping only to mutter a response that, if left unaffected by the situation, would've sounded unusual from anyone, even a proud Irken such as Zim himself. "I don't care; let them see..."  
  
As Zim returned to lavishing the boy's soft neck with sloppy smooches, Dib noticed some movement at the store's opening. With a strangled gasp, he urgently nodded toward the being that had discovered them, instructing Zim to look as well.  
  
The Irken, suddenly sharing Dib's fear, cringed and looked over his shoulder to see...  
  
  
  
OH THE CLIFFHANGER-NESS! Quick, take my hand, don't let me fall, and tell me who sneaked up on Zim and Dib!  
  
The storeowner who is unfazed by the sight and offers our beloved couple some free lingerie... ehehehe!  
  
Gaz, who had seen the whole thing and is preparing to tell Dib some evil lies about Zim and Keef... ooo...  
  
Keef, who wants to get in on the action... *Swallows hard*  
  
Or GIR, who's wasted and tries to do... GIR-like stuff... fun!  
  
Prepare your bladders for imminent release at the coming of my next chapter! Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, and sorry if it takes a li'l while for me to update! Cheerios!  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


	16. Plastered? What Do Ceilings Have To Do ...

CRAP ON A CRAP CRACKER! Another "installment," as Sakata Ri Houjun would put it! I'm really proud of this chapter. Besides the fact that I put a lot of thought into it, it turned out nice and opened a couple doors of possible ways of continuing this fic. The scenario that won the most votes, as of right now, is GIR, but it was free lingerie when I had started on this chappy so I combined the two. DOES IT NOT AMAZE YOU?! Heh heh. ANYways, I'm really glad that you all enjoyed the last chapter and I wanna thank you for doing so! You... you guys are the greatest! *Bursts into happy tears and hugs urrone* I just got one question...  
  
Why does everyone find Keef so creepy?! *L* I like him! He's the result I got when I took an Invader Zim Personality Quiz =D  
  
... Probably something I shouldn't be too proud of, I'm guessing ,=p  
  
And just so you know and don't get all indignant on my anus, (most of) you voted for "The storeowner who is unfazed by the sight and offers our beloved couple some free lingerie... ehehehe!" not for "They actually put it on and pave the way for another lemon," 'cuz that wasn't even an option! ... Yes, it was something I had planned, but don't worry; I'll "squeeze" another lemon in soon, most likely in the next chapter! So just hang in there!  
  
Oh, and a little note before you start reading: the first sentence starts directly from where the last sentence of the last chapter left off, so if you're feeling a little confused and can't put two and two together, you might wanna flip back a page and take a look, though it's not important if you do or don't, just a suggestion. ... Oh look, I'm rambling! WEE!  
  
  
  
  
  
... A disturbingly slim middle-aged woman with long, dark brown hair so curly and thick it appeared tangled and dirty. She was wearing a bright pink, shorter-than-most-workplaces-would-allow skirt that was unintentionally decorated with wrinkles and a loose hem. The poor article of clothing, as well as the fishnet hose beneath and below, definitely looked like it had seen better days. Though her shirt seemed a little better taken care of it, was even raunchier than the former; tacky strips of lace that tainted the black fabric of the tight, short-sleeved shirt cleverly masked the cleavage of her fairly large, yet sagging bosom, since the actual shirt itself had obviously failed to do so. The woman's hands acted as a collection plate for numerous amounts of ridiculously large jeweled rings while small stacks of thick gold 80's bracelets hid her skinny wrists. Mounds of obviously fake pearls hung from the lady's neck and found shelter in the clammy crevasse between her breasts. Nighttime shades of make-up appeared to have been carelessly smeared all over her face, though there was no doubt that she had spent at least 25 minutes in front of the mirror that morning applying it all.  
  
Zim stared up at the woman in sheer terror, forgetting all about his visible antennae or the human below. Never in all his... time on earth had he seen such a hideous creature. But luckily for him, Dib had already seen his fair share of pitiful tarts and wasn't affected by the lady's appearance in the least. Clearing his throat and pretending that something outside had caught his interest in an attempt to divert the woman's attention, Dib snatched the nearby wig and placed it on Zim's grateful head.  
  
Fortunately, the lady at the entrance of the store seemed to have been busy checking her reflection in one of the metal racks that held up a variety of g-strings, giving reassurance that she hadn't even noticed Zim or Dib's presence. The two took advantage of this and separated, stood up and started to walk out the door. But a sudden shrill voice prevented them from stepping out onto the sidewalk. "Oh, why hello there, sirs! I'm so sorry I wasn't here to assist you two; I was out looking for customers, you know, showing off this ravishing merchandise!"  
  
Dib looked for the "ravishing merchandise," expecting to find it in her hands, but saw nothing. With a curious frown he decided to postpone making a run for it just to pose this question: "... What merchandise?"  
  
"THIS merchandise!" The woman abruptly lifted her shirt, much to Zim and Dib's repulse, revealing the so-called "ravishing merchandise" beneath: a skimpy, red translucent bra.  
  
Zim screamed like a little girl and covered his face defensively as he turned away while Dib just stared like any normal 12 year old boy would. "Those - erm, I mean, that's very nice... but... uh... I dun think we'd have much use for it..."  
  
The woman sighed and walked behind a sales desk at the other end of the small store with a distressed frown. She leaned down and folded her forearms on the surface in front of her. "No? I'm sorry... it's just that... well, I just opened this store, and I need some help..."  
  
Zim stared at the two hard-to-ignore bulbous slabs of fat that hung from the lady's chest as she leaned over in disgust before stating cruelly, "You're damn right you do. You could start off by wearing something a little more concealing, I mean, I don't think I speak for myself when I say that no one wants to see what you're flaunting."  
  
Dib choked on the laughter he tried so hard to swallow and gave his former nemesis a half-astonished, half-amused glare while the innocently oblivious storeowner looked down shamefully. "Yeah, that's what a lot of people have been saying... but I honestly don't see anything wrong with the clothes I sell..."  
  
The Irken frowned, clearly upset that his point didn't get across. "It's not the clothes, it's the -"  
  
"The... promoting! Yeah..." Dib interrupted with a white lie.  
  
The woman looked up hopefully. "The promoting? Well, what should I do differently?"  
  
Suddenly showing an interest, but mostly because he just wanted to leave, Zim caught on quickly and threw out a suggestion. "Free stuff!"  
  
Dib nodded. "Yeah!"  
  
"But... how will I make money then?"  
  
Zim sighed. "Humans can't resist free stuff, even if it's something they wouldn't be caught dead putting on their slimy bodies. Word will get out that you're giving away whorish undergarments and people will come. That's when you stop giving stuff away. They'll go in your store, find out that nothing's free, be all sad-like and start to leave, but while they're here they might see something they find... interesting, to say the least, and buy it."  
  
"Yeah... supply and demand!"  
  
"Dib... supply and demand has nothing to do with what I just said."  
  
"... It doesn't?"  
  
"No. So, yeah, lady, just do that. C'mon Dib, let's go."  
  
The pre-teen silently obliged to the Irken's demand but both were halted once again by the not-very-pleasing-to-look-at storeowner. She stood up eagerly and exclaimed with a smile, "Wait! That's a good idea... would you like some free lingerie?"  
  
Zim nodded, looking impatient and bored. "Yep. Just like that. Good practice, now go out there and -"  
  
"No! I'm really asking you!"  
  
A bewildered aspect flooded Zim's face as he slowly comprehended the woman's offering. "... Me? HAH! You really are a quandary, pitiful female. Do you really think that I or my... eh... friend could have any use for such articles of clothing?"  
  
"Oh... so... you two aren't... you know..." The lady eyed Zim and Dib suspiciously.  
  
Dib paled significantly, not realizing that his defensive objection could easily lead the storeowner to believe otherwise. "No!"  
  
Zim gawked, consternated and appalled at both Dib's expostulation and the woman's suggestion. "W-we have no idea what you're talking about!"  
  
"Oh, c'mon! We're all adults here! Don't think I didn't see you two when I first came in!"  
  
Dib frowned, a rather disturbing thought developing in his mind. "I dunno about Zim, but I'm not an adu -"  
  
"NOTHING! YOU SAW NOTHIIINNNGGG!" Zim shook his fist menacingly, using his turn to interrupt Dib rather effectively, if I do say so myself.  
  
"Don't worry, I'll keep it on the low down."  
  
"... You mean, the down low?" Dib simpered.  
  
Zim sighed. "Fine fine. We'll take your meretricious merchandise if it means you'll never speak of what you witnessed."  
  
Dib gave the Irken an unsure frown but decided to go along with it for the same reason.  
  
"Great!" The lady smiled knowingly with an evident wink. "I'll leave you guys alone to pick something out. Feel free to take anything! I'm going to go give people the news. Watch the store while I'm gone, and thank you!"  
  
The Irken patiently waited for the impertinent storeowner to leave before having a curious look around. Dib, on the other hand, breathed an unforbearing sigh and folded his arms across his chest. "C'mon, just grab something so we can go."  
  
Zim took a frilly black garter in his hand and eyed it amusedly, then looked over his shoulder with a slight smirk. "Why the rush? You'd rather go to skool?"  
  
Dib paled. "So we can be humiliated?"  
  
"Humiliated? What? ... Eh... oh! I forgot all about the pictures..."  
  
"Yeah. Not exactly something I was looking forward to having presented to the whole skool by my oh-so-kind sister." Dib shifted uncomfortably at the very thought. Surely a good number of the students in his class had already seen the photographic evidence of him and Zim... doin' stuff.  
  
"I still gotta confront that horrible earth piggy about that." Zim snarled softly, then looked back at the garter he held with a slyly thoughtful grin. "... But it can wait; we needn't worry about such things right now."  
  
"And why not? Like we got anything better to do than just sit and wait anxiously for our reputations to go down the drain."  
  
"... Who said the wait had to be an anxious one?" Zim noticeably eyed the racks of lingerie surrounding him with a devilish smile, then shifted his eyes so that they met Dib's, hoping that the human got the gist of what his peremptory gaze and oblique question suggested.  
  
Dib gave Zim a stupefied stare before letting his eyes grow wide. Shaking his head, he stammered incredulously, "N-nuh uh!"  
  
Zim took the garter off the rack completely and arranged it before him so that it appeared to mock Dib and his non-existent say in the matter; rascally stretching the bit of lace between his claws, then shortening the distance so that the elastic could coil back up. He performed the playfully wicked gesture over and over again as he took a couple of steps closer to the human. "Uh huh..."  
  
"But... Zim..." Dib pointed to the garter belt with a shameful frown. "I... I don't even know where that goes."  
  
An intense dumbfounded aspect abruptly appeared on Zim's face. He pulled the garter a little too far in his shock, causing it to slip off one of his claws and send itself flying across the store. The stale look remained plastered on the Irken's face for a few more seconds until an adorably charmed expression replaced it. He smiled, scrunched his face up in apparent delight with Dib's innocence and drooled; "Dib, you're just too cute! C'mere, you!"  
  
A nervously flattered laugh clambered up Dib's throat and was caught under his uvula, creating an uncomfortable lump that seemed impossible to swallow. He gagged slightly and let his wary eyes and uncertain feet travel away from the alien. "Thanks, ehehe... but, seriously Zim, you got your free lingerie, now let's just go home, 'kay?"  
  
"Dib..." Zim backed the human into a corner fiendishly. "You know what I want, and you're gonna give it to me sooner or later anyway, so why not get a jump start?"  
  
"Why not? Why not?! Zim, we're in a public place!" Actually fearing the Irken for the first time in a long while, Dib held up his hands as if mentally pushing him away and searched for any means of escape from under Zim's sexual scrutiny. "Why are you so... so feisty today?"  
  
Zim's expression softened and he cocked his head endearingly. "You dun like it?"  
  
Dib blinked and scrambled to reassure Zim. "No! I... I do, I really do! It's just that... well, not HERE..."  
  
"Awwwr... please Dibby?"  
  
"... Zim..." Dib frowned, hopelessly lost in his increasing love for the alien. Deprived of any thoughts that could be successfully and effectively transformed into words, he closed his eyes and leaned toward Zim for a kiss.  
  
Uttering a blissful sigh, the Irken closed his eyes as well and met the boy's succulent lips halfway, gently caressing them with his own, adding only the slightest hint of tongue to make the moment all the more pleasureful without losing the magic.  
  
Dib murmured and pulled Zim against him, letting his docile hands gradually step out of their invisible restraints of dubiety and fear and search his lover's body for any other sensitive areas. When his palms slid up and over Zim's overt ribs the alien pulled away and shuddered vehemently.  
  
The human stared questionably with guilt, concern and excitement burning in his honey mustard eyes as Zim hugged himself, giggled and gasped, "How... how did you do that...?"  
  
Dib tittered and looked like he was about to say something but a loud, slurred, somewhat mechanical voice coming from outside stopped him.  
  
"... I want my ass smacked, legs wide, front, back, side to side, pussy wet, slip 'n' slide, yup, evurythang gon' be aright..."  
  
Both Dib and the Irken exchanged knowing yet still fraught glances before making their way to the entrance of the store and peering outside. They weren't surprised to see GIR dancing around a parking meter out front; they were, however, quite surprised to see what he was wearing... his dog suit, which would have been green under normal circumstances, was discolored completely with a strong smelling liquid and patches of an unknown translucent white substance. When the kooky robot finally noticed his audience, he stumbled over to them with a giggle that didn't sound like a giggle at all and grinned widely. "Meherha, hiya..."  
  
While Dib cautiously sniffed the air around the green puppy, Zim raised an invisible brow and glared down at his assistant. "GIR... where have you been and what have you been doing?"  
  
"... NONE YO' BIZNASS, BIATCH!" The disguised robot sputtered mindlessly.  
  
Zim's face fell blank in confusion before expressing his outrage. "... I don't thoroughly understand your dialect, but HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO YOUR MASTER LIKE THAT!"  
  
Dib couldn't help but to laugh at the evidently drunk robot's choice of words and the way Zim reacted, even though the potent malodor of cheap alcohol that released itself from the fibers of GIR's outfit was enough to make the passably ingenuous adolescent vomit. He wondered if recreational intoxication crossed the cultural boundaries that an unknown amount of galaxies had put up. "Don't take him too seriously, Zim. He's too plastered right now to know any better... if he knew any better before, that is."  
  
"Plastered...?" A quizzical look took its place as Zim's current ever- changing facial expression, though petulant curiosity could be seen clearly in his lavender eyes. "... What do ceilings have to do with the way GIR is acting?"  
  
Dib let out another laugh; a weak one, made to sound like a mere chuckle compared to his last outburst of amusement purposely so as not to hurt the invader's feebler-than-most-would-think feelings. He cognitively came to these conclusions: either the Irkens didn't have a mind-altering liquid such as alcohol or Zim just hadn't become familiar with that particular form of terminology. But his speculative cerebration was short lived, for Zim's inquisitive glare demanded an explanation. Dib sighed, his face still hosting an entertained grin. "It means drunk, Zim."  
  
"... Drunk?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"..."  
  
"Zim, you have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"  
  
"... Of course I! - Eh, actually, no, I don't."  
  
Dib giggled some more. Zim had to admit that he would've found it cute hadn't he been so eager to learn about what strange emotion had befallen GIR, his painfully disoriented assistant, who had long ago grown tired of the conversation in the midst and found his reflection in the store's windows easy to converse with. Zim frowned upon noticing this and turned back to face the human. "Well, are you gonna tell me what it is or not?"  
  
Feeling just a wee bit elfish, Dib smiled innocuously. "Tell you what what is?"  
  
Suddenly angry with Dib for playing such mind games, Zim shook his fists at his sides and squalled, "GYAH! What is this 'drunk' you speak of and why is GIR being it?!"  
  
"Whoa, calm down! I was just messin' with ya..." Dib took an insouciant step back, cautious of the alien's temper, and began to explain what alcohol was and the effects it had on a person.  
  
Zim squinted in thought while Dib explicated GIR's actions and waited for him to finish before scoffing and asking skeptically, "Why would someone want to do that?"  
  
Dib shrugged. "I dunno, I've never gotten drunk before. But I heard it's fun... I mean, just look at GIR."  
  
Zim did so. The lime colored puppy was laughing hysterically at himself. "... Oh yes, such fun. I've always wanted to find myself humorous... like some find of deranged LUNATIC!"  
  
"Well, I don't think we'd be like that after a few drinks..." There was a pinch of playful proposition to his voice.  
  
Zim eyed the boy suspiciously. "What're you getting at, silly earth- monkey?"  
  
Dib just grinned puckishly.  
  
The Irken imitated and returned his lover's smile, right down to the roguish thoughts behind it. Then he looked down at his assistant. "GIR..."  
  
The robot probably would've leapt to his feet, saluted and slammed into serious mode but his current inebriety created some hindrances in his attempted proper reaction. He stood slowly and falteringly, waved casually and remained in his usual state with the accompaniment of tipsiness. His voice sounded bothered and was almost incomprehensible. "Yes muh... my master."  
  
Zim continued with a mischievous smile. "GIR, you never answered me... where have you been?"  
  
"Why?" GIR smiled with a dazed look on his face. "Oo, you wanna...? Wanna play wif me too, master?"  
  
"... Yes," Zim lied, obviously without giving his servant's question much thought, for if he had, he would've answered differently. "Now where did you go? Where did you find all the drinks you... drank?"  
  
The puppy stuck out his tongue and near-blindly reached for his master's claw. "Nyeh, I'll... I'll show you..."  
  
Zim took GIR's hand, glanced at Dib warily (who just shrugged) and let the disguised robot lead him down the street. Once they had reached a corner where they had to wait for the light to change, GIR looked back at his master and gave him a sloppy, almost spooky grin.  
  
"You're gonna luuurve it, master..."  
  
Zim stared at the pup blankly, then managed an uneasy smile.  
  
"... I p r o m i s e."  
  
  
  
*Wide eyes* Is GIR thinking what I think he's thinking? Dude, I'm writing it and *I* don't even know. That CAN'T be good *LOL* Welp, I'm sorry but I've already got my mind made up about what's gonna happen next chapter (as if you couldn't tell already), so all you get to decide is whether...  
  
Alcohol will have a good effect on Zim (good as in ridiculously cheerful and horny)...  
  
Or...  
  
Alcohol will have a bad effect on Zim (bad as in makes him hella sick, possibly even threatens his very existance[!])...  
  
Until next time, which hopefully won't be too far into the future... uh... bye? |=]  
  
- SwEeTiNsAnItY 


End file.
